My two loooooooves <3
Title: With the Sun (Ch 1?)
Author: anoukinparis
Pairing: YunJae/YooSu (minor)
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: PG-13/R
Summary: Just before a horrible accident, Junsu and Yoochun decided to adopt a little girl. Now she is left in Jaejoong's care, who tries to deal with the loss of his friends, the arrival of someone else in his life, and the possibility of a second chance with Yunho. But love has a way of doing lots of strange things.
A/N: Dude, wtf. I get stuck with writer's block, was told to write some YunJae bondage smut, and here I am attempting to do another angsty chapter fic. Ajhjhsjahsakj I'm a happy person, I swear! ^o^ This idea struck me a loooong time ago, so I decided to finish the part I had started before and post it on here to..see what happens? I blame YunJae. -points- They inspire me in strange ways.
OH AND BTW. I've missed all my f-list people. D: One of my resolutions this year is to actually get to know you guys, since school kept me busy for most of 2008. I'm such a good student :3 -youtubing yunjae like a mad woman- So yay for a fresh new year filled with boundless opportunities! ^^
And as always always always, comments are loved~ <3
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The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.
~
The news came with the sun. A bright, clear Friday afternoon.
Some time before lunch when the telephone rang and Jaejoong shouted he'd be there in a second even though he knew no one was there to hear him. Fingers curling around the old cord, confusion that someone wouldn't be calling his cell. He hated the crackling paint of the one that came with the apartment, how heavy it felt in his grasp.
The voice had been flat and unfamiliar. It asked his name. It asked if he had any sort of relationship with names that were all too familiar.
It asked him if he would like to tell the others himself.
And then Jaejoong's fingers gripped the cord, twisting it until he wasn't even sure if he could hear what the voice was saying anymore. The oven's cranky timer buzzed throughout the kitchen, and for the first time in a month there was no startled jump. Just forced attempts to breathe.
“Mr. Kim?”
“Yes.” Jae clipped the word so he wouldn't choke on it. “Yes. I'll...I'll tell them.”
The line went dead. The phone clattered to the floor.
Jaejoong didn't even realize.
~
“Yunho...it's..it's me. I just got off the phone with Changmin a few minutes ago and...obviously you're not there. I've been calling all day. I just...I know it's been a while. God, I don't know how to say this in a message. I can't...they got in an accident. About an hour ago, downtown...they were just...they were going to pick up Ae Cha...I have to bring her back to my apartment now because...they're..I can't even say it. Junsu and Yoochun. There's not even...you have to call me once you get this. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. But they put me down as her...Yunho, I need you here. Please, just call me back.”
~
Jaejoong was careful not to hold her too tight. She seemed so fragile. So small. Inquisitive eyes that stared up at him, and they were Junsu's eyes. That was his light.
The way she reached stubbornly at Jaejoong's cheek, pushing at the sudden dampness with her fingers. He felt Yoochun's touch. Always brimmed with too much concern.
She was theirs. She belonged to them.
And they belonged here, living, breathing, laughing, taking their daughter back home so Jaejoong wouldn't have to stand here and mask just how readily he could break. How much he wanted to break. Crumple, fall in on himself, erase the memory of ever getting that call in the first place.
That message had been so fucked up. They weren't gone. They weren't missing. It wasn't an act of disappearing but his tongue felt like a pretzel and his throat screamed raw and silent, refusing to actually say it. He didn't want to say it.
Because they were a part of his everything.
And she was their girl. Their everything.
Now she was in Jaejoong's arms, feet swinging lightly along his sides, her shoes having fallen off some time ago. It was a distant thing to him. His eyes looked on, watching but not seeing. Wanted to break so badly. But she didn't understand. Had to hold her. But he could barely keep himself standing.
Ae cha's little hands remained at Jaejoong's cheeks, tapping each tear curiously as they escaped. Tap. Tap.
“Where's Daddy?”
Pain that felt like fire. She sounded like both of them.
The only thing that felt remotely close was the pot of noodles sitting in the kitchen. Forgotten, cold. Hard to believe he had cooked them four hours ago, not four years ago. Couldn't even remember what he was thinking before the call. It was...
“Are you hungry?” Jaejoong asked, blinking back any more tears. His stomach twisted when he smiled at her, hands trembling when they smoothed down her neat braid. A braid he was sure Yoochun had bravely constructed, perfected after many failed attempts. Not now. Can't. “Let's get you something to eat, okay?”
There wasn't any resistance. Only arms looping around his neck, shifting to get closer, and that time Jaejoong didn't worry about holding her too tight.
Couldn't say it.
~
When Yunho knocked on the door it was well past midnight. Came with a hiding moon and a deep chill settled in his jacket as he stood shivering on the steps. Knocked harder. Too urgent to wait.
He didn't bother to call. He knew he should have. Knew Jaejoong probably waited all day, sending relentless glances to the phone, mind tripping over every possibility why it wasn't ringing. But Yunho was just as lost. He wouldn't have been able to scratch out a word much less a sentence. The only thing that felt right after coming home to a message like that was to rush right back out the door and drive down the streets he never expected to see again in a very long time, to a house he never expected to visit for even longer.
But they put me down as her...Yunho, I need you here.
Hands pounded against the door, desperate, and it took another full two minutes before Yunho heard any movement from inside. The soft click of light. And then the door pulled open, a lingering creak that sounded very much like how Yunho's heart felt, pausing, cracking at the expression on Jaejoong's face right then.
He opened his mouth. But there weren't any words. Still.
Mustering his feet up the last step and Yunho's body was ten times heavier then it was just a second ago. Just a hand's reach away from Jaejoong's shoulder when the older male abruptly turned, padding down the hallway in soundless, frog-eyed slippers.
“She's sleeping. You have to be quiet.”
It was less a whisper than a dry wisp of what Jaejoong's voice actually sounded like. Yunho didn't recognize it. He didn't recognize the stiffness in the slope of those shoulders or the way Jaejoong wouldn't meet his gaze. The strange distance. And he knew. Knew the truth right then and there.
Yunho pressed his hand flat to the wall.
“They're dead.”
They filled the emptiness too fast, too harsh. Ghosting in Jaejoong's ear and stealing every breath of air in his sunken chest. Biting places inside of him he didn't even know existed. Two short words, and ignoring them only made them pierce that much deeper. He shown have known. Shown have known better to outrun something that would always be one step ahead.
Two seconds to turn around. Another five to rush to Yunho's side before he collapsed on the wall. Hand grasping hand, and Yunho's choked sobs filled Jaejoong's ear along with those short words.
“They're dead, aren't they?”
While Ae cha remained snuggled in old blankets on top of the couch in the living room, sound asleep, one yellow sock on, Jaejoong sunk to the floor with a breaking Yunho. So blissfully unaware. And Jaejoong couldn't help but hope it would stay that way for as long as possible.
He couldn't muster the empty words. (It's okay.) No. (Everything will be okay.) No.
“They're dead,” Jaejoong mouthed into Yunho's hair, fear gripping him still even though it was the most ridiculous thing to feel in this situation. Illogical, but what waslogical anymore? His whole body reeled as if he had actually spoken the words aloud, and nothing was making sense.
Yunho's hair felt damp.
I need you here.
He needed for things to be right again. Impossibly right again.
Fifty three minutes to realize that Yunho had fallen asleep. Strange, muffled cries still pulling into the silence every now and again. Jae couldn't even question it. Just stared ahead at the smooth white of the wall and mouthed the words over and over to himself, memories overflowing all at once, as if afraid those would soon fade along with them.
~
“That's not funny, those are her favorite pair!”
Yoochun gave a few inquisitive blinks to the little girl plopped in his lap, eyes wide and startled. Two matching yellow socks hung from his ears and he tugged on one thoughtfully.
“Is Junsu yelling at me?”
“She's going to think that's how you really wear them, you know.”
“Is Daddy yelling at me?”
Shaking his head this time so the socks would flop against his cheeks and the little girl brightened with laughter, reaching up with eager fingers. Yoochun grinned at the fruitless attempts, holding a single finger up to his lips as if conspiring with her about something critically important.
He was all about the dramatic pauses. “Don't tell Daddy he's being somewhat of an ass,” Yoochun whispered.
“What the hell, Yoochun, you can't curse around her!” Junsu cried in despair, trying to pull the girl away. She was still reaching for the socks.
Laughter again, only this time a deeper shade, and three times over as Changmin clutched the back of Jaejoong's shoulder for support. Yunho not even attempting to mask his amusement as he walked out of the small kitchen, snatching the socks off of Yoochun's face and handing them back to the little girl. He felt bad, after all.
“You two are ridiculous,” he confirmed with a shake of the head. “You've only had her for a few months, right?”
“Guess parenting just comes naturally,” Yoochun shot another grin to Junsu, who was trying very hard to ignore anything in that general direction.
The bickering continued but Yunho simply tuned them out, struck for a few uncomfortable moments by Yoochun's answer. Not so much the answer itself but the breezy manner in which he said it, so carefree, and it sparked something in his chest that shouldn't have been there. He didn't want to be anything but happy for the two.
Jaejoong's eyes were on him and for a split second their gazes crossed paths. Just one half smile from the other and Yunho knew he had seen the flicker of jealousy. Yunho averted his eyes again.
“Well. I think you two are lucky to have her.”
Jaejoong turned his attention back to the pair-plus-one sitting on his couch, the distraction coming all too easily in the form of a little girl in a messy braid and a too big dress. (She's just so little! Junsu tried explaining.)
“She's adorable.”
Her name was Ae cha. She couldn't even walk and yet she had already managed to crawl her way right from the adoption agency into Junsu and Yoochun's hearts. Perhaps it couldn't have been helped. Love had a way of doing that.
Love had a way of doing lots of strange things.
Jaejoong had never questioned their emotions. Could never have brought himself to judge his friends for their decision to move in together, get married, raise a child when he couldn't even keep a decent grasp on his own desires.
Three weeks later, on the same night they decided to sign Ae Cha up for dance classes at a little place downtown, Jaejoong had kissed someone out of that unstable emotion. It had burst out because he couldn't take it anymore, couldn't take the looks and the years of constantly wondering.
He and Yunho never brought it up again.