The Girl in the Corner: A Jailhouse Journal Pt 5
Not that anybody cares anymore, but there's plenty left. Here's the next thrilling installment.
06 Monday
Fried eggs, cornbread, potatoes and oatmeal. Bleah.
For once, I'm not sure if I dreamed about Dawn or not. I had a dream earlier in the night and I woke up, but I was so tired and had had so much trouble getting to sleep that I said I would remember it and write it down in the morning. I've done it before. I lose some detail,m but the gist remains. But---tonight I had a second dream. I don't generally do that. So the first one's gone. The second one had me, more guy-like than usual, as a photographer shooting something, I don't know what, for my friend John Jackman and his boyfriend, who in this version wasn't French, named Pierre, or ex. But he was really shitty to John, who would then get snotty back. I'm not sure what their main thing was, but they painted their own background for it, and they would tear apart each other's work, esp. the boyfriend's about John. There was one where John had done a pretty landscape and a tawny horse, and it looked really good, and the bf started savaging it and told John to redo the sunflowers, which he felt were particularly bad. I said, "Oh, cuz the rest of it's so realistic and the sunflowers are a lot more fanciful?" And he said, "No, just because." And I said, pointed, and so John could hear, "Oh, because actually, I liked the other ones better and they fit what we're doing better." The bf stalked off and John happily repainted (more like re-coloured-chalked) the flowers like they had originally been. It all reminded me somehow of "Paradise Kiss." But I wish I could remember what that first dream had been.
I pulled that second letter for Dawn. I'm going to rewrite it with the idea of sending it to her in mind. I'm very tired. I figure it's taking me on the average of two hours to get tot sleep. I'm always up for shift change at 11, and generally up or only barely asleep at first rounds at midnight. Not good for going to bed at ten.
Apparently we went on lockdown during "Montel." Great. And my stomach's starting to hurt from all the damn eggs. I took two Rolaids. I wonder if they'll cancel visitation? Wonder if Mom will come?
The other officer left to take peeps to court, and his sub is a jerk. I want to ask about my shopping, but this guy just ignores everybody until he has to do rounds, and then he mostly ignores everybody. I gave him Dawn's old letter to mail and he looked like I'd just asked his daughter for a kiss. Piss on him. I hope lunch doesn't make me sick. I hope the cool guy comes back soon. I need to ask about laundry too.
I had another dream earlier too. I don't remember most of the details. I was working in some small place, and I was in a room off to the side, through one of those plastic curtains like loading docks use, except it was a people-sized door. The curtain was transparent but so beat up you couldn't see through it. I was working, and drinking something, and listening to a cassette on my silver boombox. I was at like a workbench kind of thing, and it looked like a dinky basement workshop, but I have no idea what I was doing. I was called out, and the boss decided to close early. I asked if I could go get my stuff, and the boss was reluctant but eventually agreed. I went through the curtain and someone had "straightened up" my stuff and shut the light out. My drink had been poured out, and I was really disappointed about that, and I found the case for the cassette I was listening to on a shelf but never found the boombox or the tape itself. I knew the boss had done all this and I was upset. Then I woke up.
Lunchtime. I don't really want anything. Beans, hot dogs w/ mustard, shaped potatoes (not mashed enough to be mashed---the same ones as this morning but in a ball). I was right; the guard's an asshole.
Oh---I found out yesterday that we get 80 minutes of out time per day. The other 22 hours and 40 minutes we're in or on the bed. I discovered this was a variable concept, depending on which guard you talked to. The cool guard generally gave us about two hours a day. Others gave us half an hour per day.I never did find out what the actual rule was.
I'm nervous and cranky and still not feeling good. I want Mom to show; I want Dawn to show; I want everyone to go away for awhile and just leave me alone. I want to feel better. Days like this are going to be the hardest. And I have to do this like 60, 70 more times....
Mom came! :D She said next week Dawn and Danielle will come and she'd stay home. That's fine. The 20 minutes flew by, and then they kept me waiting nearly another 20 for someone to come get me to take me back. Ringuette is cranky today, too. Everybody's cranky. Wonder what's up. He just gave me a new store form. I hope Mom put more money on it. Lotion, deodorant and stamped envelopes take the price up to nearly $18, and I only had $10 left. Well, I did some trimming and brought it down to what I know I have, in case that's why the last one never showed.
Just had dinner. Not even sure what it was. Some kind of soup, I guess. With rice. And salt. I ate it anyway. I was hoping to read about the Oscars, but the guys took all of the newspaper. The only thing left are two ads.
Jerome didn't make it out. He owes money to another city, and they have to call to find out if they want to come get him. He was literally on his way out the door here when they called, so that had to bring him back in. Sucks.
My pen and paper are way too popular. Everyone wants to borrow the pen. Maybe I should've bought a second one. I absolutely hate parting with this one and everyone wants to use it for a long time. Call me selfish, but it's my only way to pass the time.... I was able to get another pen. That one's my new pen, the old one is a loaner. But it'll still be mine too. That should take care of things. Dunno why they don't just get the letter-writing kit like I did. $2.50 gets you pen and several sheets of paper...if it was that much. Cheap.
Lotion and books: I want those. I have 9 sheets left in this pad. Should've ordered more. Well, actually, I did, but took it off cuz I didn't know how much money I had. Nothing seems to last long. 50 sheets in a week. Tho I gave some away, like maybe 10. Nope, 8. The rest are accounted for. 50 sheets just don't go far in jail! Still, 30 sheets in a week. Wow. All for lack of something to do. LATER Now it's 5 sheets.
Ah. They had no stationery kits. Now they do. Leave me and my pens and paper in peace!
Whee! My undies are being laundered, I got a fresh towel, and I'll have a new uniform tomorrow! Woot! And somewhere along the way, I began feeling better. Hope my shopping comes tomorrow.
This is so frustrating. And I always say I'll ask for something for it, and I never do, cuz I kept thinking, "Tonight will be different." But it never is. The officer just came by. At least he asked if I was okay.
So many things I would've done differently at home had I known I was going to jail that afternoon....
07 Tuesday
Diane and Dad finally made it into my dreamscape marathon. They're both too long to tell, and I don't remember most of the details from the first one. They're my first two-parter, too. They both involved us being on the run from the Singles Police. Yep, being arrested for being single. We had to be extremely careful about what time we travelled, who saw us, etc. In the first one we were in a house preparing to leave, and in the second we were on the run, washing Dad's Jeep. At one point he was ragging me for the damage I'd done to his vehicle, yet when I called him on it to provide specifics, he could only come up with only one time I'd ever done any damage, and that was minor. Yep, Dad.
Oatmeal, scrambled eggs, bread, juice. Oh, god. But I'm getting oatmeal when everyone else is getting cereal. I'd just eat the bread but the put the butter on top of the oatmeal, and of course, it melted.
I think he just said we're on lockdown, too. I've learned that that usually means "We've got too much work to do to watch you, too."
Two ham sandwiches w/ mustard, Northern beans, carrots, two cookies, orangeade. WTF---did the cook suddenly die? Since the weekend meals have sucked.
So bored. Somewhen in the 3 o'clock hour. Still on lockdown. Right now even doing down the stairs to get my food tray would be a treat, but I don't even get that. I get what others might envy: front-door delivery. Shift change, so it's a little after 3. 3.30, actually. They have them running more than one unit, that's why we're locked down. Short-staffing.
Yay! Got my laundry and a new uniform! The other had better shape but I think this one might be more comfortable. But the crotch is almost at my knees! He said he'd see what the situation was with shopping given the lockdown. Apparently there's gonna be lots of cell-changes too. And I got a minute or two outside the cell---yay!
Yeah, I think the chef died. Meat patty, potatoes, green beans, thick bread. Deja vu all over again. Oh, and orangeade. The only new twist was the spiced apples. Been a few days for those.
I love the fire alarm here. Nobody moves.
I don't think I've ever slept this much before. Wish there was something to do. Geraldo is on, which means it's somewhere after 7.30 Nope, 6.30. And it was closer to 7; Geraldo just ended. if I remember right. I just woke up again. I remember having a dream, but I'm clueless what it was. All I've been doing all day is pacing and sleeping. I'm trying not to write much cuz I doh't have any paper left. Well, four sheets. That's not much. A letter is half of that. But it doesn't leave a lot for time-killing. Wish I had a book.
Wow. I've had at least 13 dreams since I've been in here, More dreams than nights! only two which I remember but didn't write down, and 1 which I suspect I had, about Dawn, but didn't record. Three feature Dawn. Two feature my father and sister, three feature me with people who aren't otherwise in my life, one has my mom, one John Jackman and one Doctor Who. I want to figure out what they mean. I wish I'd recorded more detail in the earlier ones, but I didn't know something so extraordinary was going to happen. I rarely dream at home. Night! Oh---about 10.15.
06 Monday
Fried eggs, cornbread, potatoes and oatmeal. Bleah.
For once, I'm not sure if I dreamed about Dawn or not. I had a dream earlier in the night and I woke up, but I was so tired and had had so much trouble getting to sleep that I said I would remember it and write it down in the morning. I've done it before. I lose some detail,m but the gist remains. But---tonight I had a second dream. I don't generally do that. So the first one's gone. The second one had me, more guy-like than usual, as a photographer shooting something, I don't know what, for my friend John Jackman and his boyfriend, who in this version wasn't French, named Pierre, or ex. But he was really shitty to John, who would then get snotty back. I'm not sure what their main thing was, but they painted their own background for it, and they would tear apart each other's work, esp. the boyfriend's about John. There was one where John had done a pretty landscape and a tawny horse, and it looked really good, and the bf started savaging it and told John to redo the sunflowers, which he felt were particularly bad. I said, "Oh, cuz the rest of it's so realistic and the sunflowers are a lot more fanciful?" And he said, "No, just because." And I said, pointed, and so John could hear, "Oh, because actually, I liked the other ones better and they fit what we're doing better." The bf stalked off and John happily repainted (more like re-coloured-chalked) the flowers like they had originally been. It all reminded me somehow of "Paradise Kiss." But I wish I could remember what that first dream had been.
I pulled that second letter for Dawn. I'm going to rewrite it with the idea of sending it to her in mind. I'm very tired. I figure it's taking me on the average of two hours to get tot sleep. I'm always up for shift change at 11, and generally up or only barely asleep at first rounds at midnight. Not good for going to bed at ten.
Apparently we went on lockdown during "Montel." Great. And my stomach's starting to hurt from all the damn eggs. I took two Rolaids. I wonder if they'll cancel visitation? Wonder if Mom will come?
The other officer left to take peeps to court, and his sub is a jerk. I want to ask about my shopping, but this guy just ignores everybody until he has to do rounds, and then he mostly ignores everybody. I gave him Dawn's old letter to mail and he looked like I'd just asked his daughter for a kiss. Piss on him. I hope lunch doesn't make me sick. I hope the cool guy comes back soon. I need to ask about laundry too.
I had another dream earlier too. I don't remember most of the details. I was working in some small place, and I was in a room off to the side, through one of those plastic curtains like loading docks use, except it was a people-sized door. The curtain was transparent but so beat up you couldn't see through it. I was working, and drinking something, and listening to a cassette on my silver boombox. I was at like a workbench kind of thing, and it looked like a dinky basement workshop, but I have no idea what I was doing. I was called out, and the boss decided to close early. I asked if I could go get my stuff, and the boss was reluctant but eventually agreed. I went through the curtain and someone had "straightened up" my stuff and shut the light out. My drink had been poured out, and I was really disappointed about that, and I found the case for the cassette I was listening to on a shelf but never found the boombox or the tape itself. I knew the boss had done all this and I was upset. Then I woke up.
Lunchtime. I don't really want anything. Beans, hot dogs w/ mustard, shaped potatoes (not mashed enough to be mashed---the same ones as this morning but in a ball). I was right; the guard's an asshole.
Oh---I found out yesterday that we get 80 minutes of out time per day. The other 22 hours and 40 minutes we're in or on the bed. I discovered this was a variable concept, depending on which guard you talked to. The cool guard generally gave us about two hours a day. Others gave us half an hour per day.I never did find out what the actual rule was.
I'm nervous and cranky and still not feeling good. I want Mom to show; I want Dawn to show; I want everyone to go away for awhile and just leave me alone. I want to feel better. Days like this are going to be the hardest. And I have to do this like 60, 70 more times....
Mom came! :D She said next week Dawn and Danielle will come and she'd stay home. That's fine. The 20 minutes flew by, and then they kept me waiting nearly another 20 for someone to come get me to take me back. Ringuette is cranky today, too. Everybody's cranky. Wonder what's up. He just gave me a new store form. I hope Mom put more money on it. Lotion, deodorant and stamped envelopes take the price up to nearly $18, and I only had $10 left. Well, I did some trimming and brought it down to what I know I have, in case that's why the last one never showed.
Just had dinner. Not even sure what it was. Some kind of soup, I guess. With rice. And salt. I ate it anyway. I was hoping to read about the Oscars, but the guys took all of the newspaper. The only thing left are two ads.
Jerome didn't make it out. He owes money to another city, and they have to call to find out if they want to come get him. He was literally on his way out the door here when they called, so that had to bring him back in. Sucks.
My pen and paper are way too popular. Everyone wants to borrow the pen. Maybe I should've bought a second one. I absolutely hate parting with this one and everyone wants to use it for a long time. Call me selfish, but it's my only way to pass the time.... I was able to get another pen. That one's my new pen, the old one is a loaner. But it'll still be mine too. That should take care of things. Dunno why they don't just get the letter-writing kit like I did. $2.50 gets you pen and several sheets of paper...if it was that much. Cheap.
Lotion and books: I want those. I have 9 sheets left in this pad. Should've ordered more. Well, actually, I did, but took it off cuz I didn't know how much money I had. Nothing seems to last long. 50 sheets in a week. Tho I gave some away, like maybe 10. Nope, 8. The rest are accounted for. 50 sheets just don't go far in jail! Still, 30 sheets in a week. Wow. All for lack of something to do. LATER Now it's 5 sheets.
Ah. They had no stationery kits. Now they do. Leave me and my pens and paper in peace!
Whee! My undies are being laundered, I got a fresh towel, and I'll have a new uniform tomorrow! Woot! And somewhere along the way, I began feeling better. Hope my shopping comes tomorrow.
This is so frustrating. And I always say I'll ask for something for it, and I never do, cuz I kept thinking, "Tonight will be different." But it never is. The officer just came by. At least he asked if I was okay.
So many things I would've done differently at home had I known I was going to jail that afternoon....
07 Tuesday
Diane and Dad finally made it into my dreamscape marathon. They're both too long to tell, and I don't remember most of the details from the first one. They're my first two-parter, too. They both involved us being on the run from the Singles Police. Yep, being arrested for being single. We had to be extremely careful about what time we travelled, who saw us, etc. In the first one we were in a house preparing to leave, and in the second we were on the run, washing Dad's Jeep. At one point he was ragging me for the damage I'd done to his vehicle, yet when I called him on it to provide specifics, he could only come up with only one time I'd ever done any damage, and that was minor. Yep, Dad.
Oatmeal, scrambled eggs, bread, juice. Oh, god. But I'm getting oatmeal when everyone else is getting cereal. I'd just eat the bread but the put the butter on top of the oatmeal, and of course, it melted.
I think he just said we're on lockdown, too. I've learned that that usually means "We've got too much work to do to watch you, too."
Two ham sandwiches w/ mustard, Northern beans, carrots, two cookies, orangeade. WTF---did the cook suddenly die? Since the weekend meals have sucked.
So bored. Somewhen in the 3 o'clock hour. Still on lockdown. Right now even doing down the stairs to get my food tray would be a treat, but I don't even get that. I get what others might envy: front-door delivery. Shift change, so it's a little after 3. 3.30, actually. They have them running more than one unit, that's why we're locked down. Short-staffing.
Yay! Got my laundry and a new uniform! The other had better shape but I think this one might be more comfortable. But the crotch is almost at my knees! He said he'd see what the situation was with shopping given the lockdown. Apparently there's gonna be lots of cell-changes too. And I got a minute or two outside the cell---yay!
Yeah, I think the chef died. Meat patty, potatoes, green beans, thick bread. Deja vu all over again. Oh, and orangeade. The only new twist was the spiced apples. Been a few days for those.
I love the fire alarm here. Nobody moves.
I don't think I've ever slept this much before. Wish there was something to do. Geraldo is on, which means it's somewhere after 7.30 Nope, 6.30. And it was closer to 7; Geraldo just ended. if I remember right. I just woke up again. I remember having a dream, but I'm clueless what it was. All I've been doing all day is pacing and sleeping. I'm trying not to write much cuz I doh't have any paper left. Well, four sheets. That's not much. A letter is half of that. But it doesn't leave a lot for time-killing. Wish I had a book.
Wow. I've had at least 13 dreams since I've been in here, More dreams than nights! only two which I remember but didn't write down, and 1 which I suspect I had, about Dawn, but didn't record. Three feature Dawn. Two feature my father and sister, three feature me with people who aren't otherwise in my life, one has my mom, one John Jackman and one Doctor Who. I want to figure out what they mean. I wish I'd recorded more detail in the earlier ones, but I didn't know something so extraordinary was going to happen. I rarely dream at home. Night! Oh---about 10.15.