[shanti]
POMEGRANATES ~A STORY IN FOUR SEASONS~
by ukefied
I. Winter Match
It's snowing, slowly blanketing the campus of Juuban High School in white.
Tsutsui Kimihiro pauses in the act of washing the go stones and stares at the falling flakes of white for a few minutes. Some drift past the window toward the ground, others stick to the pane and melt.
At least, he laments as he goes back to his task, it isn't snowing hard, and it's a fairly mild day. Kimihiro doesn't like being cold, and he isn't going right home after he cleans up the club area. His Greek Mythology class had been assigned their paper topics today, and he wants to get a head-start gathering sources.
He looks up when someone pokes her head into the clubroom, and recognizes the girl. "Ah, Hyuga-san, are you looking for someone?"
"Tsutsui-san!" she exclaims. "You're here today? Where's Akari-chan?"
Kimihiro gives her a grin. "Fujisaki-san has to finish up a project due tomorrow, so I offered to clean up the area for her."
Hyuga-san shakes her head, brown pigtails following the motions. "That girl, she pushes herself too hard sometimes. But," she adds with a smile, "without her, we wouldn't have a go club in this school."
"Fujisaki-san is amazing," Kimihiro agrees, and he means it wholeheartedly. Some semesters ago, she had single-handedly taken over the Haze middle school club when Kimihiro, the founder, had resigned to study for his high school entrance exams. "I don't mind doing this favor for her, anyway. I don't get to play go as often as I'd like these days."
"Oh, don't say that," Hyuga-san giggles. "Tsutsui-san! You can go to a salon anytime you like, and we'd always play you here, too. You're so smart, you can afford to skip out on studying one day or two a week to come and play more."
Kimihiro can't help the grateful smile that suddenly graces his expression. "You're right, I suppose I could make an effort to be here more often...."
Hyuga-san nods vigorously. "That's the spirit!" She waves. "I've got to run. I'm not as smart or as disciplined as you or Akari-chan; I have to go do my homework now."
"Take care, Hyuga-san," Kimihiro calls after her, raising a hand in farewell.
When the girl is gone, Kimihiro goes back to his task of washing the club's go stones and tidying up the area. Satisfied, he packs up his belongings, pulls on his oversized green coat and matching hat, and prepares to brave the winter.
Leaving Juuban's campus, Kimihiro suddenly feels older than he really is. Sometimes, he really misses the old days in their borrowed club space, marveling at Shindou Hikaru's alternating prowess and ineptitude. He misses being younger, spending the majority of his days dividing his attention between getting good grades and devouring igo strategy.
He still loves the strategic attributes of go, but he feels a little left behind. He has always known he would be seeing Touya Akira's name everywhere in the go world -- but he did not count on Shindou Hikaru's name to almost constantly accompany the former's.
He's walking with his head lowered against the wind, which is blowing the snow right in his face. He senses the other person coming toward him and moves aside, but not enough. When their arms brush, Kimihiro automatically says, "Oh, sorry," with barely a pause, and keeps walking.
He's taken not five steps when he hears a low voice say, "What?"
The voice sounds familiar. Puzzled, Kimihiro turns around, and says, "I only apolo--" he stops short, gaping. If the voice was familiar, the red hair and the face that still reads "delinquent" are definitely telling. "K-Kaga?!" he exclaims.
The redhead looks as surprised as he does, one hand holding a cigarette, half-raised to his lips. "Tsutsui? So it is you." As shocked as he had looked, his expression calms again, and he takes a drag.
Kimihiro isn't sure what he feels as the taller boy walks up to him, but it's something. This is Kaga Tetsuo: A former classmate; a sometimes-bully, sometimes-friend; someone who hates go, yet who helped them get into the middle school tournament. Kimihiro hasn't seen Kaga since high school.
He looks up (he's always had to look up) at Kaga Tetsuo. He's kind of blurry; there are spots on Kimihiro's glasses where snowflakes have settled on the frames. "I'm surprised to see you here," he says truthfully.
"You can say that again," Kaga quips. He drops his cigarette into the snow. "What are you doing in these parts of town?"
He doesn't have any reason to tell Kaga anything, but ends up telling Kaga everything. "I come to Juuban every now and then to play with their go club. Fujisaki Akari -- do you remember her? -- is the founder."
"Ah," Kaga says, giving him a measuring look, "you still play go, huh?"
Instinctively, Kimihiro feels defensive. "I still love go, yes," he replies, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. Kaga is a very good go player, yet he mocks the game and its enthusiasts.
"Ha," Kaga snorts. "Don't get so snarky." He lifts a hand, as though saying goodbye, and turns back around.
"Wait, Kaga!" Kimihiro doesn't know why he does it -- why he just doesn't let Kaga leave and the two of them can go on their own merry ways and never cross paths again, for all he knows.
But when Kaga looks over his shoulder, Kimihiro says, "You didn't tell me anything about yourself! You can't leave just yet!"
He expects Kaga to mock him, or maybe even sneer at him. What he doesn't expect is Kaga to turn full around with the invite, "Then come with me for coffee, and we'll catch up."
Kimihiro stares at him. "Coffee?"
"You know what that is, don't you?" Kaga asks dryly. "Come on, my treat. I have time today, anyway."
Before he realizes he's doing it, Kimihiro is falling into step beside his former classmate. "Nice... weather," he ventures, to make conversation.
Kaga snorts, hearing the mild sarcasm. "Winter will be over soon."
"Yes," Kimihiro agrees, and decides to write his paper on Persephone.
II. Spring Fever
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Kimihiro asks, giving the boy sitting across from him a concerned look. "I know you play every now and then to keep your skill honed, but you don't have--"
"Just shut up," Kaga says. He holds up a fist. "Nigiri."
Kimihiro nods and follows suit. "I'm white," he replies when they are finished.
It's been a long time since Kimihiro has played with someone as skilled as Kaga. Kimihiro settles down and gets into the game -- without a strategy guide, because Kaga doesn't like it when he uses them, he remembers.
Since running into one another back in the winter, Kimihiro and Kaga have been spending a fair amount of time together. What began as a conversation over coffee has become a weekly ritual: Two old friends reconnecting. Kaga is working at a movie theatre to earn money for school and his own apartment, whereas Kimihiro is a full-time student living with his parents. The years have calmed Kaga, though Kimihiro isn't sure just how much. Still, Kimihiro has found he enjoys Kaga's company, despite the fact that this Kaga isn't such a far cry from the one who used to seek shelter in the clubroom from teachers who caught him smoking on school grounds.
It's a good game, and Kimihiro loses by five moku. As they clear the stones, Kaga asks, "Why do you play go?"
"I told you," Kimihiro replies, "I love it. I love strategy." After a pause, he asks, "Why do you play it, if you hate it so much?"
Kaga stares at him for a moment, contemplating. "In general?" he ventures. "Or just now?"
The answer makes Kimihiro forget what he was going to reply. "Now? What do you mean, just now?"
"Well," Kaga explains as he lights up (much to Kimihiro's distaste) "usually I play to keep my skill up. Just because I hate the game doesn't mean I want to forget what I've learned. But just now," he takes a long drag, "just now I was playing because you said you wanted to."
He says it so casually, Kimihiro thinks he's joking, or that Kaga is mocking him. When he stares at Kaga's face, though, he finds no trace of insincerity. "Are you -- serious?" There's something, something....
Kaga pushes his chair out and stands up, resting his cigarette on the ashtray as he does so. "Of course I am, idiot."
"Don't call me an idiot!" Kimihiro snaps, but as soon as he completes the outburst, Kaga is at his chair, diving in -- and before Kimihiro realizes what is happening, there are lips on his lips, a hand gripping his chin -- he is being kissed.
Kaga Tetsuo is kissing him.
"K-Kaga," he manages around the other's mouth, but that's all he's able to say before Kaga's tongue is rubbing against his.
This is not Kimihiro's first kiss, but it may as well be. Kaga is nothing like the shy Emiko was; Kaga is strong, almost brutal, and very male. He kneels and pulls Kimihiro from the chair, presses him as close to Kaga's body as humanly possible and kisses him harder from this new, better angle.
Kimihiro discovers he likes this. He doesn't even mind that Kaga has bumped his glasses, and now the frames are stuck at an awkward angle between their faces. His hands, which have been gripping Kaga's sleeves, relax and secure a softer hold on the redhead's forearms. He wonders, What are we doing? and just as quickly, I'm kissing Kaga!
The kiss finally ends when one of Kaga's hands grazes Kimihiro's bottom, and he jumps and makes some kind of muffled squawk.
"Kaga!" he gasps, breaking away. He inhales sharply; fresh air. "Wh-what--?"
The redhead stares at him for a few moments, though his gaze is hardly steady. Kaga's eyes stray from Kimihiro's face to his shoulder, from his shoulder to the ground, from the ground to the forgotten go board. "Not sorry," he says eventually, in a gruff tone. "But... didn't mean to catch you off guard like that."
Kimihiro gapes at the other young man, incredulous. "You mean, you didn't mean to throw yourself at me?" When Kaga does nothing more than shrug, Kimihiro continues, "Kaga, what -- what -- why did you do that?"
Kaga shrugs again.
"Kaga," Kimhiro does his best to be stern, even though he's always felt at a disadvantage around the taller redhead, ever since junior high. "Kaga, that's not -- you don't just -- you can't just go around kissing people just because."
"You want it to mean something?" Kaga asks flippantly, as though he doesn't care about the answer.
At this, Kimihiro's mouth shuts, his teeth clicking together audibly. He knows he's blushing, swears he can feel it. Kaga, he thinks, desperately, because he wasn't thinking about that (not anything like that at all) except that now he is wondering if maybe, maybe....
His internal conflict is evidently visible, because he suddenly notices Kaga looking at him. Kimihiro wants to shrink, wishes the ground would open up and swallow him, imagines what it would be like to hit Kaga -- maybe in the face, for--
"You didn't hate it," Kaga points out. He doesn't even do so smugly, but Kimihiro can't help but feel as though he is being teased in one of the cruelest ways.
"Why did you do it?" he demands, putting some distance between them. "That isn't funny, Kaga!"
"I never said it was supposed to be funny," Kaga snaps. "Did it feel like I was joking, Tsutsui?"
Kimihiro falters; he's afraid to ask. "But, Kaga, you--"
The redhead waves an impatient hand. "Tsutsui, I wouldn't do something like that if I didn't mean it." He gives Kimihiro a look. "But don't think I'm going to get mushy or anything. I don't do that."
Kaga likes me, Kimihiro realizes, concentrating his gaze on the far corner of the wall. He doesn't know why; there is nothing extraordinary about him. "Kaga," he starts, but fails to continue. He looks back up at the man he has known, if distantly at times, for years. It's almost like he's seeing Kaga Tetsuo for the first time, and this older, more mature Kaga appears... uneasy. Of my response?
It's true, Kaga was -- is, to a certain extent -- something of a bully, immature, a delinquent who smoked on school grounds and ran from authority. Still, Kimihiro remembers Kaga helping him, helping Shindou, and even being nice, though the pleasantness was concealed beneath a rough exterior.
"Is that a no, then?" Kaga wonders, and Kimihiro realizes he's been silent for several long moments. The redhead sounds resigned, as though a refusal was what he expected all along.
"Not no," Kimihiro replies, maybe too quickly. "Just... why?"
To his surprise, Kaga spreads his hands in a helpless gesture. "Attraction is so stupid. Doesn't really offer too many explanations for itself. Just attracts, you know?"
Kimihiro swallows, sees a chance, and wonders if he should take it. He isn't sure this is such a good idea, because they are still in school and could be anywhere in a year's time. However, he doesn't back away when Kaga closes the distance between them.
"Kaga," he says, softly. The redhead is so close now, and Kimihiro can see how nicely Kaga has filled out over the years, can see Kaga's tongue sneak out to wet the lips Kimihiro had tasted only minutes ago, can see Kaga's strong arms reach out to take hold of him. He doesn't flinch away.
"You don't have to," Kaga says, even though he holds Kimihiro so possessively one would think that yes, he did have to.
Kimihiro's eyes close when Kaga kisses him a second time. Attraction is so stupid.
Kaga's hands caress his rear again, but this time, he doesn't pull away.
III. Summer Stars
Tetsuo makes Kimihiro do things of which he never would have imagined himself capable. From making out in the back of a movie theatre to making love under the night sky, Tetsuo seemingly has no limitations, and is slowly but surely breaking down Kimihiro's boundaries as well. They have, however, refrained from sex on either's university campus, though Tetsuo has made the suggestion more than thrice.
It's very late, and the grass is cold against Kimihiro's back. He has a spectacular view of the dark sky, the bright moon, and the shimmering stars -- but he isn't looking at them. He's not really looking at anything, he's just seeing as he moves with Tetsuo -- quick, desperate thrusts without any particular rhythm.
Later, Kimihiro wants to get dressed, but is unwilling to break the circle of Tetsuo's arms. He is thankful when Tetsuo moves off him, and they rearrange themselves so that Kimihiro can rest his head on the redhead's shoulder.
"We should go back soon," he utters. "I have an appointment at the school at eleven." School. He swallows, feeling suddenly nervous.
"Appointment?" Tetsuo wonders. "I don't work until tomorrow night. I could go with you, if you want."
"With you." It's going to be hard. He has always known, but now that he actually has to confront the very situation he has spent the last year bracing himself for, he doesn't think he has the courage. Especially not after -- after Tetsuo seduced him under the stars and shoved what he was going to be leaving harder into his face. Just over a year with him, he thinks, and already I can't bear the goodbye.
"Kimihiro?" Tetsuo asks, when several seconds have gone by.
Kimihiro presses his face into Tetsuo's shoulder. "I need to talk to you," he blurts out.
He feels Tetsuo tense slightly. "About what? The appointment?"
"I can go to England," Kimihiro explains in a rush. "On exchange, to study. My grades are high enough that I was accepted. I would leave early in Autumn, if I -- decide to go."
Tetsuo is quiet for a minute. Eventually, he says, "That's one hell of an opportunity. You're going, aren't you?"
Yes, he desperately wants to say, but, "But what would it mean for us?" He can scarcely believe he's asked the question, but is glad he does.
Tetsuo gives him a weird look. "You're being stupid. What does that mean?"
"I'm not," Kimihiro protests, sitting up and glaring down at his boyfriend. "I'll be gone for a year, and I won't be able to see you, and..." he trails off, not knowing how to continue. He isn't sure how to approach the subject of their relationship and its fate at the hands of his studying abroad. Would assuming they were serious enough to endure a long-distance relationship be presuming too much? Would treating the distance as though it were no big deal make it seem as though he didn't enjoy every moment he spent with Kaga Tetsuo?
"Stupid," Tetsuo says again. He lifts one arm and draws Kimihiro back to him. "It's only for a year, not forever. And it's a great opportunity for you. You should go." The words are frank, plain, but Kimihiro hears the undercurrent of tenderness beneath them.
"Really?" Kimihiro asks uncertainly. He settles against Tetsuo's side once again. "Are you sure?"
"What, did you think I was going to dump you because you had an awesome chance to study in another country?" Tetsuo sounds vaguely amused. "Don't be dumb." He gives Kimihiro a squeeze. "I can't believe you were even worried about telling me about it. You're gonna go to England, I'm gonna keep working and studying, and then you're going to come back, and we're gonna--" he stops abruptly.
Kimihiro isn't having any of this. "What? We're going to what?" At Tetsuo's almost grumpy expression -- this is indicative of shyness, Kimihiro knows -- he presses on, "No, tell me!"
"Apartment hunting," Tetsuo surrenders. "We're gonna go apartment hunting."
"Kaga," Kimihiro says, so truly awed that he slips into old habits. "Tetsuo... ah!" He tightens his grip on his lover, suddenly feeling a little giddy. "Yes! I -- like that idea, Tetsuo, I l--" he swallows the words, because they don't -- they aren't -- it isn't something they say.
But Tetsuo just squeezes him again and says, "Yeah. Me, too."
IV. Autumn Homecomings
When Tsutsui Kimihiro retrieves his heavy baggage, he finally feels like he's back in Tokyo. Exhausted, he hauls his bags onto the baggage cart, and then carefully wheels his way out of the throng of other passengers eagerly awaiting reunions with their own bags.
He's jet-lagged, there are smudges on his glasses from when he tried to rub his eyes after rousing to a captain's announcement, and when he bumps into someone, he excuses himself in English. But soon, he reaches the waiting area for arrivals and scans the crowd.
When he spots a waving Kaga Tetsuo, he finally feels like he's home.
by ukefied
I. Winter Match
It's snowing, slowly blanketing the campus of Juuban High School in white.
Tsutsui Kimihiro pauses in the act of washing the go stones and stares at the falling flakes of white for a few minutes. Some drift past the window toward the ground, others stick to the pane and melt.
At least, he laments as he goes back to his task, it isn't snowing hard, and it's a fairly mild day. Kimihiro doesn't like being cold, and he isn't going right home after he cleans up the club area. His Greek Mythology class had been assigned their paper topics today, and he wants to get a head-start gathering sources.
He looks up when someone pokes her head into the clubroom, and recognizes the girl. "Ah, Hyuga-san, are you looking for someone?"
"Tsutsui-san!" she exclaims. "You're here today? Where's Akari-chan?"
Kimihiro gives her a grin. "Fujisaki-san has to finish up a project due tomorrow, so I offered to clean up the area for her."
Hyuga-san shakes her head, brown pigtails following the motions. "That girl, she pushes herself too hard sometimes. But," she adds with a smile, "without her, we wouldn't have a go club in this school."
"Fujisaki-san is amazing," Kimihiro agrees, and he means it wholeheartedly. Some semesters ago, she had single-handedly taken over the Haze middle school club when Kimihiro, the founder, had resigned to study for his high school entrance exams. "I don't mind doing this favor for her, anyway. I don't get to play go as often as I'd like these days."
"Oh, don't say that," Hyuga-san giggles. "Tsutsui-san! You can go to a salon anytime you like, and we'd always play you here, too. You're so smart, you can afford to skip out on studying one day or two a week to come and play more."
Kimihiro can't help the grateful smile that suddenly graces his expression. "You're right, I suppose I could make an effort to be here more often...."
Hyuga-san nods vigorously. "That's the spirit!" She waves. "I've got to run. I'm not as smart or as disciplined as you or Akari-chan; I have to go do my homework now."
"Take care, Hyuga-san," Kimihiro calls after her, raising a hand in farewell.
When the girl is gone, Kimihiro goes back to his task of washing the club's go stones and tidying up the area. Satisfied, he packs up his belongings, pulls on his oversized green coat and matching hat, and prepares to brave the winter.
Leaving Juuban's campus, Kimihiro suddenly feels older than he really is. Sometimes, he really misses the old days in their borrowed club space, marveling at Shindou Hikaru's alternating prowess and ineptitude. He misses being younger, spending the majority of his days dividing his attention between getting good grades and devouring igo strategy.
He still loves the strategic attributes of go, but he feels a little left behind. He has always known he would be seeing Touya Akira's name everywhere in the go world -- but he did not count on Shindou Hikaru's name to almost constantly accompany the former's.
He's walking with his head lowered against the wind, which is blowing the snow right in his face. He senses the other person coming toward him and moves aside, but not enough. When their arms brush, Kimihiro automatically says, "Oh, sorry," with barely a pause, and keeps walking.
He's taken not five steps when he hears a low voice say, "What?"
The voice sounds familiar. Puzzled, Kimihiro turns around, and says, "I only apolo--" he stops short, gaping. If the voice was familiar, the red hair and the face that still reads "delinquent" are definitely telling. "K-Kaga?!" he exclaims.
The redhead looks as surprised as he does, one hand holding a cigarette, half-raised to his lips. "Tsutsui? So it is you." As shocked as he had looked, his expression calms again, and he takes a drag.
Kimihiro isn't sure what he feels as the taller boy walks up to him, but it's something. This is Kaga Tetsuo: A former classmate; a sometimes-bully, sometimes-friend; someone who hates go, yet who helped them get into the middle school tournament. Kimihiro hasn't seen Kaga since high school.
He looks up (he's always had to look up) at Kaga Tetsuo. He's kind of blurry; there are spots on Kimihiro's glasses where snowflakes have settled on the frames. "I'm surprised to see you here," he says truthfully.
"You can say that again," Kaga quips. He drops his cigarette into the snow. "What are you doing in these parts of town?"
He doesn't have any reason to tell Kaga anything, but ends up telling Kaga everything. "I come to Juuban every now and then to play with their go club. Fujisaki Akari -- do you remember her? -- is the founder."
"Ah," Kaga says, giving him a measuring look, "you still play go, huh?"
Instinctively, Kimihiro feels defensive. "I still love go, yes," he replies, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. Kaga is a very good go player, yet he mocks the game and its enthusiasts.
"Ha," Kaga snorts. "Don't get so snarky." He lifts a hand, as though saying goodbye, and turns back around.
"Wait, Kaga!" Kimihiro doesn't know why he does it -- why he just doesn't let Kaga leave and the two of them can go on their own merry ways and never cross paths again, for all he knows.
But when Kaga looks over his shoulder, Kimihiro says, "You didn't tell me anything about yourself! You can't leave just yet!"
He expects Kaga to mock him, or maybe even sneer at him. What he doesn't expect is Kaga to turn full around with the invite, "Then come with me for coffee, and we'll catch up."
Kimihiro stares at him. "Coffee?"
"You know what that is, don't you?" Kaga asks dryly. "Come on, my treat. I have time today, anyway."
Before he realizes he's doing it, Kimihiro is falling into step beside his former classmate. "Nice... weather," he ventures, to make conversation.
Kaga snorts, hearing the mild sarcasm. "Winter will be over soon."
"Yes," Kimihiro agrees, and decides to write his paper on Persephone.
II. Spring Fever
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Kimihiro asks, giving the boy sitting across from him a concerned look. "I know you play every now and then to keep your skill honed, but you don't have--"
"Just shut up," Kaga says. He holds up a fist. "Nigiri."
Kimihiro nods and follows suit. "I'm white," he replies when they are finished.
It's been a long time since Kimihiro has played with someone as skilled as Kaga. Kimihiro settles down and gets into the game -- without a strategy guide, because Kaga doesn't like it when he uses them, he remembers.
Since running into one another back in the winter, Kimihiro and Kaga have been spending a fair amount of time together. What began as a conversation over coffee has become a weekly ritual: Two old friends reconnecting. Kaga is working at a movie theatre to earn money for school and his own apartment, whereas Kimihiro is a full-time student living with his parents. The years have calmed Kaga, though Kimihiro isn't sure just how much. Still, Kimihiro has found he enjoys Kaga's company, despite the fact that this Kaga isn't such a far cry from the one who used to seek shelter in the clubroom from teachers who caught him smoking on school grounds.
It's a good game, and Kimihiro loses by five moku. As they clear the stones, Kaga asks, "Why do you play go?"
"I told you," Kimihiro replies, "I love it. I love strategy." After a pause, he asks, "Why do you play it, if you hate it so much?"
Kaga stares at him for a moment, contemplating. "In general?" he ventures. "Or just now?"
The answer makes Kimihiro forget what he was going to reply. "Now? What do you mean, just now?"
"Well," Kaga explains as he lights up (much to Kimihiro's distaste) "usually I play to keep my skill up. Just because I hate the game doesn't mean I want to forget what I've learned. But just now," he takes a long drag, "just now I was playing because you said you wanted to."
He says it so casually, Kimihiro thinks he's joking, or that Kaga is mocking him. When he stares at Kaga's face, though, he finds no trace of insincerity. "Are you -- serious?" There's something, something....
Kaga pushes his chair out and stands up, resting his cigarette on the ashtray as he does so. "Of course I am, idiot."
"Don't call me an idiot!" Kimihiro snaps, but as soon as he completes the outburst, Kaga is at his chair, diving in -- and before Kimihiro realizes what is happening, there are lips on his lips, a hand gripping his chin -- he is being kissed.
Kaga Tetsuo is kissing him.
"K-Kaga," he manages around the other's mouth, but that's all he's able to say before Kaga's tongue is rubbing against his.
This is not Kimihiro's first kiss, but it may as well be. Kaga is nothing like the shy Emiko was; Kaga is strong, almost brutal, and very male. He kneels and pulls Kimihiro from the chair, presses him as close to Kaga's body as humanly possible and kisses him harder from this new, better angle.
Kimihiro discovers he likes this. He doesn't even mind that Kaga has bumped his glasses, and now the frames are stuck at an awkward angle between their faces. His hands, which have been gripping Kaga's sleeves, relax and secure a softer hold on the redhead's forearms. He wonders, What are we doing? and just as quickly, I'm kissing Kaga!
The kiss finally ends when one of Kaga's hands grazes Kimihiro's bottom, and he jumps and makes some kind of muffled squawk.
"Kaga!" he gasps, breaking away. He inhales sharply; fresh air. "Wh-what--?"
The redhead stares at him for a few moments, though his gaze is hardly steady. Kaga's eyes stray from Kimihiro's face to his shoulder, from his shoulder to the ground, from the ground to the forgotten go board. "Not sorry," he says eventually, in a gruff tone. "But... didn't mean to catch you off guard like that."
Kimihiro gapes at the other young man, incredulous. "You mean, you didn't mean to throw yourself at me?" When Kaga does nothing more than shrug, Kimihiro continues, "Kaga, what -- what -- why did you do that?"
Kaga shrugs again.
"Kaga," Kimhiro does his best to be stern, even though he's always felt at a disadvantage around the taller redhead, ever since junior high. "Kaga, that's not -- you don't just -- you can't just go around kissing people just because."
"You want it to mean something?" Kaga asks flippantly, as though he doesn't care about the answer.
At this, Kimihiro's mouth shuts, his teeth clicking together audibly. He knows he's blushing, swears he can feel it. Kaga, he thinks, desperately, because he wasn't thinking about that (not anything like that at all) except that now he is wondering if maybe, maybe....
His internal conflict is evidently visible, because he suddenly notices Kaga looking at him. Kimihiro wants to shrink, wishes the ground would open up and swallow him, imagines what it would be like to hit Kaga -- maybe in the face, for--
"You didn't hate it," Kaga points out. He doesn't even do so smugly, but Kimihiro can't help but feel as though he is being teased in one of the cruelest ways.
"Why did you do it?" he demands, putting some distance between them. "That isn't funny, Kaga!"
"I never said it was supposed to be funny," Kaga snaps. "Did it feel like I was joking, Tsutsui?"
Kimihiro falters; he's afraid to ask. "But, Kaga, you--"
The redhead waves an impatient hand. "Tsutsui, I wouldn't do something like that if I didn't mean it." He gives Kimihiro a look. "But don't think I'm going to get mushy or anything. I don't do that."
Kaga likes me, Kimihiro realizes, concentrating his gaze on the far corner of the wall. He doesn't know why; there is nothing extraordinary about him. "Kaga," he starts, but fails to continue. He looks back up at the man he has known, if distantly at times, for years. It's almost like he's seeing Kaga Tetsuo for the first time, and this older, more mature Kaga appears... uneasy. Of my response?
It's true, Kaga was -- is, to a certain extent -- something of a bully, immature, a delinquent who smoked on school grounds and ran from authority. Still, Kimihiro remembers Kaga helping him, helping Shindou, and even being nice, though the pleasantness was concealed beneath a rough exterior.
"Is that a no, then?" Kaga wonders, and Kimihiro realizes he's been silent for several long moments. The redhead sounds resigned, as though a refusal was what he expected all along.
"Not no," Kimihiro replies, maybe too quickly. "Just... why?"
To his surprise, Kaga spreads his hands in a helpless gesture. "Attraction is so stupid. Doesn't really offer too many explanations for itself. Just attracts, you know?"
Kimihiro swallows, sees a chance, and wonders if he should take it. He isn't sure this is such a good idea, because they are still in school and could be anywhere in a year's time. However, he doesn't back away when Kaga closes the distance between them.
"Kaga," he says, softly. The redhead is so close now, and Kimihiro can see how nicely Kaga has filled out over the years, can see Kaga's tongue sneak out to wet the lips Kimihiro had tasted only minutes ago, can see Kaga's strong arms reach out to take hold of him. He doesn't flinch away.
"You don't have to," Kaga says, even though he holds Kimihiro so possessively one would think that yes, he did have to.
Kimihiro's eyes close when Kaga kisses him a second time. Attraction is so stupid.
Kaga's hands caress his rear again, but this time, he doesn't pull away.
III. Summer Stars
Tetsuo makes Kimihiro do things of which he never would have imagined himself capable. From making out in the back of a movie theatre to making love under the night sky, Tetsuo seemingly has no limitations, and is slowly but surely breaking down Kimihiro's boundaries as well. They have, however, refrained from sex on either's university campus, though Tetsuo has made the suggestion more than thrice.
It's very late, and the grass is cold against Kimihiro's back. He has a spectacular view of the dark sky, the bright moon, and the shimmering stars -- but he isn't looking at them. He's not really looking at anything, he's just seeing as he moves with Tetsuo -- quick, desperate thrusts without any particular rhythm.
Later, Kimihiro wants to get dressed, but is unwilling to break the circle of Tetsuo's arms. He is thankful when Tetsuo moves off him, and they rearrange themselves so that Kimihiro can rest his head on the redhead's shoulder.
"We should go back soon," he utters. "I have an appointment at the school at eleven." School. He swallows, feeling suddenly nervous.
"Appointment?" Tetsuo wonders. "I don't work until tomorrow night. I could go with you, if you want."
"With you." It's going to be hard. He has always known, but now that he actually has to confront the very situation he has spent the last year bracing himself for, he doesn't think he has the courage. Especially not after -- after Tetsuo seduced him under the stars and shoved what he was going to be leaving harder into his face. Just over a year with him, he thinks, and already I can't bear the goodbye.
"Kimihiro?" Tetsuo asks, when several seconds have gone by.
Kimihiro presses his face into Tetsuo's shoulder. "I need to talk to you," he blurts out.
He feels Tetsuo tense slightly. "About what? The appointment?"
"I can go to England," Kimihiro explains in a rush. "On exchange, to study. My grades are high enough that I was accepted. I would leave early in Autumn, if I -- decide to go."
Tetsuo is quiet for a minute. Eventually, he says, "That's one hell of an opportunity. You're going, aren't you?"
Yes, he desperately wants to say, but, "But what would it mean for us?" He can scarcely believe he's asked the question, but is glad he does.
Tetsuo gives him a weird look. "You're being stupid. What does that mean?"
"I'm not," Kimihiro protests, sitting up and glaring down at his boyfriend. "I'll be gone for a year, and I won't be able to see you, and..." he trails off, not knowing how to continue. He isn't sure how to approach the subject of their relationship and its fate at the hands of his studying abroad. Would assuming they were serious enough to endure a long-distance relationship be presuming too much? Would treating the distance as though it were no big deal make it seem as though he didn't enjoy every moment he spent with Kaga Tetsuo?
"Stupid," Tetsuo says again. He lifts one arm and draws Kimihiro back to him. "It's only for a year, not forever. And it's a great opportunity for you. You should go." The words are frank, plain, but Kimihiro hears the undercurrent of tenderness beneath them.
"Really?" Kimihiro asks uncertainly. He settles against Tetsuo's side once again. "Are you sure?"
"What, did you think I was going to dump you because you had an awesome chance to study in another country?" Tetsuo sounds vaguely amused. "Don't be dumb." He gives Kimihiro a squeeze. "I can't believe you were even worried about telling me about it. You're gonna go to England, I'm gonna keep working and studying, and then you're going to come back, and we're gonna--" he stops abruptly.
Kimihiro isn't having any of this. "What? We're going to what?" At Tetsuo's almost grumpy expression -- this is indicative of shyness, Kimihiro knows -- he presses on, "No, tell me!"
"Apartment hunting," Tetsuo surrenders. "We're gonna go apartment hunting."
"Kaga," Kimihiro says, so truly awed that he slips into old habits. "Tetsuo... ah!" He tightens his grip on his lover, suddenly feeling a little giddy. "Yes! I -- like that idea, Tetsuo, I l--" he swallows the words, because they don't -- they aren't -- it isn't something they say.
But Tetsuo just squeezes him again and says, "Yeah. Me, too."
IV. Autumn Homecomings
When Tsutsui Kimihiro retrieves his heavy baggage, he finally feels like he's back in Tokyo. Exhausted, he hauls his bags onto the baggage cart, and then carefully wheels his way out of the throng of other passengers eagerly awaiting reunions with their own bags.
He's jet-lagged, there are smudges on his glasses from when he tried to rub his eyes after rousing to a captain's announcement, and when he bumps into someone, he excuses himself in English. But soon, he reaches the waiting area for arrivals and scans the crowd.
When he spots a waving Kaga Tetsuo, he finally feels like he's home.