(no subject)
ok... so here we are again. I'm so very sick of Lawson problems. I'm tired of being yelled at. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired or up and down emotions. I can't handle this relationship and frankly i'm not sure who could. I've tried being so very patient with him but it just doesn't seem to be working. I love him so much but now i def know the meaning of sometimes love just isn't enough. I'm not happy and i'm dont see this relationship going in a good direction. I've liked him for so long and spent so much time imagining what it would be like to date him that now everything is very anticlimactic. I guess i just imagined our friendship but better. Only it is very different. Our relationship is not fun anymore at all. I love to laugh but every time i laugh around him i'm in trouble for laughing at him... he's incredibly touchy and insensitive all at the same time. He cares about his own feelings way too much and no one else’s. He refuses to lighten up or to consider anyone else’s feelings. I've all but decided to break up with him but i'm worried. I'm worried he will hate me and i'm not sure i can stand that. I care about him so much but all i ever hear from him is that i'm disrespectful and dont care about his feelings. Yet he called me a bitch to my best friend today.
ok so all that is now out of date because the shit hit the fan...
boxxer: hey
Noelle2310: yes?
boxxer: what's up
Noelle2310: i'm writing
boxxer: how's your paper
Noelle2310: fine
boxxer: your away message was gone i thought you were back
Noelle2310: oh
Noelle2310: you called me a bitch to tricia
boxxer: no, i said you were acting like one
Noelle2310: never involve my friends in one of our problems ever again
boxxer: you might want to think about that
Noelle2310: you did it intentionally
Noelle2310: you IMed her to talk about it specifically
boxxer: maybe because i wanted you to know how i felt
Noelle2310: then maybe you should have told me
boxxer: well maybe it isn't that easy
Noelle2310: nothing is ever easy with you
boxxer: i was very upset last night, i was really uncomfortable with that guy
boxxer: and its not easy to just tell you
Noelle2310: you have no reason to be uncomfortable around him
Noelle2310: he's been friends with tricia for years
Noelle2310: and one of mine for a while too
Noelle2310: and the things you said to me in the car were totally uncalled for
boxxer: oh bullshit
boxxer: don't tell me what is called for
boxxer: in fact don't tell me to do or say anything
Noelle2310: i want to break up
Noelle2310: i dont think we're in a good relationship
boxxer: you act like you never wanted to be together
Noelle2310: i dont think either of us are happy
Noelle2310: no that’s not true at all
Noelle2310: i wanted to date you for four years and you know it
Noelle2310: its just not how i thought it was going to be
Noelle2310: are you actually happy with the way things are between us?
boxxer: no, i wish you didn't resent me and talk down to me
boxxer: i try really hard to make you happy and you just resent me for everything i do
Noelle2310: look we just aren't compatible i guess because i dont feel like you ever try to make me happy
Noelle2310: i'm trying to remember the last time i thought oh man... Lawson’s really sweet to me
boxxer: i hold you and try to kiss you and take you out and call you and tons of stuff
boxxer: and you just assume i'm using you or something
Noelle2310: so anyway none of this is answering my question
Noelle2310: are you happy with me?
boxxer: sometimes
Noelle2310: when?
boxxer: when you aren't talking down to me
boxxer: or insulting me
Noelle2310: ok..
boxxer: or being a hipocrit
Noelle2310: ok listen
Noelle2310: i'm sorry but i'm not happy
Noelle2310: the last thing in the world i want to do is hurt you
boxxer: no shit
Noelle2310: yet i feel like i do it all the time
boxxer: uh okay
Noelle2310: and its unintentionally
Noelle2310: and i feel like you hurt my feelings and do stupid shit all the time
Noelle2310: and refuse to own up to any of it
boxxer: all your critizisms of me are things about you
Noelle2310: no lawson
boxxer: yes amanda
Noelle2310: you're down all the time
Noelle2310: you're never happy
Noelle2310: you never laugh about anything with me
boxxer: look who's talking once again
Noelle2310: everything is way too serious
boxxer: that's you, you're discribing you
Noelle2310: you're pessimistic about everything
boxxer: i joke all the time
boxxer: just because i don't like being tickled or laughed at for jerking off doesn't make me too serious
Noelle2310: no actually its not me i'm describing and if you want to ask tricia about that too go ahead she will have no problem telling you how i am when you aren't around
Noelle2310: lawson what the hell was i supposed to do
boxxer: good to know you're so different behind my back
Noelle2310: i walked in on an awkward situation
Noelle2310: i found the humor in it
boxxer: and you yelled it out and laughed and got mad at me for feeling embarrassed
boxxer: then had the nerver to act like a victim
Noelle2310: i could have been a bitch gotten pissed off that you were watching porn and jerking off but i thought it was funny
boxxer: no you could've not been a bitch
Noelle2310: I HATE THis
Noelle2310: its over
boxxer: fine
Noelle2310: and i'm not fighting anymore
boxxer: your wish is granted
Noelle2310: i'm tired of it
Noelle2310: i wish things could just go back to last summer
boxxer: be sure to change your facebook
boxxer: hahah
boxxer: how dare you say that shit
boxxer: how the fuck dare you
boxxer: where the fuck do you get off
boxxer: last summer?
boxxer: are you shitting me, you've given me so much shit for how things were last summer
Noelle2310: yeah well you didn't pick fights with me all the damn time
Noelle2310: and you actually went out and had some fun
boxxer: you stormed out of my house at least three times
boxxer: and cried
boxxer: and bitched about it all the time later
Noelle2310: look lawson we didn't hate each other last summer and i feel like you hate me right now
boxxer: you said i was just using you for sex
Noelle2310: i just wish things were more laid back
Noelle2310: and not sooooo uptight with you
boxxer: that's up to you learning how to treat your boyfriends
Noelle2310: i've never had a complaint before
boxxer: and living up to own words about treating other how you want to be treated
boxxer: im sure you haven't
boxxer: how could anything be wrong with you
Noelle2310: look there is plenty wrong with me
Noelle2310: and i realize that
boxxer: no you don't
Noelle2310: you seem to have a problem admitting when you're wrong
boxxer: that's total bullshit
Noelle2310: or that anything could possibly be wrong with you
boxxer: once again that's a problem you have
Noelle2310: everything is always your way
boxxer: that's a complete crock of shit
Noelle2310: see i can't even have an opinion... i must be wrong all the time...
boxxer: you're just making stuff up
Noelle2310: hahah alright
boxxer: you're wrong now
Noelle2310: ok
boxxer: everything you say about me is somethign with you
boxxer: its not that i can never be wrong, its that you have to always be right
boxxer: see?
Noelle2310: no
Noelle2310: not at all
Noelle2310: i wish i were wrong
boxxer: see, you can't be wrong
Noelle2310: then i wouldn't feel like crap for apologizing all the time when i shouldn't be
boxxer: i admitt to being wrong, i apologize
Noelle2310: WHOA
Noelle2310: you say you're sorry
Noelle2310: the only time you ever say you're sorry is when i wont come with you
boxxer: what do you want, a song
boxxer: fuck that and fuck you
Noelle2310: and then even after you say that you're sorry you go telling my friends that i was acting like a bitch
boxxer: i told you i was sorry earlier today
Noelle2310: can we please stop fighting
Noelle2310: just for once
Noelle2310: please just stop
boxxer: you can't handle it
Noelle2310: i want to have a normal conversation
Noelle2310: i want to be civil and not mad at each other
Noelle2310: i miss you
Noelle2310: cause we have done nothing but fight forever
boxxer: i thought you hated this and wanted to break up
Noelle2310: i feel like i haven't seen you in forever
boxxer: i have to stick up for myself
Noelle2310: ok
boxxer: you're the one avoiding me
boxxer: you didn't want to sleep over last night
Noelle2310: cause we get in fights all the damn time
boxxer: what you call a fight i call you getting mad at me
Noelle2310: cause you would never do anything to deserve me getting upset with you
boxxer: whats the worst thing i do, get distracted on the phone
Noelle2310: no lawson
boxxer: make dirty jokes
Noelle2310: you ask me right in front of my friend if i plan to go home with him
boxxer: you were acting that way
Noelle2310: no i was no!
Noelle2310: not!
boxxer: what the hell was i supposed to think
Noelle2310: you've got to be kidding
boxxer: you're talking to this guy at the bar and he asked to go home with you and you say yes
Noelle2310: because i was talking to my friend who just got back from Greece so i haven't seen him in a month
Noelle2310: no he didn't ask to go home with me
boxxer: well since you weren't talking to me its hard to know that
Noelle2310: tricia offered for him to come along for the ride to get her car from her house
Noelle2310: i went to her house and went to bed while she and reade went back out
Noelle2310: he was just along for the ride
Noelle2310: i tried to explain that to you but you wouldn't listen to me
boxxer: whatever, the only thing you said to me all night was, "unnessesary comment number two."
Noelle2310: haha
Noelle2310: of course thats the only thing
boxxer: is that funny for you
Noelle2310: i think its ridiculous that you pretend like i didn't say a word to you
boxxer: you did that thing where you look at tricia and laugh like i'm a retard
Noelle2310: excuse me
Noelle2310: i never did that
boxxer: every time you do it
Noelle2310: when did i do that?
Noelle2310: what were we laughing about?
boxxer: you did it at broncos the other night as well
boxxer: everytime we go out
Noelle2310: i seriously have no clue what you're talking about
boxxer: of coarse you don't
Noelle2310: haha alright
boxxer: fuck you
Noelle2310: please stop saying that
Noelle2310: can we just stop fighting
Noelle2310: please
Noelle2310: i'm soo tired
Noelle2310: i really really really just want to be happy and get along
Noelle2310: ok...
Noelle2310: i'm going to bed
Noelle2310: can i please call you tomorrow?
Noelle2310: i will assume that that is a yes..
Noelle2310: good night
ok so all that is now out of date because the shit hit the fan...
boxxer: hey
Noelle2310: yes?
boxxer: what's up
Noelle2310: i'm writing
boxxer: how's your paper
Noelle2310: fine
boxxer: your away message was gone i thought you were back
Noelle2310: oh
Noelle2310: you called me a bitch to tricia
boxxer: no, i said you were acting like one
Noelle2310: never involve my friends in one of our problems ever again
boxxer: you might want to think about that
Noelle2310: you did it intentionally
Noelle2310: you IMed her to talk about it specifically
boxxer: maybe because i wanted you to know how i felt
Noelle2310: then maybe you should have told me
boxxer: well maybe it isn't that easy
Noelle2310: nothing is ever easy with you
boxxer: i was very upset last night, i was really uncomfortable with that guy
boxxer: and its not easy to just tell you
Noelle2310: you have no reason to be uncomfortable around him
Noelle2310: he's been friends with tricia for years
Noelle2310: and one of mine for a while too
Noelle2310: and the things you said to me in the car were totally uncalled for
boxxer: oh bullshit
boxxer: don't tell me what is called for
boxxer: in fact don't tell me to do or say anything
Noelle2310: i want to break up
Noelle2310: i dont think we're in a good relationship
boxxer: you act like you never wanted to be together
Noelle2310: i dont think either of us are happy
Noelle2310: no that’s not true at all
Noelle2310: i wanted to date you for four years and you know it
Noelle2310: its just not how i thought it was going to be
Noelle2310: are you actually happy with the way things are between us?
boxxer: no, i wish you didn't resent me and talk down to me
boxxer: i try really hard to make you happy and you just resent me for everything i do
Noelle2310: look we just aren't compatible i guess because i dont feel like you ever try to make me happy
Noelle2310: i'm trying to remember the last time i thought oh man... Lawson’s really sweet to me
boxxer: i hold you and try to kiss you and take you out and call you and tons of stuff
boxxer: and you just assume i'm using you or something
Noelle2310: so anyway none of this is answering my question
Noelle2310: are you happy with me?
boxxer: sometimes
Noelle2310: when?
boxxer: when you aren't talking down to me
boxxer: or insulting me
Noelle2310: ok..
boxxer: or being a hipocrit
Noelle2310: ok listen
Noelle2310: i'm sorry but i'm not happy
Noelle2310: the last thing in the world i want to do is hurt you
boxxer: no shit
Noelle2310: yet i feel like i do it all the time
boxxer: uh okay
Noelle2310: and its unintentionally
Noelle2310: and i feel like you hurt my feelings and do stupid shit all the time
Noelle2310: and refuse to own up to any of it
boxxer: all your critizisms of me are things about you
Noelle2310: no lawson
boxxer: yes amanda
Noelle2310: you're down all the time
Noelle2310: you're never happy
Noelle2310: you never laugh about anything with me
boxxer: look who's talking once again
Noelle2310: everything is way too serious
boxxer: that's you, you're discribing you
Noelle2310: you're pessimistic about everything
boxxer: i joke all the time
boxxer: just because i don't like being tickled or laughed at for jerking off doesn't make me too serious
Noelle2310: no actually its not me i'm describing and if you want to ask tricia about that too go ahead she will have no problem telling you how i am when you aren't around
Noelle2310: lawson what the hell was i supposed to do
boxxer: good to know you're so different behind my back
Noelle2310: i walked in on an awkward situation
Noelle2310: i found the humor in it
boxxer: and you yelled it out and laughed and got mad at me for feeling embarrassed
boxxer: then had the nerver to act like a victim
Noelle2310: i could have been a bitch gotten pissed off that you were watching porn and jerking off but i thought it was funny
boxxer: no you could've not been a bitch
Noelle2310: I HATE THis
Noelle2310: its over
boxxer: fine
Noelle2310: and i'm not fighting anymore
boxxer: your wish is granted
Noelle2310: i'm tired of it
Noelle2310: i wish things could just go back to last summer
boxxer: be sure to change your facebook
boxxer: hahah
boxxer: how dare you say that shit
boxxer: how the fuck dare you
boxxer: where the fuck do you get off
boxxer: last summer?
boxxer: are you shitting me, you've given me so much shit for how things were last summer
Noelle2310: yeah well you didn't pick fights with me all the damn time
Noelle2310: and you actually went out and had some fun
boxxer: you stormed out of my house at least three times
boxxer: and cried
boxxer: and bitched about it all the time later
Noelle2310: look lawson we didn't hate each other last summer and i feel like you hate me right now
boxxer: you said i was just using you for sex
Noelle2310: i just wish things were more laid back
Noelle2310: and not sooooo uptight with you
boxxer: that's up to you learning how to treat your boyfriends
Noelle2310: i've never had a complaint before
boxxer: and living up to own words about treating other how you want to be treated
boxxer: im sure you haven't
boxxer: how could anything be wrong with you
Noelle2310: look there is plenty wrong with me
Noelle2310: and i realize that
boxxer: no you don't
Noelle2310: you seem to have a problem admitting when you're wrong
boxxer: that's total bullshit
Noelle2310: or that anything could possibly be wrong with you
boxxer: once again that's a problem you have
Noelle2310: everything is always your way
boxxer: that's a complete crock of shit
Noelle2310: see i can't even have an opinion... i must be wrong all the time...
boxxer: you're just making stuff up
Noelle2310: hahah alright
boxxer: you're wrong now
Noelle2310: ok
boxxer: everything you say about me is somethign with you
boxxer: its not that i can never be wrong, its that you have to always be right
boxxer: see?
Noelle2310: no
Noelle2310: not at all
Noelle2310: i wish i were wrong
boxxer: see, you can't be wrong
Noelle2310: then i wouldn't feel like crap for apologizing all the time when i shouldn't be
boxxer: i admitt to being wrong, i apologize
Noelle2310: WHOA
Noelle2310: you say you're sorry
Noelle2310: the only time you ever say you're sorry is when i wont come with you
boxxer: what do you want, a song
boxxer: fuck that and fuck you
Noelle2310: and then even after you say that you're sorry you go telling my friends that i was acting like a bitch
boxxer: i told you i was sorry earlier today
Noelle2310: can we please stop fighting
Noelle2310: just for once
Noelle2310: please just stop
boxxer: you can't handle it
Noelle2310: i want to have a normal conversation
Noelle2310: i want to be civil and not mad at each other
Noelle2310: i miss you
Noelle2310: cause we have done nothing but fight forever
boxxer: i thought you hated this and wanted to break up
Noelle2310: i feel like i haven't seen you in forever
boxxer: i have to stick up for myself
Noelle2310: ok
boxxer: you're the one avoiding me
boxxer: you didn't want to sleep over last night
Noelle2310: cause we get in fights all the damn time
boxxer: what you call a fight i call you getting mad at me
Noelle2310: cause you would never do anything to deserve me getting upset with you
boxxer: whats the worst thing i do, get distracted on the phone
Noelle2310: no lawson
boxxer: make dirty jokes
Noelle2310: you ask me right in front of my friend if i plan to go home with him
boxxer: you were acting that way
Noelle2310: no i was no!
Noelle2310: not!
boxxer: what the hell was i supposed to think
Noelle2310: you've got to be kidding
boxxer: you're talking to this guy at the bar and he asked to go home with you and you say yes
Noelle2310: because i was talking to my friend who just got back from Greece so i haven't seen him in a month
Noelle2310: no he didn't ask to go home with me
boxxer: well since you weren't talking to me its hard to know that
Noelle2310: tricia offered for him to come along for the ride to get her car from her house
Noelle2310: i went to her house and went to bed while she and reade went back out
Noelle2310: he was just along for the ride
Noelle2310: i tried to explain that to you but you wouldn't listen to me
boxxer: whatever, the only thing you said to me all night was, "unnessesary comment number two."
Noelle2310: haha
Noelle2310: of course thats the only thing
boxxer: is that funny for you
Noelle2310: i think its ridiculous that you pretend like i didn't say a word to you
boxxer: you did that thing where you look at tricia and laugh like i'm a retard
Noelle2310: excuse me
Noelle2310: i never did that
boxxer: every time you do it
Noelle2310: when did i do that?
Noelle2310: what were we laughing about?
boxxer: you did it at broncos the other night as well
boxxer: everytime we go out
Noelle2310: i seriously have no clue what you're talking about
boxxer: of coarse you don't
Noelle2310: haha alright
boxxer: fuck you
Noelle2310: please stop saying that
Noelle2310: can we just stop fighting
Noelle2310: please
Noelle2310: i'm soo tired
Noelle2310: i really really really just want to be happy and get along
Noelle2310: ok...
Noelle2310: i'm going to bed
Noelle2310: can i please call you tomorrow?
Noelle2310: i will assume that that is a yes..
Noelle2310: good night