Grumpy pants beware of the blood nut
I am hurt. It seems I only write when I am feeling a bit blue or angry. Oh well I need to vent and no one seems to be listening at the moment. Last week I was feeling really overwhelmed with all of my friends going through major shit. Sometimes I have a habbit of feeling like I need to fix all my friends problems. I know this is totally imposible.
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Boys are stupid, yairs most certainly.
However girls are often very very insecure.
See both genders can make relevant (and possibly offensive) generalisations!
By insecure it's ... exactly what it means. When you have a partner she will (in most cases) not be comfortable "their man" hanging out with a female friend.
Amongst a large group, yeah fine. The smaller the group becomes the more the partner's hackles start to rise.
But your observation "I have noticed with a certian subset of my male friends that disappear when they have girlfriends" holds with BOTH genders.
Very close to 100% of the couples I know go through what i call the honeymoon phase- they spend most of their free time with each other, getting to know of each other- and psychologically the other person meets most of their needs for social interaction.
But in time the gloss & wonder falls away from the relationship (anywhere from weeks to years depending on the couple) and the need for varied couple takes hold once again & you'll start t osee them more often. At times *gasp* even seperately!
Cannot be changed, must just be accepted.
Quick hint- if a guy/girl is in a new "relationship" and DOESN'T do a disappearing act then either they're not really that into the person / are just f&@kbuddies.
Annnnnnnd the first part of your post- about a girl being something of an Outsider in amongst the Engineering males? Yeah- pretty much always the case. You get special consideration for having boobs but similarly many engineers will be a little unsure how to relate to you BECAUSE you have boobs.
And all of them will have some slight interest in your social actions, reactions & relationship status because knowledge of you increases their knowledge of that mysterious creature- the female.
At times the passing of this knowledge from male-male will take the form of jokes or even slights as that comes with fewer acknowledgements of "I'm interested in how this girl thinks/behaves".
All very subconscious of course- and in my experience most engineers have minimal communication between conscious & sub, so they won't be aware themselves.
A final comment if I may- the statement "guys can never be just friends with females". I'd like to present you with the true- unsimplified- version.
"Whilst a guy can genuinely be friends with a girl, a part of a guy's psyche will always retain at LEAST a sexual curiosity towards any female he finds physically attractive."
Summary- Yes can be friends, but will entertain sexual thoughts from time to time. This does not invalidate the friendship.
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I by no means think men are idiots.
I think quite a few 18 year old engineering students, haven't talked to many girls and don't really know appropriate ways to behave.
I think the majority of my confusion has arisen from older students 22-30 that are quite socially adept that every now and then do something that confuses me.
I guess its nice to know that I am not totally fugly :) I have had some trouble recently with one of close male friends who liked my sexual psyche but wasn't available to me physically. I think this one of the reasons I feel slightly confused by the behavior of some of my male friends. I guess I am beginning to understand the "sexual curiosity" is just inherent but not malicious or even carrying sexual intent.
As far as the honeymoon period is concerned, I guess thats what I mean by get busy. But my second hypothesis I was referring to goes far beyond that. I have friends who are on again off again with girlfriends that disappear and friends that reappear every few years after a break up. I agree it probably has a great deal to do with possessive girlfriends.
Hey was it you that was in IT?
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"I by no means think men are idiots. "
You should. We're human. Humans wander between periods of competance and stupidity :)
"I think quite a few 18 year old engineering students, haven't talked to many girls and don't really know appropriate ways to behave"
Correct!
"older students 22-30 that are quite socially adept that every now and then do something that confuses me"
And themselves...
"beginning to understand the "sexual curiosity" is just inherent"
The only really important point i was trying to make :)
"I agree it probably has a great deal to do with possessive girlfriends"
Yes and no. To counterpoint my own argument, my girlfriend isn't possessive & yet due to changes in my working and social situation I have only VERY rarely seen anyone but her for over a year. I quite literally have to make time to see other friends.
Or to put it another way, as you (or your vanishing friends) move from uni -> full time work all the potential for casually bumping into friends or just hanging out dwindles to none quite rapidly.
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I don't rate humans very highly but thats a whole other problem.
Understanding how to best relate to people meaning men in large groups is something new to me. I just want to be able to get my head around the best way to feel comfortable and secure. I rely on friendships alot, because I suck at intimate relationships. There is a feminist part of me that just reacts and gets upset when I am being objectified. I don't know if this is justifiable however it is my reaction.
ps LJ is telling me to wish you a happy birthday.
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