"My Thing Is My Own" - Early 18th century period smut
Straying waaay off topic here but I just heard this on the radio and its too good not to share. Allow me to present "My thing is my own" by the Baltimore Consort courtesy of last.fm. It's an extraordinarily rude and very funny ballad from Thomas d'Urfey's Wit and Mirth, or Pills to Purge Melancholy published in 5 volumes between 1698 and 1720. It may be off topic but it does feature a misbehaving Lieutenant:
A blunt Lieutenant surpriz'd my Placket
And fiercely began to rifle and sack it,
I mustered my Spirits up and became bold,
And forc'd my Lieutenant to quit his strong hold.
~ My Thing Is My Own ~
I a tender young Maid have been courted by many,
Of all sorts and Trades as ever was any:
A spruce Haberdasher first spake me fair,
But I would have nothing to do with Small ware.
My Thing is my Own, and I'll keep it so still,
Yet other young Lasses may do what they will.
A sweet scented Courtier did give me a Kiss,
And promis'd me Mountains if I would be his,
But I'll not believe him, for it is too true,
Some Courtiers do promise much more than they do.
My thing is my own . . .
A Master of Musick came with an intent,
To give me a Lesson on my Instrument,
I thank'd him for nothing, but bid him be gone,
For my little Fiddle should not be plaid on.
My thing is my own . . .
An Usurer came with abundance of Cash,
But I had no mind to come under his Lash,
He profer'd me Jewels, and a great store of Gold,
But I would not Mortgage my little Free-hold.
My thing is my own . . .
A blunt Lieutenant surpriz'd my Placket
And fiercely began to rifle and sack it,
I mustered my Spirits up and became bold,
And forc'd my Lieutenant to quit his strong hold.
My thing is my own . . .
A fine dapper Taylor, with a Yard in his Hand,
Did profer his Service to be at Command,
He talk'd of a slit I had above Knee,
But I'll have no Taylors to stitch it for me.
My thing is my own . ..
Now here I could reckon a hundred and more,
Besides all the Gamesters recited before,
That made their addresses in hopes of a snap
But as young as I was I understood Trap,
My thing is my own, and I'll keep it so still,
Until I be Marryed, say Men what they will.
A blunt Lieutenant surpriz'd my Placket
And fiercely began to rifle and sack it,
I mustered my Spirits up and became bold,
And forc'd my Lieutenant to quit his strong hold.
~ My Thing Is My Own ~
I a tender young Maid have been courted by many,
Of all sorts and Trades as ever was any:
A spruce Haberdasher first spake me fair,
But I would have nothing to do with Small ware.
My Thing is my Own, and I'll keep it so still,
Yet other young Lasses may do what they will.
A sweet scented Courtier did give me a Kiss,
And promis'd me Mountains if I would be his,
But I'll not believe him, for it is too true,
Some Courtiers do promise much more than they do.
My thing is my own . . .
A Master of Musick came with an intent,
To give me a Lesson on my Instrument,
I thank'd him for nothing, but bid him be gone,
For my little Fiddle should not be plaid on.
My thing is my own . . .
An Usurer came with abundance of Cash,
But I had no mind to come under his Lash,
He profer'd me Jewels, and a great store of Gold,
But I would not Mortgage my little Free-hold.
My thing is my own . . .
A blunt Lieutenant surpriz'd my Placket
And fiercely began to rifle and sack it,
I mustered my Spirits up and became bold,
And forc'd my Lieutenant to quit his strong hold.
My thing is my own . . .
A fine dapper Taylor, with a Yard in his Hand,
Did profer his Service to be at Command,
He talk'd of a slit I had above Knee,
But I'll have no Taylors to stitch it for me.
My thing is my own . ..
Now here I could reckon a hundred and more,
Besides all the Gamesters recited before,
That made their addresses in hopes of a snap
But as young as I was I understood Trap,
My thing is my own, and I'll keep it so still,
Until I be Marryed, say Men what they will.