I love, School, epiphany and failure, This is really really long
so this is it. the first time in forever that i have written anything. It's really dang long and you'll probably want to go ahead and snuggle into your jammies and grab a cup o'Joe. I have to start with a few things:
1. i love what i do. Yes, i love it. I love the stress, the chaos, the confusion, the attitudes, the losers, the posers, the really obnoxious ones, the obsessed ones, the girlfriends, the boys who help out, the merch girls, the boys in the band, the troubles, the fun, the laid back yet very seriousness of the deal, the organization, the traveling, the music, the scene, the banner, the responsibility, the adventure, but mostly, i love the family atmosphere. I may not always be the easiest to approach. It may seem at times that we have nothing in common, but never fear, I'm a pleasant person; i like getting to know people, i like helping out, i like hearing what you have to say. There have been times when I have been very annoying or short tempered, but, it's all in a day's work. Last time i checked, i'm not the only one who gets like that. I love every person associated with the organization i work with and I'll always consider them my family. I love everything about Ten 13 Concept.
2. i don't know if i want to go to school next semester. I suppose that's based on whether i have the money to do something if i don't go. I do know that I'm probably working two months out of the summer and traveling for one month. I also know that I don't want to be in Florida for the rest of my life. In fact, it's official, I'm moving. Most likely to Maryland. Is it just me or are those houses in downtown baltimore beautiful? hee. I think what I'll end up doing is getting my AA at CFCC and then taking a break. Until then, i'll continue to go to school and work to save my money. In the vacation periods, i'll take small, low-cost vacations and make plans for my future.
3. i'm trying to decide what to do with myself. I'm trying to find out what I want to do; not so much what others want of me, but what i want of me. I know a lot of things about myself already, but i don't know enough to be certain of what i want to do for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, it seems that the "norm" of society is for people, by the age of approx 18 years, to know what they want to do for the entirety of their lives. No wonder there is such a huge failure rate in America. (ie: marriage v divorce, occupation v job, in general try v fail. all rates weigh dramatically to the failure side.) This "norm" is what I think is causing me to feel so lost. I mean, i feel like I'm behind the game because I'm still in that stage of life where I don't want to work a 9-5 and I don't want to get up early. Right now, I want to sleep in my bed when i want to, sleep in someone else's bed when i want to, sleep on someone's couch when i want to, eat breakfast or not, buy groceries online to save from supermarket hassles, listen to whatever music i choose, have someone to love, grow my own garden, exercise a lot, work very little, go to a load of concerts, and make lots of money. Make Lots of MONEY! what. the only reason i want to make lots of money is so that i can support myself and my addictions to concerts and traveling. At least they aren't harmful addictions.. . . "okay, concerts can be harmful Dad, but if i wear earplugs or try to stay clear of the speakers I should be all right."
4. what i love to do: i love riding my bike, walking, doing step aerobics (okay, that may be a slight exaggeration -- i think i only like step aerobics :)), playing outside with my dogs, jumping rope, swimming, gardening, driving, hiking, going bowling, writing, scrapbooking, throwing parties that require some crazy planning, staying up late, sleeping in, spending time with Patrick, talking on the phone, dreaming, playing with Jasper, collecting useless stuff, surfing (the internet, i'm not cool enough to do the real thing), going to concerts, learning new things, reading the newspaper, doing crossword puzzles, taking photographs, traveling, hugging/snuggling, horseplaying with friends, having lesbian pillow fights, PSYCH. haha. gotcha. okay, back on track. I know i love all these things, minus the lesbian pillow fights -- well, technically, i've never taken part in one, therefore i don't know if i like it. Also, I know i don't like being on a tight schedule, though i do like having a plan and i do like getting things done promptly. I don't like having an anal boss, having to work long hours, having to answer to anyone, feeling guilty for taking a day off. I don't like not being home unless i'm traveling, i don't like being away from my pets, i don't like missing people, i don't like having cabin fever, feeling bogged down, or feeling rushed. I don't like sushi, i don't like turtle, i don't like being persuaded, i don't like being pressured, i don't like being hit on unless i welcome it... I don't like being uncomfortable, I don't like being tired, i don't like to drink, i don't like being stressed, i don't like being unsure, i don't like the noise my truck makes because the topper and the crew light rub together. I don't like people who try to be something they're not, i don't like people who deny what they are. I don't like ignorance, i don't like racism, i don't like prejudice, i don't like sexism, i don't like assholes, i don't like bigots, i don't like jerks, i don't like persistent morons. I don't like the idea of a 9 to 5. i don't like the idea of a timeclock.
things i can do to "solve" some of this stuff:
i'm going to be my own boss, that ought the help solve most of these dislikes.. ha. (ie: professional photographer, designer, partyplanner, scrapbooker, dog player wither, professional dreamer, or step aerobics instructor. if you got this far in my journal entry, you probably know me pretty dagum well. in that case, which do you think i'd be best at?)
i'm going to say the words "i love you" and mean them to the fullest extent
i'm going to be true to myself and not give in.
i'm going to defend the innocent and rip assholes of the assholes who i have to defend the innocent from.
i'm not going to let anyone hold me back or slow me down. "ain't nothing gonna break my stride, I'm running and i won't touch ground. oh no, i've got to keep on movin'" :) there you go..
all for now.
one love.
--AL!SON
so what if this journal entry is loooooong? Fuck you, it's mine. if you don't like, don't read it - ever again.
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1. i love what i do. Yes, i love it. I love the stress, the chaos, the confusion, the attitudes, the losers, the posers, the really obnoxious ones, the obsessed ones, the girlfriends, the boys who help out, the merch girls, the boys in the band, the troubles, the fun, the laid back yet very seriousness of the deal, the organization, the traveling, the music, the scene, the banner, the responsibility, the adventure, but mostly, i love the family atmosphere. I may not always be the easiest to approach. It may seem at times that we have nothing in common, but never fear, I'm a pleasant person; i like getting to know people, i like helping out, i like hearing what you have to say. There have been times when I have been very annoying or short tempered, but, it's all in a day's work. Last time i checked, i'm not the only one who gets like that. I love every person associated with the organization i work with and I'll always consider them my family. I love everything about Ten 13 Concept.
2. i don't know if i want to go to school next semester. I suppose that's based on whether i have the money to do something if i don't go. I do know that I'm probably working two months out of the summer and traveling for one month. I also know that I don't want to be in Florida for the rest of my life. In fact, it's official, I'm moving. Most likely to Maryland. Is it just me or are those houses in downtown baltimore beautiful? hee. I think what I'll end up doing is getting my AA at CFCC and then taking a break. Until then, i'll continue to go to school and work to save my money. In the vacation periods, i'll take small, low-cost vacations and make plans for my future.
3. i'm trying to decide what to do with myself. I'm trying to find out what I want to do; not so much what others want of me, but what i want of me. I know a lot of things about myself already, but i don't know enough to be certain of what i want to do for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, it seems that the "norm" of society is for people, by the age of approx 18 years, to know what they want to do for the entirety of their lives. No wonder there is such a huge failure rate in America. (ie: marriage v divorce, occupation v job, in general try v fail. all rates weigh dramatically to the failure side.) This "norm" is what I think is causing me to feel so lost. I mean, i feel like I'm behind the game because I'm still in that stage of life where I don't want to work a 9-5 and I don't want to get up early. Right now, I want to sleep in my bed when i want to, sleep in someone else's bed when i want to, sleep on someone's couch when i want to, eat breakfast or not, buy groceries online to save from supermarket hassles, listen to whatever music i choose, have someone to love, grow my own garden, exercise a lot, work very little, go to a load of concerts, and make lots of money. Make Lots of MONEY! what. the only reason i want to make lots of money is so that i can support myself and my addictions to concerts and traveling. At least they aren't harmful addictions.. . . "okay, concerts can be harmful Dad, but if i wear earplugs or try to stay clear of the speakers I should be all right."
4. what i love to do: i love riding my bike, walking, doing step aerobics (okay, that may be a slight exaggeration -- i think i only like step aerobics :)), playing outside with my dogs, jumping rope, swimming, gardening, driving, hiking, going bowling, writing, scrapbooking, throwing parties that require some crazy planning, staying up late, sleeping in, spending time with Patrick, talking on the phone, dreaming, playing with Jasper, collecting useless stuff, surfing (the internet, i'm not cool enough to do the real thing), going to concerts, learning new things, reading the newspaper, doing crossword puzzles, taking photographs, traveling, hugging/snuggling, horseplaying with friends, having lesbian pillow fights, PSYCH. haha. gotcha. okay, back on track. I know i love all these things, minus the lesbian pillow fights -- well, technically, i've never taken part in one, therefore i don't know if i like it. Also, I know i don't like being on a tight schedule, though i do like having a plan and i do like getting things done promptly. I don't like having an anal boss, having to work long hours, having to answer to anyone, feeling guilty for taking a day off. I don't like not being home unless i'm traveling, i don't like being away from my pets, i don't like missing people, i don't like having cabin fever, feeling bogged down, or feeling rushed. I don't like sushi, i don't like turtle, i don't like being persuaded, i don't like being pressured, i don't like being hit on unless i welcome it... I don't like being uncomfortable, I don't like being tired, i don't like to drink, i don't like being stressed, i don't like being unsure, i don't like the noise my truck makes because the topper and the crew light rub together. I don't like people who try to be something they're not, i don't like people who deny what they are. I don't like ignorance, i don't like racism, i don't like prejudice, i don't like sexism, i don't like assholes, i don't like bigots, i don't like jerks, i don't like persistent morons. I don't like the idea of a 9 to 5. i don't like the idea of a timeclock.
things i can do to "solve" some of this stuff:
i'm going to be my own boss, that ought the help solve most of these dislikes.. ha. (ie: professional photographer, designer, partyplanner, scrapbooker, dog player wither, professional dreamer, or step aerobics instructor. if you got this far in my journal entry, you probably know me pretty dagum well. in that case, which do you think i'd be best at?)
i'm going to say the words "i love you" and mean them to the fullest extent
i'm going to be true to myself and not give in.
i'm going to defend the innocent and rip assholes of the assholes who i have to defend the innocent from.
i'm not going to let anyone hold me back or slow me down. "ain't nothing gonna break my stride, I'm running and i won't touch ground. oh no, i've got to keep on movin'" :) there you go..
all for now.
one love.
--AL!SON
so what if this journal entry is loooooong? Fuck you, it's mine. if you don't like, don't read it - ever again.
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