I Come Bearing More Fic
Title: Ship War
Rating: PG-13 for some adult themes, a little profanity, stuff like that
Characters/pairings: ATLA, Avafandom, Kataang/Zutara, Sukka/Tokka, Taang Teoph Toko Katoph, Tyzula/Maiko, and mentions of others. Those are the characters, not the ships.
Summary: The ship wars, anthropomorphized.
Length: About 2000 words.
Notes: There is much telling as opposed to showing. There is also much enemyshipping that’s very contrived. Warning: Sukka is a crossdresser. Written on crack. Probably sucks. Unbetaed because... who the hell would beta it?
Their father was the master of all four elements: Fanfiction, fanart, canon, AMV. He was awesome and well-drawn and well-written and fluidly animated. Everyone knew it, so it was inevitable that Avafandom, the twentieth child of Geek and Media, fell in love with him. Their wedding was the greatest one anyone had seen for years.
Then all their troubles began.
Their first child was Kataang, a blue-haired beauty due to an accident with tattoo ink in infancy. She found everything and everyone delightful for the most part, and gave amusement and help to whomever she thought needed it. However, Kataang got angry easily and saw the world in black and white. This put her entirely at odds with Zutara, her younger brother by only ten months. Zutara was dark and pale and thin, but tall enough to cut an imposing figure. He was slow to anger but just as slow to let go, and his list of enemies never got shorter. Eventually, though, the few people who befriended Zutara found him an excellent conversationalist and strangely appealing.
Zutara and Kataang didn’t get along at all. Both of them fiercely objected to being called Irish twins. Almost everything imaginable caused them to disagree - breakfast, math, television. Sukka, whose birth made the siblings a set of Irish triplets, tried but wasn’t able to do much about it. He was a nice enough boy, charismatic and attractive, impossible to dislike if you disregarded his penchant for wearing dresses and makeup. But nonetheless, Sukka was powerless in the face of Kataang and Zutara’s arguments.
For a good long while it was solely the three of them, although they had some visiting relatives - their cousins Jetara and Kataru, uncle Irsa, aunt Ursai. But eventually, much to everyone’s surprise, Avafandom gave birth to quintuplets: Taang, Tokka, Toko, Teoph, and Katoph. Unlike the Irish twins, they didn’t see any reason to argue with each other. This might have been because they were all so nice. Taang cheerily asserted her masculinity and non-shortness on an hourly basis, but besides that nothing could get her angry, and she was a better football player than anyone. Her best friend was Tokka, oddly enough, although it made sense, because Taang loved a good joke and Tokka could inevitably provide one. Tokka was also pretty popular with his siblings, and even Sukka would occasionally kiss him on the cheek when he thought no-one was looking.
Toko, Teoph, and Katoph were inseparable in an odd manner. They were most commonly found in the room the three shared, but hardly seemed to be friends. Katoph was curvy and voluptuous and looked beautiful in Earth Kingdom clothing, but her tall body stayed to itself for the most part. Toko tripped over anything, probably because he was blind. Teoph was quiet as well as incapacitated, he with an inability to walk, and tried to make friends with his two siblings, but they would have none of it.
It wasn’t long before the others forgot about three-fifths of the quintuplets altogether. They were easy to ignore, and Taang and Tokka were much more fun anyway. Furthermore, the fights between Kataang and Zutara only got worse. There were times when Zutara would seem to become a little friendlier, only for Kataang to punch it in the face. Soon, though, there would be a new debate to enjoy.
The twins, Tyzula and Maiko, were inseperable. Tyzula was acrobatic and pretty and cheery, while Maiko was somber and quiet and sickly, but for some reason the girls stuck to each other like glue. The birth of Yuokka soon followed theirs, but she died within a few days. The event set a pallor over the house for several days, but eventually an incident overshadowed it.
---
On the first day of fall, the sun rose and Maiko with it. She spent several hours walking about the house before the others realized: She was walking; skipping, even, and her color was much healthier than it should be.
Zutara didn’t like this.
---
Maiko was sitting on the couch, combing the hair that composed her left braid with one of her throwing knives. She looked out the window and, quietly, tried to remember how Love Amongst The Dragons went again. Suddenly, mid-comb, she realized that her head felt peculiarly light.
After a few moments figuring out what happened, she took the knife out of her hair, threw it behind her, smirked as Zutara fell to the ground with a knife embedded in his hand, and resumed combing.
---
Kataang declared a few days later that Maiko was her friend and hers alone, and she couldn’t hang out with Taang anymore, and if she’d stop seeing Tyzula that would also be very nice.
“Why?” Maiko asked, sensibly enough.
“Because,” Kataang explained, “Zutara has bribed Taang with twenty dollars and a football to be friends with him and only him, and Taang is stupid, and Zutara is a heartless bitch, and I know you agree with at least half of that sentence.”
Maiko shrugged. “Okay. I can work with that.”
The battle lines had soon been drawn. It was apparently Kataang and Maiko versus Taang and Zutara; the others could only watch from the sidelines. Both of them seemed to think Sukka belonged to them, although Kataang entertained Tokka on occasion. Tyzula flittered about to whoever she thought was best; she was good friends with Zutara, but her friendship with Maiko was clearly romantic to everyone except the two of them.
---
Sukka felt increasingly worried. He was concerned about how Tokka seemed to be almost fading out of existence, and Sukka thought he might love him. Just a little. Granted, the smarmy bastard could be a little annoying, but really it was… well… there was something about him.
He had a whole love scene planned out, but then Tokka punched him in the arm and said “That’s how I show affection. At least, it would be, if I was capable of anything anymore…”
Tokka walked out of the door mumbling something about fanon, but Sukka couldn’t even hear him. He was blushing even more than the makeup would make you think. This was enough to last him a lifetime.
---
It became increasingly common for something along the following lines to happen:
Zutara, walking along innocently enough, nose in a book or head otherwise in the clouds. Rare silence, to be honest. Occasionally, Taang would be following him, happy to bask in his glow of popularity (for Zutara was very popular with people outside of the house, especially his mother’s friends).
Then, out of the blue, Kataang and Maiko would swoop out of the trees like ninjas and beat the ever-living crap out of him.
Somehow, the bruises didn’t even stay. Zutara remained handsome, and Kataang was bitter about this fact. Zutara was prettier and, although not smarter, sometimes more well-spoken. Kataang didn’t even know where she got these ideas; it was more something she kept hearing Taang or Tyzula tell her (for Taang wouldn’t leave her alone and Tyzula’s relationship with Maiko was continuing enough for her to hang around Kataang). Nonetheless, she saw these traits in Zutara, and she was angry.
Furthermore, there were times when Father would hint that one child or another was his favorite. For the most part, these hints became explicit when they concerned Kataang, Maiko, and Sukka. When Tyzula asked if she was part of the list, Father would smile oddly, and meanwhile he seemed to have forgotten about the quintuplets altogether. They felt a little sad about that, but didn’t really mind.
---
Avatar: The Last Airbender was aging. It wasn’t long before it would be time for him to sail off to Acapulco. The children begged and pleaded with him; for once, they all agreed with each other. But their father was resolute; soon, he would divide his estate among the children and that would be that.
“All the children?” Tyzula asked hopefully.
Avatar sighed and shook his head. “I’m afraid not. You’ll have to share it among - oh - three or four of you?”
The children gaped. “But father, that’s cruel!” Kataang pointed out. “You can’t just say ‘oh, you’re the only ones that really deserve the house, all the others move along!’ You have to be fair!”
Zutara shrugged and glared at Kataang pointedly. “I think it’s perfectly fair for other children to be cut out of the will.”
Their mother, Avafandom, came out of the kitchen to see what was going on. “Now, now, children,” she said. “Keep in mind that I’ll still be here to take care of you.”
Maiko stood up. “What happens happens, and that’s that. Although it’s pretty clear what shall.” With that, she walked out of the room.
Taang shivered. “Isn’t it silly? Isn’t it odd? Why can’t we all live in peace and harmony? Who wants to go play football?”
Kataang looked at Taang and sighed. “Taang, I mean this in the nicest way possible. You’re twelve. I’m twenty-two. I have a job; you haven’t graduated junior high. Who do you think will actually get the money?”
Taang frowned. “But, you’ve already got all that you could want. Can’t I just have a little bit of-”
Kataang got up. “End of discussion.”
---
The dreaded day had come, and the children were clustered around the limousine in which Avatar would leave. Father read out loud from his will:
“Children, I love you all equally, but some of you are more equal than others. To Kataang, I give and bequeath the rights to my house. Two hundred thousand dollars has been set aside to send the remaining four quintuplets - Taang, Toko, Teoph, and Katoph - to boarding school. There are fifty thousand dollars that had been set aside for Tokka, but if he is not seen again while still of schooling age, this money is to be considered a part of the money not set aside. Of the remaining money, two-thirds belong to Maiko and one-third to Sukka. I give the gazebo and swingset in the backyard to Tyzula. Zutara can have the Spirit Oasis Water and my entire book collection. He’ll definitely need the spirit oasis water, but I doubt that can save him….”
Immediately the children bombarded him with questions: What about those crazy cousins, Jetara and Kataru and Sokkazula and Ty Lokka and all the others they couldn’t even name? What the hell did that bit about the swingset and gazebo mean? Wasn’t he being a bitch to Zutara?
But soon enough he vanished.
---
It wasn’t the same in the house after he left, and soon they found out exactly what he meant about Zutara.
Breakfast started out nicely enough, with Avafandom cooking scrambled eggs and Tyzula distributing cereal to the family members who didn’t like those. Kataang and Zutara were, of course, staring at each other bitterly like they had for their entire adult lives.
“I never even liked father, anyway,” Zutara muttered.
“You did too,” Maiko said flatly. “You always thought that he’d give you something worth having, always considered yourself the favorite. Once I was born, though, that concept went away.”
“SHUT UP!” Zutara yelled, slamming his fist on the table.
“There’s no point to arguing anymore, Zutara,” Kataang said cheerfully. “I won, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Zutara stood up. “Say that again so I can strangle you, you little-”
Suddenly, he froze and fell to the ground. Tyzula shrieked quietly and receded to the stove. Kataang rushed to his side. “What is it? What’s wrong?” she asked.
“It-it hurts,” Zutara said. “My heart… it’s barely beating.”
“No!” Kataang cried. “Don’t die!” She kissed his lips, tears running down her face. “You can’t just leave me like this! We were always supposed to go down together, fighting; perhaps our last words some brilliant witticism. No, no, no! Zutara!”
Zutara blinked. “What… what do you mean by this? You’ve always hated me ever since I was born-”
“Me hate you? Please! It was all you. I started out cheery and you came out with those contrary, bitter assertions, so-”
“No, you were the instigator, you always said I was the favorite-”
“But you were prettier-”
“Why the hell did you kiss me a minute ago?”
“Because I don’t mean anything without you! It’s like - it’s like darkness without light, or water without oil. They don’t coexist, but they both have to be together, and… and…”
Zutara put his hand on Kataang’s cheek. “I know what you mean, babe. I’ll miss you too.”
He kissed her on the nose; and then his body went altogether limp. Kataang burst into tears, head in her hands and chest heaving. Maiko shrugged and went to get some scrambled eggs. Tyzula cringed, muttering something like “it’s so sad”, and dragged Zutara’s body out of the room.
Rating: PG-13 for some adult themes, a little profanity, stuff like that
Characters/pairings: ATLA, Avafandom, Kataang/Zutara, Sukka/Tokka, Taang Teoph Toko Katoph, Tyzula/Maiko, and mentions of others. Those are the characters, not the ships.
Summary: The ship wars, anthropomorphized.
Length: About 2000 words.
Notes: There is much telling as opposed to showing. There is also much enemyshipping that’s very contrived. Warning: Sukka is a crossdresser. Written on crack. Probably sucks. Unbetaed because... who the hell would beta it?
Their father was the master of all four elements: Fanfiction, fanart, canon, AMV. He was awesome and well-drawn and well-written and fluidly animated. Everyone knew it, so it was inevitable that Avafandom, the twentieth child of Geek and Media, fell in love with him. Their wedding was the greatest one anyone had seen for years.
Then all their troubles began.
Their first child was Kataang, a blue-haired beauty due to an accident with tattoo ink in infancy. She found everything and everyone delightful for the most part, and gave amusement and help to whomever she thought needed it. However, Kataang got angry easily and saw the world in black and white. This put her entirely at odds with Zutara, her younger brother by only ten months. Zutara was dark and pale and thin, but tall enough to cut an imposing figure. He was slow to anger but just as slow to let go, and his list of enemies never got shorter. Eventually, though, the few people who befriended Zutara found him an excellent conversationalist and strangely appealing.
Zutara and Kataang didn’t get along at all. Both of them fiercely objected to being called Irish twins. Almost everything imaginable caused them to disagree - breakfast, math, television. Sukka, whose birth made the siblings a set of Irish triplets, tried but wasn’t able to do much about it. He was a nice enough boy, charismatic and attractive, impossible to dislike if you disregarded his penchant for wearing dresses and makeup. But nonetheless, Sukka was powerless in the face of Kataang and Zutara’s arguments.
For a good long while it was solely the three of them, although they had some visiting relatives - their cousins Jetara and Kataru, uncle Irsa, aunt Ursai. But eventually, much to everyone’s surprise, Avafandom gave birth to quintuplets: Taang, Tokka, Toko, Teoph, and Katoph. Unlike the Irish twins, they didn’t see any reason to argue with each other. This might have been because they were all so nice. Taang cheerily asserted her masculinity and non-shortness on an hourly basis, but besides that nothing could get her angry, and she was a better football player than anyone. Her best friend was Tokka, oddly enough, although it made sense, because Taang loved a good joke and Tokka could inevitably provide one. Tokka was also pretty popular with his siblings, and even Sukka would occasionally kiss him on the cheek when he thought no-one was looking.
Toko, Teoph, and Katoph were inseparable in an odd manner. They were most commonly found in the room the three shared, but hardly seemed to be friends. Katoph was curvy and voluptuous and looked beautiful in Earth Kingdom clothing, but her tall body stayed to itself for the most part. Toko tripped over anything, probably because he was blind. Teoph was quiet as well as incapacitated, he with an inability to walk, and tried to make friends with his two siblings, but they would have none of it.
It wasn’t long before the others forgot about three-fifths of the quintuplets altogether. They were easy to ignore, and Taang and Tokka were much more fun anyway. Furthermore, the fights between Kataang and Zutara only got worse. There were times when Zutara would seem to become a little friendlier, only for Kataang to punch it in the face. Soon, though, there would be a new debate to enjoy.
The twins, Tyzula and Maiko, were inseperable. Tyzula was acrobatic and pretty and cheery, while Maiko was somber and quiet and sickly, but for some reason the girls stuck to each other like glue. The birth of Yuokka soon followed theirs, but she died within a few days. The event set a pallor over the house for several days, but eventually an incident overshadowed it.
---
On the first day of fall, the sun rose and Maiko with it. She spent several hours walking about the house before the others realized: She was walking; skipping, even, and her color was much healthier than it should be.
Zutara didn’t like this.
---
Maiko was sitting on the couch, combing the hair that composed her left braid with one of her throwing knives. She looked out the window and, quietly, tried to remember how Love Amongst The Dragons went again. Suddenly, mid-comb, she realized that her head felt peculiarly light.
After a few moments figuring out what happened, she took the knife out of her hair, threw it behind her, smirked as Zutara fell to the ground with a knife embedded in his hand, and resumed combing.
---
Kataang declared a few days later that Maiko was her friend and hers alone, and she couldn’t hang out with Taang anymore, and if she’d stop seeing Tyzula that would also be very nice.
“Why?” Maiko asked, sensibly enough.
“Because,” Kataang explained, “Zutara has bribed Taang with twenty dollars and a football to be friends with him and only him, and Taang is stupid, and Zutara is a heartless bitch, and I know you agree with at least half of that sentence.”
Maiko shrugged. “Okay. I can work with that.”
The battle lines had soon been drawn. It was apparently Kataang and Maiko versus Taang and Zutara; the others could only watch from the sidelines. Both of them seemed to think Sukka belonged to them, although Kataang entertained Tokka on occasion. Tyzula flittered about to whoever she thought was best; she was good friends with Zutara, but her friendship with Maiko was clearly romantic to everyone except the two of them.
---
Sukka felt increasingly worried. He was concerned about how Tokka seemed to be almost fading out of existence, and Sukka thought he might love him. Just a little. Granted, the smarmy bastard could be a little annoying, but really it was… well… there was something about him.
He had a whole love scene planned out, but then Tokka punched him in the arm and said “That’s how I show affection. At least, it would be, if I was capable of anything anymore…”
Tokka walked out of the door mumbling something about fanon, but Sukka couldn’t even hear him. He was blushing even more than the makeup would make you think. This was enough to last him a lifetime.
---
It became increasingly common for something along the following lines to happen:
Zutara, walking along innocently enough, nose in a book or head otherwise in the clouds. Rare silence, to be honest. Occasionally, Taang would be following him, happy to bask in his glow of popularity (for Zutara was very popular with people outside of the house, especially his mother’s friends).
Then, out of the blue, Kataang and Maiko would swoop out of the trees like ninjas and beat the ever-living crap out of him.
Somehow, the bruises didn’t even stay. Zutara remained handsome, and Kataang was bitter about this fact. Zutara was prettier and, although not smarter, sometimes more well-spoken. Kataang didn’t even know where she got these ideas; it was more something she kept hearing Taang or Tyzula tell her (for Taang wouldn’t leave her alone and Tyzula’s relationship with Maiko was continuing enough for her to hang around Kataang). Nonetheless, she saw these traits in Zutara, and she was angry.
Furthermore, there were times when Father would hint that one child or another was his favorite. For the most part, these hints became explicit when they concerned Kataang, Maiko, and Sukka. When Tyzula asked if she was part of the list, Father would smile oddly, and meanwhile he seemed to have forgotten about the quintuplets altogether. They felt a little sad about that, but didn’t really mind.
---
Avatar: The Last Airbender was aging. It wasn’t long before it would be time for him to sail off to Acapulco. The children begged and pleaded with him; for once, they all agreed with each other. But their father was resolute; soon, he would divide his estate among the children and that would be that.
“All the children?” Tyzula asked hopefully.
Avatar sighed and shook his head. “I’m afraid not. You’ll have to share it among - oh - three or four of you?”
The children gaped. “But father, that’s cruel!” Kataang pointed out. “You can’t just say ‘oh, you’re the only ones that really deserve the house, all the others move along!’ You have to be fair!”
Zutara shrugged and glared at Kataang pointedly. “I think it’s perfectly fair for other children to be cut out of the will.”
Their mother, Avafandom, came out of the kitchen to see what was going on. “Now, now, children,” she said. “Keep in mind that I’ll still be here to take care of you.”
Maiko stood up. “What happens happens, and that’s that. Although it’s pretty clear what shall.” With that, she walked out of the room.
Taang shivered. “Isn’t it silly? Isn’t it odd? Why can’t we all live in peace and harmony? Who wants to go play football?”
Kataang looked at Taang and sighed. “Taang, I mean this in the nicest way possible. You’re twelve. I’m twenty-two. I have a job; you haven’t graduated junior high. Who do you think will actually get the money?”
Taang frowned. “But, you’ve already got all that you could want. Can’t I just have a little bit of-”
Kataang got up. “End of discussion.”
---
The dreaded day had come, and the children were clustered around the limousine in which Avatar would leave. Father read out loud from his will:
“Children, I love you all equally, but some of you are more equal than others. To Kataang, I give and bequeath the rights to my house. Two hundred thousand dollars has been set aside to send the remaining four quintuplets - Taang, Toko, Teoph, and Katoph - to boarding school. There are fifty thousand dollars that had been set aside for Tokka, but if he is not seen again while still of schooling age, this money is to be considered a part of the money not set aside. Of the remaining money, two-thirds belong to Maiko and one-third to Sukka. I give the gazebo and swingset in the backyard to Tyzula. Zutara can have the Spirit Oasis Water and my entire book collection. He’ll definitely need the spirit oasis water, but I doubt that can save him….”
Immediately the children bombarded him with questions: What about those crazy cousins, Jetara and Kataru and Sokkazula and Ty Lokka and all the others they couldn’t even name? What the hell did that bit about the swingset and gazebo mean? Wasn’t he being a bitch to Zutara?
But soon enough he vanished.
---
It wasn’t the same in the house after he left, and soon they found out exactly what he meant about Zutara.
Breakfast started out nicely enough, with Avafandom cooking scrambled eggs and Tyzula distributing cereal to the family members who didn’t like those. Kataang and Zutara were, of course, staring at each other bitterly like they had for their entire adult lives.
“I never even liked father, anyway,” Zutara muttered.
“You did too,” Maiko said flatly. “You always thought that he’d give you something worth having, always considered yourself the favorite. Once I was born, though, that concept went away.”
“SHUT UP!” Zutara yelled, slamming his fist on the table.
“There’s no point to arguing anymore, Zutara,” Kataang said cheerfully. “I won, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Zutara stood up. “Say that again so I can strangle you, you little-”
Suddenly, he froze and fell to the ground. Tyzula shrieked quietly and receded to the stove. Kataang rushed to his side. “What is it? What’s wrong?” she asked.
“It-it hurts,” Zutara said. “My heart… it’s barely beating.”
“No!” Kataang cried. “Don’t die!” She kissed his lips, tears running down her face. “You can’t just leave me like this! We were always supposed to go down together, fighting; perhaps our last words some brilliant witticism. No, no, no! Zutara!”
Zutara blinked. “What… what do you mean by this? You’ve always hated me ever since I was born-”
“Me hate you? Please! It was all you. I started out cheery and you came out with those contrary, bitter assertions, so-”
“No, you were the instigator, you always said I was the favorite-”
“But you were prettier-”
“Why the hell did you kiss me a minute ago?”
“Because I don’t mean anything without you! It’s like - it’s like darkness without light, or water without oil. They don’t coexist, but they both have to be together, and… and…”
Zutara put his hand on Kataang’s cheek. “I know what you mean, babe. I’ll miss you too.”
He kissed her on the nose; and then his body went altogether limp. Kataang burst into tears, head in her hands and chest heaving. Maiko shrugged and went to get some scrambled eggs. Tyzula cringed, muttering something like “it’s so sad”, and dragged Zutara’s body out of the room.