(no subject)
i feel like i am just being made an example of. over and over. what is wrong with me? why am i cursed so?i i wish i had never said a lot of things right now. i feel stupid but honest. no i feel good because i did all i could. i am doing all i can. i just wish that the phrase "bad timing" didnt define my existence. how arbitrary everything seems at this moment, when nothing is reciprocated and most things that i thought were true are now in question. every fold has a fold. every corner has a corner. who values honor in this day and age? who values truth and honesty? who values what is morally right? i need to find a place where there are people that do, that understand the importance of being fully truthful, and understand the weight that it bears. i feel now as if i have been talking to a far off mountain and confused myself into thinking i was hearing a response when really i was just hearing a god damned echo. the world wants me to be disenfranchised i guess. there is nothing to do but let it wash over me. i am not quite sure yet what lesson i am supposed to learn from my experiences today. although still my feelings have not changed. isnt that fucked up? what the fuck is wrong with me? everything seems so illusory. wow.