[ryan]
BLIND WOE
by flonnebonne
XD XD XD XD XD XD XD
The day before doomsday
So Hikaru had had his epiphany, and he'd written something important. He was supposed to be bursting with enlightenment now, his story arc should've taken a turn for the serious, maybe a fight with the last boss was in order--but when he woke up in the morning he felt oddly, totally...normal.
He turned on his computer and signed onto the NetGo server he usually frequented, wondering if anyone else would be online to epiphanize him.
You have an instant message from ochi12
[Are you available for a game? Go to the usual chatroom or message me. I'll leave my account logged in.]
Not exactly someone he was hoping for, but desperate times called for desperate chats with random people. He opened up his usual online hangout spot, the "Waya's Study Group" chatroom. Only Ochi was there at the moment, but Hikaru knew that that was bound to change once he entered the chatroom. People tended to not want to chat with Ochi alone.
fivealive has entered the room
hi ochi
can't really play rihgt now but i'll chat
you have to finish your contest entry, I take it
well yeah
why_huh has entered the room
hey
hey
what happened to zelda?
retired
got tired of stupid questions about why i had a girl's name
i mean i knew it was a girls name i just thought it was cool
u know?
I have no idea what you two are talking about.
dont worry bout it
trust me, I'm not
so are either of you finished your essay? I've finished mine.
well not quite
not finished
theneedforspeedtoo has entered the room
HI GUYS!
ANYONE WANTO PLAY SPEED GO?????
NO
you suck
you lost to fuku again?
NO
well yes but that's imaterial
THATS NOT WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT
why are you always so inapprorpiately cheerful at this godawful hour in the morning
why huh?
isumi11 has entered the room
hi
hi isumisan
yo
hello, Isumi-san.
ISUMISAN WHAT'S A LYNCH MOB?
what
...why are you asking me that?
BECAUSE WAYA WAS TALKINGABOUT USING ONE ON OCHI YESTERDAY
i don't think that's the proper usage of the word
you don't really "use" a lynch mob
that's not how i said it
Why were you talking about setting a lynch mob on me? (this is proper usage)
waya did ochi beat you in a game or something
no, why do you always assume i want to kill someone cuz i've lost to them????
because of that time you punched mashiba
i didn't lose to him he insulted isumisan so i had to
THAT'S SO SWEET!!!!!!!1
...anyway, lynch mobs
why do you want to set a lynch mob on Ochi?
Because I finished my essay and handed it in two days ago,
well it's stupid not to use the whole amount of time they gave us
and I doubt Waya has even started his.
and your younger than us you probbly have less literary experience.
um, actually, since he's still in school
he's probably more comfortable with writing
ME TOO I DO AN ESSAY EVERY WEEK
go do your homework then the adults are talking here
THAT'S NOT FAIR
JUST BECAUSE I HAVEN'T PASSED THE PRO EXAM
DOESN'T MEAN I'M WEAKER THAN YOU
IM YOUR RIVAL
AND I PASSED THE LEVEL 2 KANJI KNOWLEDGE TEST SO THERE
yeah you still wipe the floor with waya
agreed
hey that give me an idea
wiping the floor?
you do need to clean your apt
DID YOU SPILL SOMETHING?
i've got an idea!!!
I think this is the first time this has ever happened to him.
i'm so excited i7m going to ignore that
i know waht to write!!!!!!
thanks fuku sorry for being an ass
u haven't started yet???
been stressed out
bye guys
why_huh has left the room
Well, that was rather abrupt.
wonder what idea he got
it must have been a good one
MAYBE HE'S GOING TO WRITE ABUOT ME
HOW HE FINALLY BEAT ME IN THE PRO EXAM
he certainly did get lucky that day
no he said he wasn't going to write about the proexm
pro exam
it would be fine if he did though
BUT IT WAS EPIC
I HOPE HE WRITES ABOUT MEE!!!
fuku, could you turn off capslock? it's kind of annoying
WHATS CAPLOCK?
why_huh has entered the room
hi
Why are you back?
okay guys what do you think about this
I'm going to write about the pro exam, but not about passing. Passing was incidental. I'm going to frame the pro exam as my epic journey to finally beat Fuku, my eternal rival! Who kept beating me, but who I finally managed to defeat when it counted, but who still beats me now because the game never endsz ! The judges love stuff like that about learning from your mistakes and eating humble pie and shit and all sorts of igo/ego philosophy.
so what do you think?
why is no one saying anything
how derivative. But I guess I should have expected as much fromyou.
what the hell is that supposed to mean???
you'd never have the balls to say that to my face
Trust me, if I thought you were being an idiot, I would say so.
stop it, both of you
not my fault ochi's an asshole
Waya needs to stop overcompensating for his educational deficiencies
and a stuck-up snothead
and just admit he isn't going to win a writing contest
and you think YOU can win??
youll be crying to mama when the results come out
Oh ho, really.
speaking of which, are you going to have your mother help you write it? But she probably wouldn't be able to do very well either
you have to get it from somewhere
you shut up about my mother
HAY GUYS I FOUND THIS AWESOME VIDEO ON YOUTUBE
everyone calm downn
hikaru, have you done your essay?
why are you pciking on me now
no i havent
i wrote a lot of things down but they're not things I want to submit
BUT YOU'VE GOT IDEAS
THAT'S A GOOD START
I USUALLY START BY WRITING DOWN ANYTHING THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD REALLY REALLY FAST SO I DONT MISS ANYHTING
i kind of did that last night for all the good it did me
but at least you've started writing things down?
yeah
there's no way i'm going to lose to touya on this
Here we go again.
and there's no way i7m going to lose out on a trip to korea
There's no way either of you is going to finish in time.
It's due tomorrow.
I can't believe how foolish you are.
say that again punk
I can't believe how foolish you are.
THAT WAS REPETATIVE
you are dead
the next time I see you
youre going to wish
you were never born
isumi11 has left the room
i guess its the lynch mob after all huh
I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IS
I'm so very scared of you.
what did you say? couldn't hear you your too low to the ground
i guess i should get writing guys bye
fivealive has left the room
Hikaru gave a tired sigh as he logged off. People really did get weird online. Waya and Ochi, in particular. Not that they weren't weird offline too.
He was still epiphany-less, and it looked like the internet wasn't going to be any help. Stupid internets. Well, maybe he should just relax for a while and not think about anything. He was good at that. And Ichikawa-san had told him it was a good idea.
He put his head down on the desk and closed his eyes, trying not to think about the internets and deadlines. Soon enough he was asleep.
He dreamed of cake.
O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o
"And that's when we lynched Ochi down the toilet," Hikaru explained to his mother, who absentmindedly set down a log-shaped slice of cake in front of him to go with his afternoon Earl Grey. "We had to find the toilet with the highest water level and the lowest sanitation level to be truly effective--mother dearest," he interrupted himself plaintively, "Earl Grey is simply delicious but I would really prefer green tea."
"It doesn't go with the cake. Hm, where did I put the small forks?"
"And it had to be a Western style toilet, the Japanese ones just wouldn't work. He squirmed a lot at first but then he got used to it. Ochi likes toilets."
"That's nice, dear. Oh, here they are." She gave him three very small, dainty forks. He had no idea which one to use first.
"Did you even hear what I said?" Hikaru shouted, rather too loudly for the situation he thought.
"Highest water level, lowest sanitation level. I always listen to you, Hikaru, I just don't know how to respond when you talk about go-related things."
"I'm not talking about go-related things, I'm talking about toilet lynchings."
"Hm, same thing. How come I haven't seen that Touya boy lately, by the way? I never mind having him over, I hope he knows that. His lavender suit makes me happy."
Hikaru waved his forks at his mother in irritation. She sounded too much like Akari. Strange that. "I don't want Touya here. He's my rival, not my friend."
She sipped her tea and gave him an appraising look. "Oh, it's that time of the month again."
His mother's characterization was just plain off today. "Have you been channelling Akari again?"
"No, your time of the month is just common knowledge. Don't open your mouth while you talk. You'll dribble icing all over yourself."
Hikaru looked down. He was indeed dribbling icing all over himself. But he didn't move to clean the dribble up. "Touya and I do not have a that time of the month. Can we talk about something else?" Even here Hikaru didn't feel like talking about Touya.
"How about that tall boy who came over here just the once? He was very...polite," she said with a smile that implied something quite other than 'polite.'
"You mean Isumi-san?" asked Hikaru with a growing sense of nightmare.
"He was so dreamy," she dreamily dreamed, "like that boy from the movie with the death notebook, but less sociopathic."
"Agh, you have no idea how much pain you are causing me."
"But that Isumi boy...oh..."
"I don't want to hear this anymore. There are more terrible things on heaven and earth that may be dreamed of, but I don't think there actually are. Why am I never this eloquent in real life? Hey, I said eloquent."
"If you want me to stop talking about your traumas, maybe you should pray to the God of Go."
"The...God of Go?" Hikaru repeated stupidly.
"Yes, the God of Go."
"I hear an echo."
"Don't you know, the God of Go is full of woe. You should commune with him, commune with the cosmic forces."
Hikaru stared at her for a goodly length of time before saying, "Is that your final answer?"
"No," she said in a strangely instense voice, her eyes glowing slightly. "This is."
Hikaru Hikaru burning bright
Burning Brightly in the light
Where Is Sai? you do not know
Hey Hikaru let's play some go
He had turned away from her as she spoke, unable to continue looking into her fiery eyes, but at the last line his head suddenly snapped upward--because the voice reciting the Final Answer had suddenly changed, it had become--
!$!@#@$^@^$@$%@#%
A knocking, a knocking on his chamber door, only this and nothing more. Also his mother's annoying, concerned voice coming from outside his room.
"Hikaru, I didn't wake you up for lunch because you seemed so tired, but you've been asleep all day. It's already four o'clock! You need to eat something!"
Hikaru cracked an eye open. The black notebook was sitting on the desk in front of him, beckoning to him from behind the puddle of drool that had somehow appeared there. He managed to lift his head up, get a mechanical pencil into his hand and open the notebook. Then he realized he had no idea what he was supposed to be writing.
"Hikaru! Are you there? I have cake for you!"
He made a face and yelled back weakly, "No thanks, mom! I'm busy here!"
What were the lines in the dream? They had been profoundly stupid, or stupidly profound, he couldn't remember which, but he had to get the words down on paper. Sai had tried to tell him something through that dream, that must be what it had been, Sai had always helped him with his homework--
"Are you sure? It's chocolate!"
"I'm sure!"
Except he wasn't sure at all. What had the words been? All he could remember was the cake now, it was all his noisy mother's fault. In both the dream and in real life.
"Okay, but I'll leave the cake out for you on the table! I'll put a bowl over it so it doesn't get dry."
"Yeah, thanks mom."
After the mother/cake-related distractions went away, he rolled up his sleeves and thought long and hard. This is what he eventually wrote.
Hikaru Hikaru burning bright
Set'm on fire yeah that's right
If he hollers let him go
Eenie meany let's play go
"What the hell!" Hikaru screeched. "There's no way I'm submitting this!"
ASFASEASEFASEGA
Doomsday.
Amano stared at Hikaru over the tops of his spectacles. "Shindou-kun, are you sure you want to submit this?"
"Um, I guess so."
"What on earth is this?"
"It's unedited. And it has lots of typoes."
"This is handwritten."
"Hand typoes."
"We specifically requested typed entries."
"I'm not so good with computers and I don't have a printer."
Amano gave him a tired look. "Do you know what I've been having to go through because of this contest? I looked at the early submissions and...there was this piece about zombies. Zombies. Is it so hard to tell us about an experience that changed your go without bringing zombies into it? And there were other stories about magic powers and going to other worlds. If this sort of thing were put on my desk under normal circumstances it wouldn't even go to the slush pile, it'd go straight to the trash bin (Hikaru wasn't sure what a slush pile was, but he wasn't about to ask). A lot of pros don't even have high school degrees, and you can forget about university, so what do you think the writing quality is like? I don't get paid enough for this."
When Amano finally ran out of breath, Hikaru said the first thing that came to his mind. "Uh...that's pretty rough."
"I'm sorry," said Amano immediately, running a hand across his forehead. "It's been stressful, to say the least."
Hikaru was saved any further potential embarrassment when a voice called out, "Shindou-san! Exactly the person I wanted to see. Can I interview you?"
It was the young Weekly Go reporter who had done all those messed-up interviews during the North Star Cup. Hikaru racked his brains but couldn't remember the guy's name.
The Reporter-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named looked at Amano and said, "Sorry, can I borrow Shindou-kun from you?"
"Of course. I know what piece you're working on. Make sure you write down all the details this time."
"I will!" replied the little reporter as Amano took his leave. "So, Shindou-kun, we're doing a feature on the up-and-comers of the go world. Can I ask you a few questions?"
"Another feature on that? Do you do those once a week or something?"
"Well, we are 'Weekly' Go."
"...Whatever, just ask away."
"It'll only take a few minutes. First, I wanted to know what you think about Touya Akira's go--"
"He's strong, duh."
"--and second, whether your rivalry with him is something you wrote about for the Weekly Go essay contest."
Hikaru gave him an evil glare.
"I'm assuming that's what you were talking to Amano-san about, the writing contest--"
"Back to the first question," Hikaru interrupted. "Here's what I think about Touya's go. It's blinding, absolutely blinding."
"Ooh, good comment, let me write that down."
"Blinding in the way that Touya's purple suits are blinding when he wears them with his green shirt. I mean blinding as in, 'Agh, I will never see again because this sad excuse for a go strategy has blinded me in the eyes.' You get what I mean?"
The reporter looked up from his notebook, where he was furiously transcribing Hikaru's response. "Are you saying Touya's go isn't color-coordinated?"
"I'm saying it makes me want to claw my eyes out."
"'...claw my eyes out.' Okay, gotcha. So it's bad go?"
Hikaru looked away. "I didn't say that. It's just stupid go. Blind, stupid, Touya-go."
"There's quite a big difference between "blinding" and "blind," Shindou-san, you'll have to make up your mind about what kind of analogy you're making there."
"I'm just a former insei who never went to high school. It's not like I can make smart comments or write a decent essay. All I can do is play go. I hope that's enough for Touya. I'm his rival, right?"
He looked away, feeling a weird grimace coming onto his face. Since when did he care about this writing contest so much, or about being able to match up to Touya in anything other than go? It was just the trip to Korea that he wanted, right?
The reporter squirreled his way back into Hikaru's line of sight. "Are you okay, Shindou-kun?"
"I'm fine. But not really in the mood for an interview. Sorry."
"That's all right. I'll go interview someone else, I think. I'll see you later!"
"See you."
The reporter, whose name Hikaru really wished he could remember, made his way to the elevator, which was just opening to let someone out.
It was Waya, who looked like one of the zombies that Amano had been complaining about. He had dark bags under his eyes and a manic, toothy grin spread across his face. He lurched past the reporter and fell upon Hikaru in a manner that was not creepy at all. Nope.
"Shindooouuuu!"
"Aaaah, Waya."
"I finished!" Waya waved a single sheet of paper in Hikaru's face. "I finally finished!"
"I hope you're not too late--I barely made it on time. Well, go give it to Amano-san directly. He's in the Weekly Go office."
"Yeah!" Waya exclaimed, as if Hikaru had just revealed the secrets of the universe. "I'll do that!" And he lurched off a few steps before coming back. "But let me read it to you first. It's genius!"
"Uh, that's okay. You already told me what it's about in the chat. Your rivalry with Fuku, right?"
"Nah, I scrapped that. Too derivative. What I wrote is way better!"
Hikaru winced inwardly as Waya started reading in a raspy, just-a-little-bit-batshit-insane voice.
There's nothing so scary as
the page that is blank,
the feeling in your gut that
your story's gonna tank.
"Why didn't I start earlier?!"
you cry to the moon,
you hope God will bring you
some totally wicked awesome idea soon.
So, your pen's in your hand,
your keyboard is calling,
your coffee is cold,
your cat's caterwauling.
But it's four in the morning
and you're still in mourning,
for the time that flew by
despite two months' warning.
Oh, you've tried and you've failed
you've bemoaned your cruel fate,
you've begged to the admins
"Can my submission be late?"
But who are you kidding?
you're just a dumb hack,
you're writing won't give anyone
a blissful heart attack.
So! here's to half-assedness,
to dribbles and drabbles,
to unedited epics full of
strange psychobabble.
To distractions, procrastination!
To plot bunnies ever-spawning!
To friends and to chatting!
To the day that is dawning!
...Say what? What light from yonder window breaks?
It is the east! Oh crap, it is the sun!
Guess you'll have to hand in
Whatever it is you've done.
Yeah, there's nothing so scary as
the page that is blank,
the feeling in your gut that
your story's gonna tank.
But at least you've got something
that fits the word limit,
and this thing might be scary
but at least we're all together in it.
Waya peered at Hikaru with his baggy, bloodshot zombie eyes. "So? Whadja think?"
"...Interesting interpretation of the theme. Um, what does this have to do with 'an experience that changed your go?'"
"Nothing! That's why it's genius! I'ma gonna hand it in now."
Lurch, lurch, lurch went Waya toward the Weekly Go office.
Hikaru was quite relieved when he made it to his getaway vehicle (the elevator). He hoped Waya wouldn't be upset with him for abandoning him in his hour of zombieness--hopefully he just wouldn't remember seeing Hikaru at all. He had to admit, though, that Waya's poem was kind of catchy, if irrelevant. Waya was pretty sharp when he wasn't being stupid.
Well, the contest was done. Now all he could do was wait for the big reveal. Whose story would win?
To be concluded.
previous part
by flonnebonne
XD XD XD XD XD XD XD
The day before doomsday
So Hikaru had had his epiphany, and he'd written something important. He was supposed to be bursting with enlightenment now, his story arc should've taken a turn for the serious, maybe a fight with the last boss was in order--but when he woke up in the morning he felt oddly, totally...normal.
He turned on his computer and signed onto the NetGo server he usually frequented, wondering if anyone else would be online to epiphanize him.
You have an instant message from ochi12
[Are you available for a game? Go to the usual chatroom or message me. I'll leave my account logged in.]
Not exactly someone he was hoping for, but desperate times called for desperate chats with random people. He opened up his usual online hangout spot, the "Waya's Study Group" chatroom. Only Ochi was there at the moment, but Hikaru knew that that was bound to change once he entered the chatroom. People tended to not want to chat with Ochi alone.
fivealive has entered the room
hi ochi
can't really play rihgt now but i'll chat
you have to finish your contest entry, I take it
well yeah
why_huh has entered the room
hey
hey
what happened to zelda?
retired
got tired of stupid questions about why i had a girl's name
i mean i knew it was a girls name i just thought it was cool
u know?
I have no idea what you two are talking about.
dont worry bout it
trust me, I'm not
so are either of you finished your essay? I've finished mine.
well not quite
not finished
theneedforspeedtoo has entered the room
HI GUYS!
ANYONE WANTO PLAY SPEED GO?????
NO
you suck
you lost to fuku again?
NO
well yes but that's imaterial
THATS NOT WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT
why are you always so inapprorpiately cheerful at this godawful hour in the morning
why huh?
isumi11 has entered the room
hi
hi isumisan
yo
hello, Isumi-san.
ISUMISAN WHAT'S A LYNCH MOB?
what
...why are you asking me that?
BECAUSE WAYA WAS TALKINGABOUT USING ONE ON OCHI YESTERDAY
i don't think that's the proper usage of the word
you don't really "use" a lynch mob
that's not how i said it
Why were you talking about setting a lynch mob on me? (this is proper usage)
waya did ochi beat you in a game or something
no, why do you always assume i want to kill someone cuz i've lost to them????
because of that time you punched mashiba
i didn't lose to him he insulted isumisan so i had to
THAT'S SO SWEET!!!!!!!1
...anyway, lynch mobs
why do you want to set a lynch mob on Ochi?
Because I finished my essay and handed it in two days ago,
well it's stupid not to use the whole amount of time they gave us
and I doubt Waya has even started his.
and your younger than us you probbly have less literary experience.
um, actually, since he's still in school
he's probably more comfortable with writing
ME TOO I DO AN ESSAY EVERY WEEK
go do your homework then the adults are talking here
THAT'S NOT FAIR
JUST BECAUSE I HAVEN'T PASSED THE PRO EXAM
DOESN'T MEAN I'M WEAKER THAN YOU
IM YOUR RIVAL
AND I PASSED THE LEVEL 2 KANJI KNOWLEDGE TEST SO THERE
yeah you still wipe the floor with waya
hey that give me an idea
wiping the floor?
you do need to clean your apt
DID YOU SPILL SOMETHING?
i've got an idea!!!
I think this is the first time this has ever happened to him.
i'm so excited i7m going to ignore that
i know waht to write!!!!!!
thanks fuku sorry for being an ass
u haven't started yet???
been stressed out
bye guys
why_huh has left the room
Well, that was rather abrupt.
wonder what idea he got
it must have been a good one
MAYBE HE'S GOING TO WRITE ABUOT ME
HOW HE FINALLY BEAT ME IN THE PRO EXAM
he certainly did get lucky that day
no he said he wasn't going to write about the proexm
pro exam
it would be fine if he did though
BUT IT WAS EPIC
I HOPE HE WRITES ABOUT MEE!!!
fuku, could you turn off capslock? it's kind of annoying
WHATS CAPLOCK?
why_huh has entered the room
hi
Why are you back?
okay guys what do you think about this
I'm going to write about the pro exam, but not about passing. Passing was incidental. I'm going to frame the pro exam as my epic journey to finally beat Fuku, my eternal rival! Who kept beating me, but who I finally managed to defeat when it counted, but who still beats me now because the game never endsz ! The judges love stuff like that about learning from your mistakes and eating humble pie and shit and all sorts of igo/ego philosophy.
so what do you think?
why is no one saying anything
how derivative. But I guess I should have expected as much fromyou.
what the hell is that supposed to mean???
you'd never have the balls to say that to my face
Trust me, if I thought you were being an idiot, I would say so.
stop it, both of you
not my fault ochi's an asshole
Waya needs to stop overcompensating for his educational deficiencies
and a stuck-up snothead
and just admit he isn't going to win a writing contest
and you think YOU can win??
youll be crying to mama when the results come out
Oh ho, really.
speaking of which, are you going to have your mother help you write it? But she probably wouldn't be able to do very well either
you have to get it from somewhere
you shut up about my mother
HAY GUYS I FOUND THIS AWESOME VIDEO ON YOUTUBE
everyone calm downn
hikaru, have you done your essay?
why are you pciking on me now
no i havent
i wrote a lot of things down but they're not things I want to submit
BUT YOU'VE GOT IDEAS
THAT'S A GOOD START
I USUALLY START BY WRITING DOWN ANYTHING THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD REALLY REALLY FAST SO I DONT MISS ANYHTING
i kind of did that last night for all the good it did me
but at least you've started writing things down?
yeah
there's no way i'm going to lose to touya on this
Here we go again.
and there's no way i7m going to lose out on a trip to korea
There's no way either of you is going to finish in time.
It's due tomorrow.
I can't believe how foolish you are.
say that again punk
I can't believe how foolish you are.
THAT WAS REPETATIVE
you are dead
the next time I see you
youre going to wish
you were never born
isumi11 has left the room
i guess its the lynch mob after all huh
I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IS
I'm so very scared of you.
what did you say? couldn't hear you your too low to the ground
i guess i should get writing guys bye
fivealive has left the room
Hikaru gave a tired sigh as he logged off. People really did get weird online. Waya and Ochi, in particular. Not that they weren't weird offline too.
He was still epiphany-less, and it looked like the internet wasn't going to be any help. Stupid internets. Well, maybe he should just relax for a while and not think about anything. He was good at that. And Ichikawa-san had told him it was a good idea.
He put his head down on the desk and closed his eyes, trying not to think about the internets and deadlines. Soon enough he was asleep.
He dreamed of cake.
O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o
"And that's when we lynched Ochi down the toilet," Hikaru explained to his mother, who absentmindedly set down a log-shaped slice of cake in front of him to go with his afternoon Earl Grey. "We had to find the toilet with the highest water level and the lowest sanitation level to be truly effective--mother dearest," he interrupted himself plaintively, "Earl Grey is simply delicious but I would really prefer green tea."
"It doesn't go with the cake. Hm, where did I put the small forks?"
"And it had to be a Western style toilet, the Japanese ones just wouldn't work. He squirmed a lot at first but then he got used to it. Ochi likes toilets."
"That's nice, dear. Oh, here they are." She gave him three very small, dainty forks. He had no idea which one to use first.
"Did you even hear what I said?" Hikaru shouted, rather too loudly for the situation he thought.
"Highest water level, lowest sanitation level. I always listen to you, Hikaru, I just don't know how to respond when you talk about go-related things."
"I'm not talking about go-related things, I'm talking about toilet lynchings."
"Hm, same thing. How come I haven't seen that Touya boy lately, by the way? I never mind having him over, I hope he knows that. His lavender suit makes me happy."
Hikaru waved his forks at his mother in irritation. She sounded too much like Akari. Strange that. "I don't want Touya here. He's my rival, not my friend."
She sipped her tea and gave him an appraising look. "Oh, it's that time of the month again."
His mother's characterization was just plain off today. "Have you been channelling Akari again?"
"No, your time of the month is just common knowledge. Don't open your mouth while you talk. You'll dribble icing all over yourself."
Hikaru looked down. He was indeed dribbling icing all over himself. But he didn't move to clean the dribble up. "Touya and I do not have a that time of the month. Can we talk about something else?" Even here Hikaru didn't feel like talking about Touya.
"How about that tall boy who came over here just the once? He was very...polite," she said with a smile that implied something quite other than 'polite.'
"You mean Isumi-san?" asked Hikaru with a growing sense of nightmare.
"He was so dreamy," she dreamily dreamed, "like that boy from the movie with the death notebook, but less sociopathic."
"Agh, you have no idea how much pain you are causing me."
"But that Isumi boy...oh..."
"I don't want to hear this anymore. There are more terrible things on heaven and earth that may be dreamed of, but I don't think there actually are. Why am I never this eloquent in real life? Hey, I said eloquent."
"If you want me to stop talking about your traumas, maybe you should pray to the God of Go."
"The...God of Go?" Hikaru repeated stupidly.
"Yes, the God of Go."
"I hear an echo."
"Don't you know, the God of Go is full of woe. You should commune with him, commune with the cosmic forces."
Hikaru stared at her for a goodly length of time before saying, "Is that your final answer?"
"No," she said in a strangely instense voice, her eyes glowing slightly. "This is."
Hikaru Hikaru burning bright
Burning Brightly in the light
Where Is Sai? you do not know
Hey Hikaru let's play some go
He had turned away from her as she spoke, unable to continue looking into her fiery eyes, but at the last line his head suddenly snapped upward--because the voice reciting the Final Answer had suddenly changed, it had become--
!$!@#@$^@^$@$%@#%
A knocking, a knocking on his chamber door, only this and nothing more. Also his mother's annoying, concerned voice coming from outside his room.
"Hikaru, I didn't wake you up for lunch because you seemed so tired, but you've been asleep all day. It's already four o'clock! You need to eat something!"
Hikaru cracked an eye open. The black notebook was sitting on the desk in front of him, beckoning to him from behind the puddle of drool that had somehow appeared there. He managed to lift his head up, get a mechanical pencil into his hand and open the notebook. Then he realized he had no idea what he was supposed to be writing.
"Hikaru! Are you there? I have cake for you!"
He made a face and yelled back weakly, "No thanks, mom! I'm busy here!"
What were the lines in the dream? They had been profoundly stupid, or stupidly profound, he couldn't remember which, but he had to get the words down on paper. Sai had tried to tell him something through that dream, that must be what it had been, Sai had always helped him with his homework--
"Are you sure? It's chocolate!"
"I'm sure!"
Except he wasn't sure at all. What had the words been? All he could remember was the cake now, it was all his noisy mother's fault. In both the dream and in real life.
"Okay, but I'll leave the cake out for you on the table! I'll put a bowl over it so it doesn't get dry."
"Yeah, thanks mom."
After the mother/cake-related distractions went away, he rolled up his sleeves and thought long and hard. This is what he eventually wrote.
Hikaru Hikaru burning bright
Set'm on fire yeah that's right
If he hollers let him go
Eenie meany let's play go
"What the hell!" Hikaru screeched. "There's no way I'm submitting this!"
ASFASEASEFASEGA
Doomsday.
Amano stared at Hikaru over the tops of his spectacles. "Shindou-kun, are you sure you want to submit this?"
"Um, I guess so."
"What on earth is this?"
"It's unedited. And it has lots of typoes."
"This is handwritten."
"Hand typoes."
"We specifically requested typed entries."
"I'm not so good with computers and I don't have a printer."
Amano gave him a tired look. "Do you know what I've been having to go through because of this contest? I looked at the early submissions and...there was this piece about zombies. Zombies. Is it so hard to tell us about an experience that changed your go without bringing zombies into it? And there were other stories about magic powers and going to other worlds. If this sort of thing were put on my desk under normal circumstances it wouldn't even go to the slush pile, it'd go straight to the trash bin (Hikaru wasn't sure what a slush pile was, but he wasn't about to ask). A lot of pros don't even have high school degrees, and you can forget about university, so what do you think the writing quality is like? I don't get paid enough for this."
When Amano finally ran out of breath, Hikaru said the first thing that came to his mind. "Uh...that's pretty rough."
"I'm sorry," said Amano immediately, running a hand across his forehead. "It's been stressful, to say the least."
Hikaru was saved any further potential embarrassment when a voice called out, "Shindou-san! Exactly the person I wanted to see. Can I interview you?"
It was the young Weekly Go reporter who had done all those messed-up interviews during the North Star Cup. Hikaru racked his brains but couldn't remember the guy's name.
The Reporter-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named looked at Amano and said, "Sorry, can I borrow Shindou-kun from you?"
"Of course. I know what piece you're working on. Make sure you write down all the details this time."
"I will!" replied the little reporter as Amano took his leave. "So, Shindou-kun, we're doing a feature on the up-and-comers of the go world. Can I ask you a few questions?"
"Another feature on that? Do you do those once a week or something?"
"Well, we are 'Weekly' Go."
"...Whatever, just ask away."
"It'll only take a few minutes. First, I wanted to know what you think about Touya Akira's go--"
"He's strong, duh."
"--and second, whether your rivalry with him is something you wrote about for the Weekly Go essay contest."
Hikaru gave him an evil glare.
"I'm assuming that's what you were talking to Amano-san about, the writing contest--"
"Back to the first question," Hikaru interrupted. "Here's what I think about Touya's go. It's blinding, absolutely blinding."
"Ooh, good comment, let me write that down."
"Blinding in the way that Touya's purple suits are blinding when he wears them with his green shirt. I mean blinding as in, 'Agh, I will never see again because this sad excuse for a go strategy has blinded me in the eyes.' You get what I mean?"
The reporter looked up from his notebook, where he was furiously transcribing Hikaru's response. "Are you saying Touya's go isn't color-coordinated?"
"I'm saying it makes me want to claw my eyes out."
"'...claw my eyes out.' Okay, gotcha. So it's bad go?"
Hikaru looked away. "I didn't say that. It's just stupid go. Blind, stupid, Touya-go."
"There's quite a big difference between "blinding" and "blind," Shindou-san, you'll have to make up your mind about what kind of analogy you're making there."
"I'm just a former insei who never went to high school. It's not like I can make smart comments or write a decent essay. All I can do is play go. I hope that's enough for Touya. I'm his rival, right?"
He looked away, feeling a weird grimace coming onto his face. Since when did he care about this writing contest so much, or about being able to match up to Touya in anything other than go? It was just the trip to Korea that he wanted, right?
The reporter squirreled his way back into Hikaru's line of sight. "Are you okay, Shindou-kun?"
"I'm fine. But not really in the mood for an interview. Sorry."
"That's all right. I'll go interview someone else, I think. I'll see you later!"
"See you."
The reporter, whose name Hikaru really wished he could remember, made his way to the elevator, which was just opening to let someone out.
It was Waya, who looked like one of the zombies that Amano had been complaining about. He had dark bags under his eyes and a manic, toothy grin spread across his face. He lurched past the reporter and fell upon Hikaru in a manner that was not creepy at all. Nope.
"Shindooouuuu!"
"Aaaah, Waya."
"I finished!" Waya waved a single sheet of paper in Hikaru's face. "I finally finished!"
"I hope you're not too late--I barely made it on time. Well, go give it to Amano-san directly. He's in the Weekly Go office."
"Yeah!" Waya exclaimed, as if Hikaru had just revealed the secrets of the universe. "I'll do that!" And he lurched off a few steps before coming back. "But let me read it to you first. It's genius!"
"Uh, that's okay. You already told me what it's about in the chat. Your rivalry with Fuku, right?"
"Nah, I scrapped that. Too derivative. What I wrote is way better!"
Hikaru winced inwardly as Waya started reading in a raspy, just-a-little-bit-batshit-insane voice.
There's nothing so scary as
the page that is blank,
the feeling in your gut that
your story's gonna tank.
"Why didn't I start earlier?!"
you cry to the moon,
you hope God will bring you
some totally wicked awesome idea soon.
So, your pen's in your hand,
your keyboard is calling,
your coffee is cold,
your cat's caterwauling.
But it's four in the morning
and you're still in mourning,
for the time that flew by
despite two months' warning.
Oh, you've tried and you've failed
you've bemoaned your cruel fate,
you've begged to the admins
"Can my submission be late?"
But who are you kidding?
you're just a dumb hack,
you're writing won't give anyone
a blissful heart attack.
So! here's to half-assedness,
to dribbles and drabbles,
to unedited epics full of
strange psychobabble.
To distractions, procrastination!
To plot bunnies ever-spawning!
To friends and to chatting!
To the day that is dawning!
...Say what? What light from yonder window breaks?
It is the east! Oh crap, it is the sun!
Guess you'll have to hand in
Whatever it is you've done.
Yeah, there's nothing so scary as
the page that is blank,
the feeling in your gut that
your story's gonna tank.
But at least you've got something
that fits the word limit,
and this thing might be scary
but at least we're all together in it.
Waya peered at Hikaru with his baggy, bloodshot zombie eyes. "So? Whadja think?"
"...Interesting interpretation of the theme. Um, what does this have to do with 'an experience that changed your go?'"
"Nothing! That's why it's genius! I'ma gonna hand it in now."
Lurch, lurch, lurch went Waya toward the Weekly Go office.
Hikaru was quite relieved when he made it to his getaway vehicle (the elevator). He hoped Waya wouldn't be upset with him for abandoning him in his hour of zombieness--hopefully he just wouldn't remember seeing Hikaru at all. He had to admit, though, that Waya's poem was kind of catchy, if irrelevant. Waya was pretty sharp when he wasn't being stupid.
Well, the contest was done. Now all he could do was wait for the big reveal. Whose story would win?
To be concluded.
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