The Topman's Talent
Title: The Topman's Talent
Author: Anteros
Characters: Archie Kennedy, Horatio Hornblower, Lieutenant Bracegirdle, Marine Lieutenant O'Connor, James
Rating: PG
Notes: Nonsense, written for the following_Sea Flowery Knickers Challenge.
Indefatigable, Falmouth, 1797
A slam and an oath heralded Hornblower’s arrival as he stormed from his cabin into the wardroom.
“What the devil is this?” He roared, brandishing a flimsy threadbare undergarment.
Kennedy looked up from the table where he was writing his log. “That, unless I am very much mistaken Mr Hornblower, is a pair of drawers. Or at least they were,” Kennedy peered across the table, “they rather look like they've seen better days. I wouldn’t bank on those to keep the west wind out.”
“Or in,” added O’Connor, the lieutenant of Marines, from the far end of table.
“I know they’re drawers, and I know they’ve seen better days,” Hornblower was almost speechless with rage. “If this is your doing Archie….”
“My doing?!” gasped Kennedy in mock astonishment. “What would I be doing with your drawers Mr Hornblower?”
“This! What is this?” Hornblower waved the offending garment in fury before flinging it onto the wardroom table. “I gave these to steward for mending and here they are returned with…with…this!”
The assembled officers gathered round and peered curiously at Hornblower’s drawers.
“Flowers!” laughed Kennedy.
“Daisies if I’m not mistaken,” added Lieutenant Bracegirdle.
“Could be marigolds perhaps?” suggested O’Connor.
“No. I am sure those are daisies,” nodded the first lieutenant sagely.
“I don’t care what they are!” seethed Hornblower. “What are they doing on my drawers?!”
“Making a rather attractive border?” replied Archie helpfully.
“But why did the steward see fit to embroider flowers on my undergarments?”
“Oh I don’t think that’s the steward’s work, Hornblower.” Bracegirdle had picked up the drawers and was examining them closely. “Far too fine for him. What do you think O’Connor?”
He passed the embroidered knickers down the table to the Marine lieutenant, who peered at them, picking at the tiny neat stiches.
“I concur Mr Bracegirdle. I’d say this is James’ work.
“Who in god’s name is James?” spluttered Hornblower, “and how the devil did he get his hands on my drawers?”
“I was just going to ask that very question.” Archie muttered under his breath.
“James is one of the mizzen top men,” explained the first lieutenant, who could be replied upon to know every man aboard. “He’s a dab hand with needle and thread. Reckoned to be one of the finest tailors afloat in fact.”
“Yes indeed,” agreed O’Connor. “His services are very much in demand and he charges a pretty penny for his work. I had him re-stitch some lace just the other day. Made a fine job of it so he did, almost good as new.”
“But why the flowers?” persisted Hornblower, his anger had fizzled out to bemusement. “Why not just stitch the damn things?”
“I think Horatio, you’ll find that the embroidery is there to conceal where they have been mended.” Archie suggested. “Though judging by the sorry state of your unmentionables, I am surprised they aren’t blooming all over!”
“I say, look at that!” exclaimed the Marine lieutenant, tossing the drawers up the table towards the other lieutenants.
Bracegirdle caught the garment and smoothed the flimsy fabric out on the table top. “Well I’ll be! The man certainly has a talent! Look, he’s stitched a little figure here.”
“Where? What is it?” Hornblower leaned across the table to look more closely at his drawers.
“I do believe it’s supposed to be you Horatio!” Archie laughed. “It’s a very fine likeness, he’s fair captured your profile. Look, he’s embroidered your nose perfectly!”
“What’s that?” asked Bracegirdle, pointing to a lengthy protuberance emanating from the figure.
“Must be a sword,” replied Hornblower, colouring slightly.
“Call that a sword?” Scoffed O’Connor. “Looks more like an umbrella to me!”
“No, no you’re both mistaken,” Kennedy interrupted. “I believe it’s a play on your noble lineage Mr Hornblower, a sort of heraldic device, if you will. Unless I am very much mistaken, Horatio, your embroiderer has endowed you with a very magnificent horn!”
Author: Anteros
Characters: Archie Kennedy, Horatio Hornblower, Lieutenant Bracegirdle, Marine Lieutenant O'Connor, James
Rating: PG
Notes: Nonsense, written for the following_Sea Flowery Knickers Challenge.
Indefatigable, Falmouth, 1797
A slam and an oath heralded Hornblower’s arrival as he stormed from his cabin into the wardroom.
“What the devil is this?” He roared, brandishing a flimsy threadbare undergarment.
Kennedy looked up from the table where he was writing his log. “That, unless I am very much mistaken Mr Hornblower, is a pair of drawers. Or at least they were,” Kennedy peered across the table, “they rather look like they've seen better days. I wouldn’t bank on those to keep the west wind out.”
“Or in,” added O’Connor, the lieutenant of Marines, from the far end of table.
“I know they’re drawers, and I know they’ve seen better days,” Hornblower was almost speechless with rage. “If this is your doing Archie….”
“My doing?!” gasped Kennedy in mock astonishment. “What would I be doing with your drawers Mr Hornblower?”
“This! What is this?” Hornblower waved the offending garment in fury before flinging it onto the wardroom table. “I gave these to steward for mending and here they are returned with…with…this!”
The assembled officers gathered round and peered curiously at Hornblower’s drawers.
“Flowers!” laughed Kennedy.
“Daisies if I’m not mistaken,” added Lieutenant Bracegirdle.
“Could be marigolds perhaps?” suggested O’Connor.
“No. I am sure those are daisies,” nodded the first lieutenant sagely.
“I don’t care what they are!” seethed Hornblower. “What are they doing on my drawers?!”
“Making a rather attractive border?” replied Archie helpfully.
“But why did the steward see fit to embroider flowers on my undergarments?”
“Oh I don’t think that’s the steward’s work, Hornblower.” Bracegirdle had picked up the drawers and was examining them closely. “Far too fine for him. What do you think O’Connor?”
He passed the embroidered knickers down the table to the Marine lieutenant, who peered at them, picking at the tiny neat stiches.
“I concur Mr Bracegirdle. I’d say this is James’ work.
“Who in god’s name is James?” spluttered Hornblower, “and how the devil did he get his hands on my drawers?”
“I was just going to ask that very question.” Archie muttered under his breath.
“James is one of the mizzen top men,” explained the first lieutenant, who could be replied upon to know every man aboard. “He’s a dab hand with needle and thread. Reckoned to be one of the finest tailors afloat in fact.”
“Yes indeed,” agreed O’Connor. “His services are very much in demand and he charges a pretty penny for his work. I had him re-stitch some lace just the other day. Made a fine job of it so he did, almost good as new.”
“But why the flowers?” persisted Hornblower, his anger had fizzled out to bemusement. “Why not just stitch the damn things?”
“I think Horatio, you’ll find that the embroidery is there to conceal where they have been mended.” Archie suggested. “Though judging by the sorry state of your unmentionables, I am surprised they aren’t blooming all over!”
“I say, look at that!” exclaimed the Marine lieutenant, tossing the drawers up the table towards the other lieutenants.
Bracegirdle caught the garment and smoothed the flimsy fabric out on the table top. “Well I’ll be! The man certainly has a talent! Look, he’s stitched a little figure here.”
“Where? What is it?” Hornblower leaned across the table to look more closely at his drawers.
“I do believe it’s supposed to be you Horatio!” Archie laughed. “It’s a very fine likeness, he’s fair captured your profile. Look, he’s embroidered your nose perfectly!”
“What’s that?” asked Bracegirdle, pointing to a lengthy protuberance emanating from the figure.
“Must be a sword,” replied Hornblower, colouring slightly.
“Call that a sword?” Scoffed O’Connor. “Looks more like an umbrella to me!”
“No, no you’re both mistaken,” Kennedy interrupted. “I believe it’s a play on your noble lineage Mr Hornblower, a sort of heraldic device, if you will. Unless I am very much mistaken, Horatio, your embroiderer has endowed you with a very magnificent horn!”