What Dreams May Come
"We each pay a fabulous price
For our visions of paradise
But a spirit with a vision is a dream with a mission..."
-Rush: Hold Your Fire
Have you ever touched paradise? Have you ever come so close to trans-sending the mortal boundary that you could swear for but a brief moment you reached out with your mind or your spirit and found a higher sense of being?
Don't ask me why I'm asking these questions as they are rhetorical in nature,
Given the week the I've had... I've been emotionally drained.
I'm irritable, irrational, emotional, caring one minute, apathetic the next.
Last night I found myself in a place that I hadn't been in a long time. I was feeling quite depressed, and despite the fact that I was amongst my adopted family I was feeling very much alone. I should know better than to isolate myself to the room but I did so anyway. I programed my MP3 player with the most depressing shit I had, closed the shades, turned off the lights and laid back in complete darkness. Some of you may ask why I set myself up like this. Wouldn't it seem obvious to ask for help. In my case, no its not. When I'm feeling this way, my brain does tell me to find people, it actually makes me avoid them.
Anyway...
I laid back and turned the music on. And as I laid there my eyes became fixated on the surrounding darkness as my mind faded in and out of conciusness . Somewhere lost in the music, lost beyond coherent thought, within the depths of my subconcius mind I entered a place where I briefly, for but a moment, touched paradise. Its hard to describe or put into words. You just know you where there.
And that for me is the catch. You see... I want to go back. Its like a drug, once you have a little you want more.
The problem is I know where this road leads me. Its to nowhere, except isolation. And the problem is that for the brief few moments of paradise that you feel, they are fleeting and in the end leave you feeling more empty that you felt before.
And still I crave more. I don't know why but I want more.
And in the same token I don't.
Maybe this is my mind trying to shut itself down. Maybe this is just another way that I've been dealing with the stress.
All I know is that I hate how I've been feeling lately...
I just want this pain inside to stop.
I've touched paradise, I want to feel it again
And despite its cost, I find myself still wanting more.
I think I need help
AK
For our visions of paradise
But a spirit with a vision is a dream with a mission..."
-Rush: Hold Your Fire
Have you ever touched paradise? Have you ever come so close to trans-sending the mortal boundary that you could swear for but a brief moment you reached out with your mind or your spirit and found a higher sense of being?
Don't ask me why I'm asking these questions as they are rhetorical in nature,
Given the week the I've had... I've been emotionally drained.
I'm irritable, irrational, emotional, caring one minute, apathetic the next.
Last night I found myself in a place that I hadn't been in a long time. I was feeling quite depressed, and despite the fact that I was amongst my adopted family I was feeling very much alone. I should know better than to isolate myself to the room but I did so anyway. I programed my MP3 player with the most depressing shit I had, closed the shades, turned off the lights and laid back in complete darkness. Some of you may ask why I set myself up like this. Wouldn't it seem obvious to ask for help. In my case, no its not. When I'm feeling this way, my brain does tell me to find people, it actually makes me avoid them.
Anyway...
I laid back and turned the music on. And as I laid there my eyes became fixated on the surrounding darkness as my mind faded in and out of conciusness . Somewhere lost in the music, lost beyond coherent thought, within the depths of my subconcius mind I entered a place where I briefly, for but a moment, touched paradise. Its hard to describe or put into words. You just know you where there.
And that for me is the catch. You see... I want to go back. Its like a drug, once you have a little you want more.
The problem is I know where this road leads me. Its to nowhere, except isolation. And the problem is that for the brief few moments of paradise that you feel, they are fleeting and in the end leave you feeling more empty that you felt before.
And still I crave more. I don't know why but I want more.
And in the same token I don't.
Maybe this is my mind trying to shut itself down. Maybe this is just another way that I've been dealing with the stress.
All I know is that I hate how I've been feeling lately...
I just want this pain inside to stop.
I've touched paradise, I want to feel it again
And despite its cost, I find myself still wanting more.
I think I need help
AK