(no subject)
I'm feeling crotchety because it's late and my throat feels like a jellyfish crawled into it and died, thus precluding sleep. Combined with the factors I'm here to discuss, it's putting me in a dismal frame of mind.
Strangely, even though I'm making progress with my art, obvious progress, I'm just feeling worse about it. It's nowhere near the level it'd need to be to get me gainful employment. My action shots and anatomy are still iffy, and I'm incapable of sustained work on anything sequential... and backgrounds. Don't talk to me about backgrounds. Plus, I'm an anime artist, and god knows they are the most reviled thing in the art world unless they come from Japan and have that level of talent that's four times beyond what I can hope to attain.
There's also the fact that I'm a bad writer. I don't have the stamina or motivation to write much of anything. My storytelling is mediocre. I'm an "idea guy", and anybody can be one of those. My prose isn't even that good.
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not employable, and I'm not on the route to employability in any meaningful way. Frankly, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to be able to do with myself after college. I'm not a good artist (and I didn't even choose an art school), I'm a bad writer, my degree won't be in anything tangible, I can't program... none of the industries that I'd like to be a part of would want me.
Maybe I should consider some other path in life. Like being a hobo.
Outside of that, it's hardly nicer. I'm currently living with my dad and grandmother over winter break, and it's stressful. Not as bad as at my mom's place, but that's not exactly difficult. My grandma is the smothering type, who constantly throws unwanted attention at me and fusses over my every move. She also thinks I'm a girl.
This is a problem.
As of yet, I've retreated into my room, stayed awake at night and slept through the days.
Disappear is a problem, too. Sure, I'm still posting regularly with Toru, but... hardly anybody else is. The game has been running for over a year and a half with pretty much the same cast the whole time, and it seems like everyone is burnt out. It's not something I can hope to cure, or really even aid with (other than keeping with my current rate of activity), but it's hard to see.
...man, I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking everything.
Strangely, even though I'm making progress with my art, obvious progress, I'm just feeling worse about it. It's nowhere near the level it'd need to be to get me gainful employment. My action shots and anatomy are still iffy, and I'm incapable of sustained work on anything sequential... and backgrounds. Don't talk to me about backgrounds. Plus, I'm an anime artist, and god knows they are the most reviled thing in the art world unless they come from Japan and have that level of talent that's four times beyond what I can hope to attain.
There's also the fact that I'm a bad writer. I don't have the stamina or motivation to write much of anything. My storytelling is mediocre. I'm an "idea guy", and anybody can be one of those. My prose isn't even that good.
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not employable, and I'm not on the route to employability in any meaningful way. Frankly, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to be able to do with myself after college. I'm not a good artist (and I didn't even choose an art school), I'm a bad writer, my degree won't be in anything tangible, I can't program... none of the industries that I'd like to be a part of would want me.
Maybe I should consider some other path in life. Like being a hobo.
Outside of that, it's hardly nicer. I'm currently living with my dad and grandmother over winter break, and it's stressful. Not as bad as at my mom's place, but that's not exactly difficult. My grandma is the smothering type, who constantly throws unwanted attention at me and fusses over my every move. She also thinks I'm a girl.
This is a problem.
As of yet, I've retreated into my room, stayed awake at night and slept through the days.
Disappear is a problem, too. Sure, I'm still posting regularly with Toru, but... hardly anybody else is. The game has been running for over a year and a half with pretty much the same cast the whole time, and it seems like everyone is burnt out. It's not something I can hope to cure, or really even aid with (other than keeping with my current rate of activity), but it's hard to see.
...man, I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking everything.