In the near future...
Three UCLA film students, wearing black leotards covered in symbolic ping pong balls, kidnap Robert Zemeckis, and try to teach him the error of his ways. "Look into our cold, dead, lifeless contact lenses, Bob. Have you got Jim Cameron on speed dial? How about Lucas? Good. Because we've got a message for you all...motion capture DOESN'T LOOK REAL. Not the way you do it. We're here to help you, Bob, really we are."
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James Purefoy knew he'd done a good job. So what if no one had ever heard of the character, or Robert E. Howard? Even if he'd be spending the next few months at press junkets endlessly repeating the words, "It's by the man who wrote the Conan stories...no, not Conan Doyle...you know - Schwarzenegger?" he knew it was all worthwhile. The only thing that kept him awake at night, apart from having to constantly reference the Austrian nincompoop who'd bankrupted the State of California, was fear. A very specific fear. The fear that the lovely Cornish accent he'd decided to use for the part of Van Helsing Solomon Kane would be deemed "fucking ridiculous", and that the studio would get someone in to dub him. Hugh Jackman, probably...
"Ooh arr, moi dears. That be a demonically-possessed artichoke, that be."
Direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1wDMymXobc
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Is Jack Black dead yet? No? Shame.
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"I'm just trying to get my head around what you've done, there," said Kev. "I mean, the aXXo tattoo I could understand, but this...contraption? It still looks like a camera poking out of a baseball cap. And this is going to revolutionize movie piracy?"
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Nora Ephron had revealed an unpalatable truth: Meryl Streep might've won Oscars, but basically she was a frightful ham. And an overcooked one, at that...
Direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBsORXqHjrw
________
Colin Boyd defended the very concept of remaking The Day The Earth Stood Still. It's just so difficult to fit an entire website into a tasty pie, Colin...
________
These are snapshots from a metaphorical tomorrow, but remember - the gargoyle stays in the picture.
________
James Purefoy knew he'd done a good job. So what if no one had ever heard of the character, or Robert E. Howard? Even if he'd be spending the next few months at press junkets endlessly repeating the words, "It's by the man who wrote the Conan stories...no, not Conan Doyle...you know - Schwarzenegger?" he knew it was all worthwhile. The only thing that kept him awake at night, apart from having to constantly reference the Austrian nincompoop who'd bankrupted the State of California, was fear. A very specific fear. The fear that the lovely Cornish accent he'd decided to use for the part of Van Helsing Solomon Kane would be deemed "fucking ridiculous", and that the studio would get someone in to dub him. Hugh Jackman, probably...
Click to view"Ooh arr, moi dears. That be a demonically-possessed artichoke, that be."
Direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1wDMymXobc
________
Is Jack Black dead yet? No? Shame.
________
"I'm just trying to get my head around what you've done, there," said Kev. "I mean, the aXXo tattoo I could understand, but this...contraption? It still looks like a camera poking out of a baseball cap. And this is going to revolutionize movie piracy?"
________
Nora Ephron had revealed an unpalatable truth: Meryl Streep might've won Oscars, but basically she was a frightful ham. And an overcooked one, at that...
Direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBsORXqHjrw
________
Colin Boyd defended the very concept of remaking The Day The Earth Stood Still. It's just so difficult to fit an entire website into a tasty pie, Colin...
________
These are snapshots from a metaphorical tomorrow, but remember - the gargoyle stays in the picture.