This will do.
I am eating a gram cracker peanut butter gram cracker sandwich now. It is done now, all the stikiness in my mouth has gone to a peanut butterish smelling residue that coats my teeth and tongue and throat.
Thought I should update this thing or let its purpose be defeated. I remember reading about ethnologists who study tribes and humanity before it became modern. There was a supposed untouched tribe discovered in Indonesia and ethnologists from all around the world went to observe and learn from them. In the process they destroyed the object of their study, the effects of hundreds of years of isolation upon a group of people. I hope it is not the same with this writing and my memory.
The Indonesian tribal case ended up being a huge hoax set up by the government to encourage tourism. (The memory ended up being...)
I have gone many places...to Savannah and back, to Atlanta and back, to Atlanta and back again, in the last nine days. In two, on Tuesday, one now I suppose, I go to North Carolina. I will go to India on August 23.
In my pocket there is a 100 rupee note, a gift worth approximately two dollars, or, enough to sustain an Indian for several days. My tendency to look at objects, furniture, computers, buildings, roads, clothes, meals, cars in terms of food and medicine that could prolong the majority of Earth's human lives has subsided. I suppose I'm growing a bit more sane, right? I looked at a building in Atlanta across from the movie theater and appreciated the architecture. I fucking appreciated the architecture for being postmodern in a world where 1/3 of my species is mal nourished. I did that. Art...hope and fear in the making...saves and kills. Fucking art.
Profanity is so profane. So much more profane that the computer screen it takes to read it or the keyboard that takes to type it. Really. I mean come on, what am I doing?
I tried to save two turtles. One I realized was injured and perhaps dead (for I still possess a mental image of red turtle flesh from a cracked shell) and so I became afraid to move it. A few days later I pulled over to save another determined shell animal, but, too late, it became a red spot on the road. These failures are stuck, literally stuck, in my mind now. And I call them failures, or feel them as failures in my brain.
I launched with others in the last few days two hot air balloons made out of free plastic and birthday candles. Both flew. They are quite amazing, and these are also stuck in my mind.
There are people stuck there too, people I have seen, people I have not seen but wish to, people I will see, and a girl I love and what I said and what she said and how she drove me crazy (not just she, but my reaction to her, for I must take someone I love seriously even if I can no longer recall how their emotions are linked to reality, I have discovered), literally to be mentally unwell for a while (sleep is essential, and replacing it with absorbing someone else's screams and sobs is not an effective alternative to sleep, I have discovered). I am still trying to get to a point where I am aware but do not absorb so many stimuli once again. The empty cup. It is very difficult to empty one's cup, I have discovered.
Thought I should update this thing or let its purpose be defeated. I remember reading about ethnologists who study tribes and humanity before it became modern. There was a supposed untouched tribe discovered in Indonesia and ethnologists from all around the world went to observe and learn from them. In the process they destroyed the object of their study, the effects of hundreds of years of isolation upon a group of people. I hope it is not the same with this writing and my memory.
The Indonesian tribal case ended up being a huge hoax set up by the government to encourage tourism. (The memory ended up being...)
I have gone many places...to Savannah and back, to Atlanta and back, to Atlanta and back again, in the last nine days. In two, on Tuesday, one now I suppose, I go to North Carolina. I will go to India on August 23.
In my pocket there is a 100 rupee note, a gift worth approximately two dollars, or, enough to sustain an Indian for several days. My tendency to look at objects, furniture, computers, buildings, roads, clothes, meals, cars in terms of food and medicine that could prolong the majority of Earth's human lives has subsided. I suppose I'm growing a bit more sane, right? I looked at a building in Atlanta across from the movie theater and appreciated the architecture. I fucking appreciated the architecture for being postmodern in a world where 1/3 of my species is mal nourished. I did that. Art...hope and fear in the making...saves and kills. Fucking art.
Profanity is so profane. So much more profane that the computer screen it takes to read it or the keyboard that takes to type it. Really. I mean come on, what am I doing?
I tried to save two turtles. One I realized was injured and perhaps dead (for I still possess a mental image of red turtle flesh from a cracked shell) and so I became afraid to move it. A few days later I pulled over to save another determined shell animal, but, too late, it became a red spot on the road. These failures are stuck, literally stuck, in my mind now. And I call them failures, or feel them as failures in my brain.
I launched with others in the last few days two hot air balloons made out of free plastic and birthday candles. Both flew. They are quite amazing, and these are also stuck in my mind.
There are people stuck there too, people I have seen, people I have not seen but wish to, people I will see, and a girl I love and what I said and what she said and how she drove me crazy (not just she, but my reaction to her, for I must take someone I love seriously even if I can no longer recall how their emotions are linked to reality, I have discovered), literally to be mentally unwell for a while (sleep is essential, and replacing it with absorbing someone else's screams and sobs is not an effective alternative to sleep, I have discovered). I am still trying to get to a point where I am aware but do not absorb so many stimuli once again. The empty cup. It is very difficult to empty one's cup, I have discovered.