What's love got to do with it?
By GAIL ROSENBLUM, Star Tribune
For anyone about to experience it, marriage requires a herculean leap of faith. A much shorter leap is needed to imagine what was running through Shelly Haque's mind on her second date with Kaiser Haque on June 6, 1998.
That date was their wedding.
"I was really scared," Shelly said. "I thought, 'He's totally a stranger to me.'"
The Haques have been in an arranged marriage for nearly 10 years. Natives of Bangladesh, they now live in Lino Lakes with their two young children. Both recall their wedding day with equal parts amusement and awe.
"I love her more now," said Kaiser, who works in e-commerce for Deluxe Corp. "I see her."
Shelly and Kaiser appreciate that their path to marriage is surprising, and not always understandable, to their Western friends (which is one reason many couples from other countries where arranged marriage is common, including Asia and parts of Africa, declined to be interviewed).
And they're gracious enough to not point out that those who pooh-pooh their arrangement may be doing much the same thing in an altered form, feverishly completing an elaborate eHarmony personality profile, for example, or nudging friends to fix them up.
In many ways, they and other couples in arranged marriages are as mystified about what makes long-term relationships work as anyone.
"I'm not much of a fan of arranged marriage," confessed Raj Rajasekar, an IT specialist at Target Corp. While he believes people should be free to make such a monumental decision themselves, his own marriage to professional musician Nirmala Rajasekar was arranged 18 years ago, and he's grown to see its value. "It does have family support going for it," he said.
The couple, from India, live in Plymouth with their two children, Neeraj, 16, and Shruthi, 11.
In this week of valentines, we asked the two couples to share their journeys to love.
Article with photos
Myths and facts about arranged marriage
Not in an arranged marriage? (Are you sure?)
For anyone about to experience it, marriage requires a herculean leap of faith. A much shorter leap is needed to imagine what was running through Shelly Haque's mind on her second date with Kaiser Haque on June 6, 1998.
That date was their wedding.
"I was really scared," Shelly said. "I thought, 'He's totally a stranger to me.'"
The Haques have been in an arranged marriage for nearly 10 years. Natives of Bangladesh, they now live in Lino Lakes with their two young children. Both recall their wedding day with equal parts amusement and awe.
"I love her more now," said Kaiser, who works in e-commerce for Deluxe Corp. "I see her."
Shelly and Kaiser appreciate that their path to marriage is surprising, and not always understandable, to their Western friends (which is one reason many couples from other countries where arranged marriage is common, including Asia and parts of Africa, declined to be interviewed).
And they're gracious enough to not point out that those who pooh-pooh their arrangement may be doing much the same thing in an altered form, feverishly completing an elaborate eHarmony personality profile, for example, or nudging friends to fix them up.
In many ways, they and other couples in arranged marriages are as mystified about what makes long-term relationships work as anyone.
"I'm not much of a fan of arranged marriage," confessed Raj Rajasekar, an IT specialist at Target Corp. While he believes people should be free to make such a monumental decision themselves, his own marriage to professional musician Nirmala Rajasekar was arranged 18 years ago, and he's grown to see its value. "It does have family support going for it," he said.
The couple, from India, live in Plymouth with their two children, Neeraj, 16, and Shruthi, 11.
In this week of valentines, we asked the two couples to share their journeys to love.
Article with photos
Myths and facts about arranged marriage
Not in an arranged marriage? (Are you sure?)