[takeuma]
by onkoona
Bundle of Joy
Okay... This was so not what he had asked for, when he'd pleaded the gods, yet again, to give him his Sai back.
'Hikaru! Hikaru!' The little hand attached itself to his trouser leg, proving that even little kids had some considerable strength - or that grown up boys really should wear belts - by pulling the pro player’s pants a good 4 inches downwards, so that Hikaru had to hastily hoist it up again, so as to prevent the neighborhood from seeing him in his boxers. He deftly caught the little hands before they could have another go at his clothing and squatted down to the tyke's level in order to have a good look at him.
The child was - to the best of the young pro’s estimate - about 4 years old, with straight black hair just below his shoulders, no bangs. He had the palest skin Hikaru had ever seen but it was the color of the merrily inquisitive eyes that clinched it; they were very dark, but clearly purple when the light him them just so. As they had always been, as Hikaru remembered them; they were Sai's.
Hikaru had been the one nearest the front door when the door bell had rung not 10 minutes earlier. So he has shouted 'I'll get it!' in the direction of the kitchen - where his mother was going 5 rounds with yet another French recipe, her latest hobby; trying out non Japanese foods.
Once he'd opened the front door and had found no one at his eye level, he had naturally looked down for a parcel delivery or some such. Instead he had found the little boy, wearing a purple yukata with big white butterflies, looking up at him with a huge smile.
And the boy was Sai, there could be no mistake, more especially because he kept repeating 'Hikaru! Hikaru!'
For a long moment the 15 (and a half) year old go player just held the little hands in his and looked full in the little boy's face while trying to order his thoughts. The purple eyed child's gaze did not falter but stayed open throughout, and he stayed silent too, as though he knew Hikaru desperately needed time to think.
/How was this possible? How could Sai be here? How could he be so young? Where had he been? How did he get here? Who'd brought him? This is a dream, isn't it? Or a nightmare? No, definitely a delusion. This cannot be real, can it?/ All these questions and a whole lot more danced through his head so fast, he could hardly follow them, much less consider answers for them.
In the end his arms did his thinking for him, when they gathered the small body to his chest and he tucked his head in the tiny hollow between head and shoulder. Sai was here and here really couldn't care less how or why.
55555
Of course that was only the beginning of problems, for it soon became clear that a 4 year old arriving out of nowhere was just not the done thing in a modern world! Hikaru's mother made him call in the police, being very sure that some family was in dire straits over their missing son. There wasn't much Hikaru could say against that; the truth being impossible to believe. So the police came and asked little Sai his name and where he came from, which the boy truthfully answered with 'Fujiwara no Sai' and 'Heian-Kyo'. And then the boy blithely said, 'But I belong to Hikaru,' and kept that up far longer than the policeman had patience.
The upshot was that Sai was taken to child services. No amount of pleading on Hikaru's part, and after a while his mother's part, could change the child services officer's mind. The law was the law.
They looked for little Sai's family, of course, but Hikaru already knew there could be none. Imagine his shock when someone did show up. And imagine his relieve when, after having become suspicious, the child services officer had had a DNA test done, proving conclusively that the man was no relation of Sai’s what so ever.
Hikaru applied for a license to adopt Sai, but was turned down; he was too young. He begged and pleaded with his parents but as reluctantly indulgent as they had been with his go playing, they put their foot down firmly; this child was none of their concern, let the state take care of him.
And so the state did; Sai was placed in a small orphanage for children from 3-10 years old. And Hikaru was shattered.
But young Sai took it all in his stride; he was a happy kid and everybody loved him on sight. But when anyone ever asked him if he wanted to be adopted or fostered he would tell them, 'No, thank you, I belong to Hikaru'.
55555
The moment that Sai was placed in the orphanage, Hikaru started visiting. He was allowed to come on the weekend and one afternoon in the week proper. Hikaru availed himself of all the allotted time, every week without fail. Little Sai was always delighted to see Hikaru, and Hikaru found that the small orphanage was, while not as good as a real family, a pretty homely place.
They would play go, of course, and while Sai's tiny hands had trouble holding the stones, his real go ability was fully there. Hikaru pretty quickly got used to losing to the diminutive go genius. It was like old times really.
What was different was that Sai made some friends of his own age in the home. The most important of these was little Keiko, a mousy girl with knocking knees and eyes twice too big for her face hidden behind steel rimmed glasses. Sai had taught her to play go - she was not bad for a 5 year old - but they also played ‘hide and seek’ and ‘I spy with my little eye’ and ‘kick the ball’ and, of course, ‘tag’. And Sai made Hikaru take part in all these games, which he did at first reluctantly, but later enjoyed as much as they did.
It was after a few weeks that Hikaru asked the orphanage director, a Mrs. Tachibana - known to the kids as Nana-san - if he could take out Sai for a trip to the fairground, for he had passed by one on his way to the station and it had a big Ferris wheel, which he had told Sai about. He was refused. Reason: too young and too inexperienced handling kids. Hikaru got really mad, and rather pissily demanded what it would take to get permission. Nana-san told him point blank she would not let any of her children out with anybody who did not have the right child care qualifications. Hikaru stormed out swearing that he would GET those qualifications. And 8 weeks later he was back, slamming a signed Certificate of 'Child Care Proficiency, 3-7 year olds' on her desk.
He took Sai, Keiko and a skinny little boy called Toto (Hikaru assumed that was a nickname) for a ride on the kiddy rollercoaster, since the Ferris wheel had long since moved on.
As he sat with the kids in the mini steam train, whizzing at moderate speed along the track, he looked over at Sai who was having a whale of a time. Yes, those 8 weeks of sacrificing two weekdays a week, sitting in that clinical school room, memorizing cleanliness regimes and dietary requirements had all been worth it, just to see his Sai so happy.
55555
From the weekend after Hikaru had acquired the ability to 'spring' his ex-ghostly companion from his not-so-much-of-a-prison, Hikaru took him to every reputable go club in the greater Tokyo area. Also to the Touya club, where they met, inevitably, first Touya junior and not much later Touya senior. And, of course, Sai played the Mejin, and very nearly won again; the difference between them was still half a /moku/.
The retired go master took Hikaru aside after the game and demanded answers. The man wasn't stupid, he knew his arithmetic, and he came up with, 4 years old boy minus 1 and a half years equals a 2 and a half years old boy. This Sai he had just played would have been 2 and a half years old at the time of that fated internet game. And he would have been a year younger at the time SAI's had appeared on NetGo during that summer full of games, one of which Akira had played. The older man demanded an explanation but Hikaru kept his eyes straight forward and his mouth shut. This was something he had plenty of experience with and he would not falter now.
After a lengthy, but silent, battle of wills, it was Touya that relented. With an, 'As long as I get to play him, just what does it matter?' he let go of his questions. Hikaru heaved a sigh of relief. He really hadn't looked forward to having to tell little Sai - who was now happily decimating Akira's black battlements with his white warriors - that they would not be able to come again.
55555
Time sped by, and they were having barrels of fun. Hikaru was now a fixture on Wednesday afternoons and Saturdays at the orphanage, occasionally bringing friends. (Little Sai had even managed to entice Akira to a game of hide and seek. Hikaru had been flabbergasted by the sight of Akira trying to squeeze into one of the hall lockers. Oh, how he had wished for a camera phone at that point!)
When Hiraku arrived that very first day he had, of course, brought some candy for Sai - who had more than a bit of sweet tooth. But saw quickly enough the look on the other kids' faces and next time, and every time after, he brought enough sweets and little toys for everyone.
And he started donating things. It had started off with wanting to get rid of those drab curtains in the play room and the bed room. In their place Hikaru organized bright curtains for every room in the place, giving each room a different vibrant color. Next he organized a drive for money for paint and labor for getting it on the drab walls. And he did it all just to see those purple eyes light up with each improvement.
55555
Sai was about six years old when someone - Waya? - suggested he should be enrolled into the insei program. It would make him the youngest insei ever and wouldn't that be cool?
Nana-san decidedly did not think so a vetoed the plan. But then Hikaru (and Akira and Waya) assured her that he would pay for any costs and he'd make sure Sai got there and back safely every Sunday and the occasional Saturday. And he'd make sure Sai's grades in school wouldn’t suffer.
In the end Nana-san gave in, murmuring something about, 'He'll never pass anyway,' to herself.
Of course she was wrong and Sai did pass and so he became an insei. And he loved playing go with so many new people. Hikaru stuck close to Sai on insei-days, for while Sai's ability at go was all grown up, Sai himself was not, and a small boy like him might get trampled, figuratively if not actually.
When the time came for the pro-exams that year, Shinoda-sensei counseled against Sai taking part even though the boy was more than qualified. The sensei was worried at letting a boy that small go pro. At first Hikaru was very angry, but after having lost two qualifying matches in a row - due to some vey grown up manipulation techniques on the part of his opponents, before and during each game, and not a higher ability in go - Hikaru had to reluctantly agree; Sai was just too small.
Sai didn't mind in the least; he never seemed to be worried about anything but opportunities to play and Hikaru. And since he had both on regular basic, Sai was one happy 6-year old.
55555
After Sai had been an insei for over a years - and top of the 1st class, non-stop - he asked Hikaru if Keiko could be an insei too. Hikaru had been startled by the question. He had played Keiko of course, many times, but never had he considered that she might be interested. Now he did think about it he realized she was good enough, even if she was only 8. He got her an entrance test and sponsored her class attendance. Shinoda-sensie did tell him in private that he would not have let her in if Sai, a person of her own age, had not been there already. Hikaru resolved to look of for the youngest players from now on.
Keiko did well in class, moving at a slow but steady speed upward. She was no go prodigy like Sai, but was methodical and studious and had a good eye for any opening as it arose on the board.
Keiko unfortunately had nothing much to offer in the looks department and was generally passed over on adoption days as too drab and lifeless, whereas Hikaru had learned over time (and Sai had know instantly) that she was just shy and thoughtful.
But on the annual adoption days there was just not enough time to show her good qualities. Now Sai had no problem getting adoption proposals, with his waist long hair exotic eyes and always happy disposition he was the first to be asked each year. But he turned them all down flat. And the one time that Nana-san insisted and let a couple take him home on a trial basic, Sai was brought back within 6 hours, without his cheery disposition. Nana-san didn't try again after that.
55555
When Sai was 9 he went to his last adoption day. This time it was he who chose the couple he would speak to, instead of the other way around as was the norm. He chose a serious looking pair - he was a doctor, she a nurse - and talked to them at length. But he didn't talk about himself; he talked about his best friend Keiko. He talked about her ideas and her goals and her go and about all they had shared. And then he introduced
the couple to her. And stepped back and prayed.
Hikaru, who always came to adoption days to support Sai in whatever he chose, would sit in the play yard most of the day, in a corner behind the swings. Every year he had wanted to adopt little Sai, but for the first few he had been deemed too young and the last few times Sai had refused him saying, 'I'm not ready.'
Hikaru had respected that but Sai was already 9 and the go pro was starting to get anxious. Did Sai still want to belong to him? Had he changed his mind?
Sai had relocated to the other side of the play room so the Yamamotos could get to know Keiko. After about a half hour Mr. Yamamoto made his way back over to Sai, and the little ex-ghost started to worry. What if it didn't work this time? After this there would only be one more adoption day before Keiko would have to go to the big orphanage, and Sai knew she would never get adopted from there. His heart thumped in his chest as Mr. Yamamoto stopped in front of him. As the man started speaking, relief floated through him; the doctor only wanted to know what this /go-insei/ business was and what it meant to want to be a go-pro. Sai told him there was someone else who could explain it far better then he and he ran out to fetch him.
They yard was nearly empty, as it was overcast and a little chilly out, so Hikaru sat alone with his somber thoughts when Sai came running out towards him, sporting the biggest grin ever. Hikaru could not help but smile back, hoping that this meant Sai was finally ready.
It turned out it that had not been what had made Sai so happy but it had been the possible adoption of Keiko by the Yamamotos. Sai wanted his help with that and Hikaru was prepared to do anything Sai asked of him, if it made the boy so happy.
Hikaru talked for nearly an hour with Mr. Yamamoto, while Mrs. Yamamoto played with Keiko.
Yes, being a go pro was a real job and it paid well. No, go pros were not any more anti social than anyone else that had a real career. Yes, she was keeping up her grades. No, being a girl in the go world was not too much of a handicap. Yes, being an /insei/ costs money, but not too much more than good piano lessons. And so on.
In the end Mr. Yamamoto said yes to a trial and Mrs. Yamamoto was delighted. Nana-san was over the moon. And so was Sai, and that mattered most to Hikaru anyway.
55555
After all the prospected parents had left the orphanage, it was time for the traditional clean up. Sai and Hikaru helped out as usual. When both were busy clearing the craft table Sai halted Hikaru with a touch on his sleeve.
'I think it's time for you to apply to foster me,' he said.
'But I want to adopt you!' Hikaru exclaimed. He felt inexplicably cold; why fostering?
'No, Hikaru,' Sai looked up into Hikaru's face. 'Forster me, please.' He lowered his head in a bow.
Hikaru did not understand why Sai insisted on being fostered, but if that was what he wanted Hikaru would do it, for Sai, anything.
Fostering meant he'd have to take another course and exam. And he'd have to be vetted, not that that was a problem; he'd been earning his own keep for many years now and had moved out of his parents house 3 years earlier - in a move to prepare for Sai's adoption - to a real house with a garden in the suburbs, instead of a flat in the center. Hikaru knew they'd want him to have a family home not a bachelor pad. He also knew they'd prefer him to be married, but he couldn't go that far. And anyway, single parent adoptions were not unheard of. And, as Hikaru quickly found out, neither was a single parent fostering.
Before Fujiwara Sai's tenth birthday - which, for lack of information, had been set at May 5th; boy's day - he became officially fostered by Shindou Hikaru and moved in with him in his suburban house.
5555
When the police first had looked for Sai's family, Hikaru had followed the proceedings closely. He had managed to acquaint himself to one of the forensic techs at the stations who was a go fan, trading inside go information for updates on the case. Having spied the equipment available, Hikaru had suggested that maybe little Sai might look like his father and if they took a picture of little Sai - which he just happened to have at hand - and age it up to an adult, they might use it to show to people. In the end the suggestion was ignored, and no one was found anyway, Hukaru knowing full well no one could be found.
The idea of aging up the photo stuck with Hikaru, however. He didn't have a likeness of Sai, the Heian ghost; one could not photograph a specter, and even though Hikaru really sucked at drawing, he had tried to draw Sai. But it was not the same.
A year or so later, after a regular routine had returned to his life, Hikaru took a new photo of little Sai and took it to private forensic firm, that aged the portrait up, tweaked by Hikaru to get the desired result. Upon request, they were even willing to put Heian court clothing on the new portrait.
Hikaru ordered a big and a tiny print. The big one went into his desk drawer and the tiny one into his wallet.
5555
Meanwhile life had been good for both. Sai had become a pro at 10 and had taken his first title at 13 (the Juudan). He could have been faster than that but he had decided to just play in the /oteai/ for a year or two before trying for a title. Hikaru didn't do too bad either, he came as far as challenging level in many a tournament and managed to take the Gosei away from Ogata, who had an off day, that day. Unfortunately Ogata was back in form the very next year and grabbed back his title. But the poor man could not take back the Juudan from the child prodigy, and there was much talk of the most dreadful cussing being overheard in the hallway outside of the Juudan game room.
Because Sai was fostered and not adopted, his money was his own and in a rare uncharitable moment Hikaru thought that that had been the plan all along. Not that Hikaru needed the money, his job paid well and winning even a single title paid even better. The fostering fee Hikaru got from the government, small as it was, he donated straight to the orphanage. Seeing Sai grow up made the bad thoughts go away; the teen was generous to a fault - donating large sums to the orphanage and the Tokyo central orphan fund - and would have chipped in anytime had it been necessary, which it never had been nor would it be, if Hikaru had any say in it.
All in all life was pretty good, and it was only on the eve of each 5th of May that Hikaru took out the aged up picture of Sai as he had been, and thought thoughts he was not going to share with any one, ever.
55555
Sai's 18th birthday had been an intimate affair shared with his current friends as each of his birthdays had been. It had been a slightly sad events as Shuu, Sai's high school buddy, was moving to America to join a prestigious art school on a full scholarship. Oddly enough it had been Touya Akira that had convinced the boy's father to let him develop his art skills some 4 years earlier. Now the young man would move half-way across the world and Hikaru could tell Sai was very upset about it. The whole thing was made worse with the new that Keiko - now a 3-dan pro - had been invited to come to Korea for a year to teach go there. So Sai would be without both his best friends for at least a year.
In the weeks after Keiko and Shuu left the Shindou-Fujiwara house became quiet, like it was waiting for something, but Hikaru could not discern what. He went about his daily routine, as did Sai. Eat, sleep, play go, feed the cat, pay the bills. Hikaru found himself looking at the manipulated photo almost every day now. This was Sai as he had been, while in the living room or the garden, Sai as is, sat reading or prepared for a game.
Hikaru realized the two now looked almost exactly the same. Sai at 18 was a little younger that Sai the ghost had been, but only a very little. Hikaru thought his secret thoughts again, and promised faithfully never to tell Sai. Ever.
55555
One morning a big parcel arrived. Not a totally uncommon occurrence in that house, what was uncommon was that it had been addressed to Sai, who signed for it, and the teen had quickly absconded with it, upstairs to his bed room.
Hikaru didn't think more of it and continued clearing the breakfast things off the coffee table and started to set it up for their Goban as both had the day off from work.
Sai's usual morning dressing time was always a little on the long side; he had that hair to comb out and tie after all, so Hikaru was not surprised when he had to wait a good half hour for the young man to appear. That was one reason they always had breakfast first before dressing. Another was that Sai could get incredibly grumpy if he wasn't fed on time.
Hikaru was leisurely reading the latest issue of Weekly Go when Sai loudly cleared his throat. This was such an unusual thing for the teen to do that it grabbed the older go pro's full attention; he yanked down his paper and saw:
Sai.
His Sai. As was, in all his Heian glory. Black hat, white /kariginu/, puffy trousers, tabied feet.
Hikaru had gotten up at the throat clearing but now fell back onto to soft couch.
'Sai?' He murmured.
The apparition smiled and held out his arm, with the yellow fan pointing towards Hikaru.
'Yes, it's me.' The ghost came forward, closing in on the shocked go pro. And he walked around the coffee table, instead of through it. This simple fact jolted Hikaru out of his near stupor.
'Sai?' He asked, louder this time.
'Uhun,' his foster son nodded and stopped before his foster dad - that he had never called 'dad', nor 'father', only ever 'Hikaru'.
Having stopped between Hikaru legs, the young man kneeled down perching on the coffee table behind him, and leaned forward. His elegant hand - the one that was not holding the fan - slid forward out of the white sleeve of the /kariginu/, and cupped Hikaru's chin. Sai moved forward again and, tilting his head, touched his lips to Hikaru's. The touch was soft but brief. Hikaru did not notice he had closed his eyes until he opened them again and saw those amazing purple eyes flicker open close up in front of him. He ran the tip of his tongue over his lips where Sai had touched him.
'Wha- why?' he breathed.
'Because I've wanted to,' Sai smiled, letting his fingers glide along Hikaru's jaw.
'Uh,' Hikaru suddenly felt hot and cold. 'How long...?' He chided himself for asking such a inane question now of all times!
'Since I was 8 years old.' The beatific smile got bigger. He leant forward again and when their lips touched this time, Sai pushed forward with confidence and this time opened his mouth. Hikaru took the invitation and used all his rather limited kissing skills to thoroughly explore the young man's mouth. Lack of air made them break.
'And you, how long?' Sai panted, resting his forehead on Hikaru's, trying to catch his breath.
Hikaru flinched as he remembered all the inappropriate thoughts he had directed at that infernal fake picture of a ghost. All that time he had told himself that thinking about the ghost that way was okay, that as it wasn't directed at the boy, it was acceptable, safe. But deep down he had known he was deluding himself; he was hopelessly in love with this living Sai, and had been for years.
Hikaru's shame made him try to pull away, but the former Heian noble would have none of it and stopped his retreat with the hand that had been caressing the older man's cheek now slipped behind his neck. Hikaru looked up into Sai's purple orbs in shock.
'I know,' Sai said. 'I've seen the picture you keep in your desk, and the small one in your wallet,' he added with an archaic smile. Hikaru tried to pull away once more, but to no avail.
'I've never stopped loving you,' Sai said, coming forward again with clear intentions of kissing him again.
'But...' Hikaru breathed, and then could not breathe for some minutes as Sai in his turn explored Hikaru's mouth.
55555
It wasn't until some hours later that Hikaru got a chance to explain; something he felt he had to do. As Sai listened patiently, Hikaru muddled through his darkest thoughts that had been ignored for years. And when Hikaru was done and waited anxiously for Sai's verdict, the young man answered him with another thorough kiss.
It wasn't too long after that Hikaru got an answer to his question of why Sai had asked to be fostered instead of adopted. Sai told him, like it was totally self evident, and yes in hind sight it was, that if Hikaru had adopted him Sai would have felt very awkward wanting to bed his own 'father'!
55555
Bundle of Joy
Okay... This was so not what he had asked for, when he'd pleaded the gods, yet again, to give him his Sai back.
'Hikaru! Hikaru!' The little hand attached itself to his trouser leg, proving that even little kids had some considerable strength - or that grown up boys really should wear belts - by pulling the pro player’s pants a good 4 inches downwards, so that Hikaru had to hastily hoist it up again, so as to prevent the neighborhood from seeing him in his boxers. He deftly caught the little hands before they could have another go at his clothing and squatted down to the tyke's level in order to have a good look at him.
The child was - to the best of the young pro’s estimate - about 4 years old, with straight black hair just below his shoulders, no bangs. He had the palest skin Hikaru had ever seen but it was the color of the merrily inquisitive eyes that clinched it; they were very dark, but clearly purple when the light him them just so. As they had always been, as Hikaru remembered them; they were Sai's.
Hikaru had been the one nearest the front door when the door bell had rung not 10 minutes earlier. So he has shouted 'I'll get it!' in the direction of the kitchen - where his mother was going 5 rounds with yet another French recipe, her latest hobby; trying out non Japanese foods.
Once he'd opened the front door and had found no one at his eye level, he had naturally looked down for a parcel delivery or some such. Instead he had found the little boy, wearing a purple yukata with big white butterflies, looking up at him with a huge smile.
And the boy was Sai, there could be no mistake, more especially because he kept repeating 'Hikaru! Hikaru!'
For a long moment the 15 (and a half) year old go player just held the little hands in his and looked full in the little boy's face while trying to order his thoughts. The purple eyed child's gaze did not falter but stayed open throughout, and he stayed silent too, as though he knew Hikaru desperately needed time to think.
/How was this possible? How could Sai be here? How could he be so young? Where had he been? How did he get here? Who'd brought him? This is a dream, isn't it? Or a nightmare? No, definitely a delusion. This cannot be real, can it?/ All these questions and a whole lot more danced through his head so fast, he could hardly follow them, much less consider answers for them.
In the end his arms did his thinking for him, when they gathered the small body to his chest and he tucked his head in the tiny hollow between head and shoulder. Sai was here and here really couldn't care less how or why.
55555
Of course that was only the beginning of problems, for it soon became clear that a 4 year old arriving out of nowhere was just not the done thing in a modern world! Hikaru's mother made him call in the police, being very sure that some family was in dire straits over their missing son. There wasn't much Hikaru could say against that; the truth being impossible to believe. So the police came and asked little Sai his name and where he came from, which the boy truthfully answered with 'Fujiwara no Sai' and 'Heian-Kyo'. And then the boy blithely said, 'But I belong to Hikaru,' and kept that up far longer than the policeman had patience.
The upshot was that Sai was taken to child services. No amount of pleading on Hikaru's part, and after a while his mother's part, could change the child services officer's mind. The law was the law.
They looked for little Sai's family, of course, but Hikaru already knew there could be none. Imagine his shock when someone did show up. And imagine his relieve when, after having become suspicious, the child services officer had had a DNA test done, proving conclusively that the man was no relation of Sai’s what so ever.
Hikaru applied for a license to adopt Sai, but was turned down; he was too young. He begged and pleaded with his parents but as reluctantly indulgent as they had been with his go playing, they put their foot down firmly; this child was none of their concern, let the state take care of him.
And so the state did; Sai was placed in a small orphanage for children from 3-10 years old. And Hikaru was shattered.
But young Sai took it all in his stride; he was a happy kid and everybody loved him on sight. But when anyone ever asked him if he wanted to be adopted or fostered he would tell them, 'No, thank you, I belong to Hikaru'.
55555
The moment that Sai was placed in the orphanage, Hikaru started visiting. He was allowed to come on the weekend and one afternoon in the week proper. Hikaru availed himself of all the allotted time, every week without fail. Little Sai was always delighted to see Hikaru, and Hikaru found that the small orphanage was, while not as good as a real family, a pretty homely place.
They would play go, of course, and while Sai's tiny hands had trouble holding the stones, his real go ability was fully there. Hikaru pretty quickly got used to losing to the diminutive go genius. It was like old times really.
What was different was that Sai made some friends of his own age in the home. The most important of these was little Keiko, a mousy girl with knocking knees and eyes twice too big for her face hidden behind steel rimmed glasses. Sai had taught her to play go - she was not bad for a 5 year old - but they also played ‘hide and seek’ and ‘I spy with my little eye’ and ‘kick the ball’ and, of course, ‘tag’. And Sai made Hikaru take part in all these games, which he did at first reluctantly, but later enjoyed as much as they did.
It was after a few weeks that Hikaru asked the orphanage director, a Mrs. Tachibana - known to the kids as Nana-san - if he could take out Sai for a trip to the fairground, for he had passed by one on his way to the station and it had a big Ferris wheel, which he had told Sai about. He was refused. Reason: too young and too inexperienced handling kids. Hikaru got really mad, and rather pissily demanded what it would take to get permission. Nana-san told him point blank she would not let any of her children out with anybody who did not have the right child care qualifications. Hikaru stormed out swearing that he would GET those qualifications. And 8 weeks later he was back, slamming a signed Certificate of 'Child Care Proficiency, 3-7 year olds' on her desk.
He took Sai, Keiko and a skinny little boy called Toto (Hikaru assumed that was a nickname) for a ride on the kiddy rollercoaster, since the Ferris wheel had long since moved on.
As he sat with the kids in the mini steam train, whizzing at moderate speed along the track, he looked over at Sai who was having a whale of a time. Yes, those 8 weeks of sacrificing two weekdays a week, sitting in that clinical school room, memorizing cleanliness regimes and dietary requirements had all been worth it, just to see his Sai so happy.
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From the weekend after Hikaru had acquired the ability to 'spring' his ex-ghostly companion from his not-so-much-of-a-prison, Hikaru took him to every reputable go club in the greater Tokyo area. Also to the Touya club, where they met, inevitably, first Touya junior and not much later Touya senior. And, of course, Sai played the Mejin, and very nearly won again; the difference between them was still half a /moku/.
The retired go master took Hikaru aside after the game and demanded answers. The man wasn't stupid, he knew his arithmetic, and he came up with, 4 years old boy minus 1 and a half years equals a 2 and a half years old boy. This Sai he had just played would have been 2 and a half years old at the time of that fated internet game. And he would have been a year younger at the time SAI's had appeared on NetGo during that summer full of games, one of which Akira had played. The older man demanded an explanation but Hikaru kept his eyes straight forward and his mouth shut. This was something he had plenty of experience with and he would not falter now.
After a lengthy, but silent, battle of wills, it was Touya that relented. With an, 'As long as I get to play him, just what does it matter?' he let go of his questions. Hikaru heaved a sigh of relief. He really hadn't looked forward to having to tell little Sai - who was now happily decimating Akira's black battlements with his white warriors - that they would not be able to come again.
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Time sped by, and they were having barrels of fun. Hikaru was now a fixture on Wednesday afternoons and Saturdays at the orphanage, occasionally bringing friends. (Little Sai had even managed to entice Akira to a game of hide and seek. Hikaru had been flabbergasted by the sight of Akira trying to squeeze into one of the hall lockers. Oh, how he had wished for a camera phone at that point!)
When Hiraku arrived that very first day he had, of course, brought some candy for Sai - who had more than a bit of sweet tooth. But saw quickly enough the look on the other kids' faces and next time, and every time after, he brought enough sweets and little toys for everyone.
And he started donating things. It had started off with wanting to get rid of those drab curtains in the play room and the bed room. In their place Hikaru organized bright curtains for every room in the place, giving each room a different vibrant color. Next he organized a drive for money for paint and labor for getting it on the drab walls. And he did it all just to see those purple eyes light up with each improvement.
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Sai was about six years old when someone - Waya? - suggested he should be enrolled into the insei program. It would make him the youngest insei ever and wouldn't that be cool?
Nana-san decidedly did not think so a vetoed the plan. But then Hikaru (and Akira and Waya) assured her that he would pay for any costs and he'd make sure Sai got there and back safely every Sunday and the occasional Saturday. And he'd make sure Sai's grades in school wouldn’t suffer.
In the end Nana-san gave in, murmuring something about, 'He'll never pass anyway,' to herself.
Of course she was wrong and Sai did pass and so he became an insei. And he loved playing go with so many new people. Hikaru stuck close to Sai on insei-days, for while Sai's ability at go was all grown up, Sai himself was not, and a small boy like him might get trampled, figuratively if not actually.
When the time came for the pro-exams that year, Shinoda-sensei counseled against Sai taking part even though the boy was more than qualified. The sensei was worried at letting a boy that small go pro. At first Hikaru was very angry, but after having lost two qualifying matches in a row - due to some vey grown up manipulation techniques on the part of his opponents, before and during each game, and not a higher ability in go - Hikaru had to reluctantly agree; Sai was just too small.
Sai didn't mind in the least; he never seemed to be worried about anything but opportunities to play and Hikaru. And since he had both on regular basic, Sai was one happy 6-year old.
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After Sai had been an insei for over a years - and top of the 1st class, non-stop - he asked Hikaru if Keiko could be an insei too. Hikaru had been startled by the question. He had played Keiko of course, many times, but never had he considered that she might be interested. Now he did think about it he realized she was good enough, even if she was only 8. He got her an entrance test and sponsored her class attendance. Shinoda-sensie did tell him in private that he would not have let her in if Sai, a person of her own age, had not been there already. Hikaru resolved to look of for the youngest players from now on.
Keiko did well in class, moving at a slow but steady speed upward. She was no go prodigy like Sai, but was methodical and studious and had a good eye for any opening as it arose on the board.
Keiko unfortunately had nothing much to offer in the looks department and was generally passed over on adoption days as too drab and lifeless, whereas Hikaru had learned over time (and Sai had know instantly) that she was just shy and thoughtful.
But on the annual adoption days there was just not enough time to show her good qualities. Now Sai had no problem getting adoption proposals, with his waist long hair exotic eyes and always happy disposition he was the first to be asked each year. But he turned them all down flat. And the one time that Nana-san insisted and let a couple take him home on a trial basic, Sai was brought back within 6 hours, without his cheery disposition. Nana-san didn't try again after that.
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When Sai was 9 he went to his last adoption day. This time it was he who chose the couple he would speak to, instead of the other way around as was the norm. He chose a serious looking pair - he was a doctor, she a nurse - and talked to them at length. But he didn't talk about himself; he talked about his best friend Keiko. He talked about her ideas and her goals and her go and about all they had shared. And then he introduced
the couple to her. And stepped back and prayed.
Hikaru, who always came to adoption days to support Sai in whatever he chose, would sit in the play yard most of the day, in a corner behind the swings. Every year he had wanted to adopt little Sai, but for the first few he had been deemed too young and the last few times Sai had refused him saying, 'I'm not ready.'
Hikaru had respected that but Sai was already 9 and the go pro was starting to get anxious. Did Sai still want to belong to him? Had he changed his mind?
Sai had relocated to the other side of the play room so the Yamamotos could get to know Keiko. After about a half hour Mr. Yamamoto made his way back over to Sai, and the little ex-ghost started to worry. What if it didn't work this time? After this there would only be one more adoption day before Keiko would have to go to the big orphanage, and Sai knew she would never get adopted from there. His heart thumped in his chest as Mr. Yamamoto stopped in front of him. As the man started speaking, relief floated through him; the doctor only wanted to know what this /go-insei/ business was and what it meant to want to be a go-pro. Sai told him there was someone else who could explain it far better then he and he ran out to fetch him.
They yard was nearly empty, as it was overcast and a little chilly out, so Hikaru sat alone with his somber thoughts when Sai came running out towards him, sporting the biggest grin ever. Hikaru could not help but smile back, hoping that this meant Sai was finally ready.
It turned out it that had not been what had made Sai so happy but it had been the possible adoption of Keiko by the Yamamotos. Sai wanted his help with that and Hikaru was prepared to do anything Sai asked of him, if it made the boy so happy.
Hikaru talked for nearly an hour with Mr. Yamamoto, while Mrs. Yamamoto played with Keiko.
Yes, being a go pro was a real job and it paid well. No, go pros were not any more anti social than anyone else that had a real career. Yes, she was keeping up her grades. No, being a girl in the go world was not too much of a handicap. Yes, being an /insei/ costs money, but not too much more than good piano lessons. And so on.
In the end Mr. Yamamoto said yes to a trial and Mrs. Yamamoto was delighted. Nana-san was over the moon. And so was Sai, and that mattered most to Hikaru anyway.
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After all the prospected parents had left the orphanage, it was time for the traditional clean up. Sai and Hikaru helped out as usual. When both were busy clearing the craft table Sai halted Hikaru with a touch on his sleeve.
'I think it's time for you to apply to foster me,' he said.
'But I want to adopt you!' Hikaru exclaimed. He felt inexplicably cold; why fostering?
'No, Hikaru,' Sai looked up into Hikaru's face. 'Forster me, please.' He lowered his head in a bow.
Hikaru did not understand why Sai insisted on being fostered, but if that was what he wanted Hikaru would do it, for Sai, anything.
Fostering meant he'd have to take another course and exam. And he'd have to be vetted, not that that was a problem; he'd been earning his own keep for many years now and had moved out of his parents house 3 years earlier - in a move to prepare for Sai's adoption - to a real house with a garden in the suburbs, instead of a flat in the center. Hikaru knew they'd want him to have a family home not a bachelor pad. He also knew they'd prefer him to be married, but he couldn't go that far. And anyway, single parent adoptions were not unheard of. And, as Hikaru quickly found out, neither was a single parent fostering.
Before Fujiwara Sai's tenth birthday - which, for lack of information, had been set at May 5th; boy's day - he became officially fostered by Shindou Hikaru and moved in with him in his suburban house.
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When the police first had looked for Sai's family, Hikaru had followed the proceedings closely. He had managed to acquaint himself to one of the forensic techs at the stations who was a go fan, trading inside go information for updates on the case. Having spied the equipment available, Hikaru had suggested that maybe little Sai might look like his father and if they took a picture of little Sai - which he just happened to have at hand - and age it up to an adult, they might use it to show to people. In the end the suggestion was ignored, and no one was found anyway, Hukaru knowing full well no one could be found.
The idea of aging up the photo stuck with Hikaru, however. He didn't have a likeness of Sai, the Heian ghost; one could not photograph a specter, and even though Hikaru really sucked at drawing, he had tried to draw Sai. But it was not the same.
A year or so later, after a regular routine had returned to his life, Hikaru took a new photo of little Sai and took it to private forensic firm, that aged the portrait up, tweaked by Hikaru to get the desired result. Upon request, they were even willing to put Heian court clothing on the new portrait.
Hikaru ordered a big and a tiny print. The big one went into his desk drawer and the tiny one into his wallet.
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Meanwhile life had been good for both. Sai had become a pro at 10 and had taken his first title at 13 (the Juudan). He could have been faster than that but he had decided to just play in the /oteai/ for a year or two before trying for a title. Hikaru didn't do too bad either, he came as far as challenging level in many a tournament and managed to take the Gosei away from Ogata, who had an off day, that day. Unfortunately Ogata was back in form the very next year and grabbed back his title. But the poor man could not take back the Juudan from the child prodigy, and there was much talk of the most dreadful cussing being overheard in the hallway outside of the Juudan game room.
Because Sai was fostered and not adopted, his money was his own and in a rare uncharitable moment Hikaru thought that that had been the plan all along. Not that Hikaru needed the money, his job paid well and winning even a single title paid even better. The fostering fee Hikaru got from the government, small as it was, he donated straight to the orphanage. Seeing Sai grow up made the bad thoughts go away; the teen was generous to a fault - donating large sums to the orphanage and the Tokyo central orphan fund - and would have chipped in anytime had it been necessary, which it never had been nor would it be, if Hikaru had any say in it.
All in all life was pretty good, and it was only on the eve of each 5th of May that Hikaru took out the aged up picture of Sai as he had been, and thought thoughts he was not going to share with any one, ever.
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Sai's 18th birthday had been an intimate affair shared with his current friends as each of his birthdays had been. It had been a slightly sad events as Shuu, Sai's high school buddy, was moving to America to join a prestigious art school on a full scholarship. Oddly enough it had been Touya Akira that had convinced the boy's father to let him develop his art skills some 4 years earlier. Now the young man would move half-way across the world and Hikaru could tell Sai was very upset about it. The whole thing was made worse with the new that Keiko - now a 3-dan pro - had been invited to come to Korea for a year to teach go there. So Sai would be without both his best friends for at least a year.
In the weeks after Keiko and Shuu left the Shindou-Fujiwara house became quiet, like it was waiting for something, but Hikaru could not discern what. He went about his daily routine, as did Sai. Eat, sleep, play go, feed the cat, pay the bills. Hikaru found himself looking at the manipulated photo almost every day now. This was Sai as he had been, while in the living room or the garden, Sai as is, sat reading or prepared for a game.
Hikaru realized the two now looked almost exactly the same. Sai at 18 was a little younger that Sai the ghost had been, but only a very little. Hikaru thought his secret thoughts again, and promised faithfully never to tell Sai. Ever.
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One morning a big parcel arrived. Not a totally uncommon occurrence in that house, what was uncommon was that it had been addressed to Sai, who signed for it, and the teen had quickly absconded with it, upstairs to his bed room.
Hikaru didn't think more of it and continued clearing the breakfast things off the coffee table and started to set it up for their Goban as both had the day off from work.
Sai's usual morning dressing time was always a little on the long side; he had that hair to comb out and tie after all, so Hikaru was not surprised when he had to wait a good half hour for the young man to appear. That was one reason they always had breakfast first before dressing. Another was that Sai could get incredibly grumpy if he wasn't fed on time.
Hikaru was leisurely reading the latest issue of Weekly Go when Sai loudly cleared his throat. This was such an unusual thing for the teen to do that it grabbed the older go pro's full attention; he yanked down his paper and saw:
Sai.
His Sai. As was, in all his Heian glory. Black hat, white /kariginu/, puffy trousers, tabied feet.
Hikaru had gotten up at the throat clearing but now fell back onto to soft couch.
'Sai?' He murmured.
The apparition smiled and held out his arm, with the yellow fan pointing towards Hikaru.
'Yes, it's me.' The ghost came forward, closing in on the shocked go pro. And he walked around the coffee table, instead of through it. This simple fact jolted Hikaru out of his near stupor.
'Sai?' He asked, louder this time.
'Uhun,' his foster son nodded and stopped before his foster dad - that he had never called 'dad', nor 'father', only ever 'Hikaru'.
Having stopped between Hikaru legs, the young man kneeled down perching on the coffee table behind him, and leaned forward. His elegant hand - the one that was not holding the fan - slid forward out of the white sleeve of the /kariginu/, and cupped Hikaru's chin. Sai moved forward again and, tilting his head, touched his lips to Hikaru's. The touch was soft but brief. Hikaru did not notice he had closed his eyes until he opened them again and saw those amazing purple eyes flicker open close up in front of him. He ran the tip of his tongue over his lips where Sai had touched him.
'Wha- why?' he breathed.
'Because I've wanted to,' Sai smiled, letting his fingers glide along Hikaru's jaw.
'Uh,' Hikaru suddenly felt hot and cold. 'How long...?' He chided himself for asking such a inane question now of all times!
'Since I was 8 years old.' The beatific smile got bigger. He leant forward again and when their lips touched this time, Sai pushed forward with confidence and this time opened his mouth. Hikaru took the invitation and used all his rather limited kissing skills to thoroughly explore the young man's mouth. Lack of air made them break.
'And you, how long?' Sai panted, resting his forehead on Hikaru's, trying to catch his breath.
Hikaru flinched as he remembered all the inappropriate thoughts he had directed at that infernal fake picture of a ghost. All that time he had told himself that thinking about the ghost that way was okay, that as it wasn't directed at the boy, it was acceptable, safe. But deep down he had known he was deluding himself; he was hopelessly in love with this living Sai, and had been for years.
Hikaru's shame made him try to pull away, but the former Heian noble would have none of it and stopped his retreat with the hand that had been caressing the older man's cheek now slipped behind his neck. Hikaru looked up into Sai's purple orbs in shock.
'I know,' Sai said. 'I've seen the picture you keep in your desk, and the small one in your wallet,' he added with an archaic smile. Hikaru tried to pull away once more, but to no avail.
'I've never stopped loving you,' Sai said, coming forward again with clear intentions of kissing him again.
'But...' Hikaru breathed, and then could not breathe for some minutes as Sai in his turn explored Hikaru's mouth.
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It wasn't until some hours later that Hikaru got a chance to explain; something he felt he had to do. As Sai listened patiently, Hikaru muddled through his darkest thoughts that had been ignored for years. And when Hikaru was done and waited anxiously for Sai's verdict, the young man answered him with another thorough kiss.
It wasn't too long after that Hikaru got an answer to his question of why Sai had asked to be fostered instead of adopted. Sai told him, like it was totally self evident, and yes in hind sight it was, that if Hikaru had adopted him Sai would have felt very awkward wanting to bed his own 'father'!
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