It Lives!
When I looked to see when my last post was, all I could think was "Fuck!" I'm actually a bit incredulous about it. And it's fucking July! How the hell did that happen? And why the hell am I swearing so much? Shit!
Okay, deep breath. I feel as if I took a tumble off the edge of the earth and I'm a bit disoriented. I've desperately missed my lovely patchwork internet community and I fear I've disappeared too long to ever really be a part, however insignificant a part, of it again. *sigh* But one must restart somewhere, so here I am again. 7/11 seemed an auspicious date, for some reason.
There's not much point in recounting the events of the last couple of months. "Crazy" does not adequately describe the levels of insanity reached. I just can't even describe it. Really. I've been sitting here trying to capture the combination of change and stagnation and tragedy and triumph and plodding day-to-day grind and I don't even know where to start. I feel a bit like a tightly corked bottle of something fizzy that's been shaken too hard for too long. The end result will be a useless stream of chaotic bubbles that'll just leave a sticky mess in its wake. I'm simultaneously bone-weary and wound entirely too tight. The long and the short of it is, though still gainfully employed, I am seeking a job that will allow me to use the skill set I am currently acquiring without having yet honed said skill set adequately to perform said job and with no firm time-frame in which current employment/training will be deemed complete and I will be unceremoniously kicked to the curb for a fresh crop of victims fellows. I'm living in this bizarre limbo-land of if/then and maybe. I seem to thrive on uncertainty, but it makes my chest hurt and my stomach roll.
But it's the good old summertime and, though the livin' ain't easy, the cicadas are buzzing and the fireflies glimmering and I've got air conditioning. So there's that. And I have hope that this hot mess will straighten itself out and I won't have wasted a year of my life and I'll end up where I need to be. Maybe. Or at least I'll be able to get health insurance. Have I mentioned the irony of being an uninsured physician? I'll save that crazy for another day...