Fiction, early draft

[antennapedia]

Yeah, okay, this sort of happened. What the hell. It needs another draft at least, but I am feeling impatient. Either it gets another draft or I abandon it entirely because I'm not sure I can make the transitional moment work

Comments

[secondalto]

Beautiful.
I wouldn't question the characterization.
Loved it all.

[antennapedia]

I gotta do something about the opening & the ending, though. Language isn't quite under control enough. Okay, another spin on it, and I'll let it loose.

[secondalto]

Well I was reading it with my fan hat on, I could give it another look with my editor hat on if you like.