.hey jack...

Jan 22, 2009 23:30

...it's me

So...things....things are much different now that since I've last wrote.

I told Hanna that I love her, and that I just really don't want to see her for a little while.
I told her that I'd text her when I wanted to hang out.

I don't really know if I'll ever text her again. It is very likely that I won't.

I'm just so fucking over it. It's really sad to think that for some reason that whole entire relationship is slightly tainted because of the way it ended.

I'm in a much different situation with a much different girl now. Her name is Kennedy, and she's pretty wonderful. She's super cute, and quite adorable. She's REALLY into me, and I like that a lot.

She just doesn't...make me feel special yet. I don't feel privileged to have her. I don't feel like she's amazing, she definitely super wonderful, but I'm not lost in her.

We've been "dating" now for about two weeks, things have been going really well. I see her pretty much every night and she has great friends so it's really enjoyable spending time with her.

I miss her right now though. Moments like this give me hope for one day growing to genuinely love this girl. She had said that we were going to eat once she got done showering, now she has gone to QFC with her friends without me and I feel sad.

That's good as bad as it sounds. If I feel sad it means that I care about her wanting to spend time with me.

It's so depressing to think that Hanna and I's entire relationship has probably just ended. I didn't see her...like AT ALL, not even a glance today. She hasn't tried to contact me in any way or anything, and I really don't expect her to. I told her that I would text her, she's so fucking independent she's certainly not going to ignore what I said because she misses me.

Who even knows how much she'll really miss me. She's dating Jacob Harksen. To be fair, I'm probably too hard on the kid. He certainly hasn't shown me any ill will, he's never done anything to me personally that I would have a problem with, I just really...haven't liked him at all since freshman year. He's so fucking fake in my mind, and I just can't get over it.

I'm pretty much treating this guy like a dick for no legit reason...eh. If he's a cool guy he'd probably understand. haha...damn, I hope he doesn't understand.

Kid is seriously a tool though...he's been so desperate for Hanna this entire time...oh wait...ironic?

Damn, I've really got to stop bashing this kid. It's done.

Literally though, the thought of Hanna just disgusts me a little bit in a weird sort of way...that's really sad... :(

I'm so fucking empty. I don't really feel too terrible on the surface...but I've been doing a good job of keeping my mind busy.

Hey, a really good sign is that I don't think about Hanna at all anymore whenever I spend any sort of time with Kennedy. :) yay

I'm hungry...I wish Kennedy would have asked me to go to QFC with them...boo...I think I'm going to go to OMM
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