omg

[anothrgdnytkiss]

its weird how when something that u think will ruin ur life happens it doesnt. Last night me and erich fought and then i broke it of with one of my "best friends" and everything seemed to be lost and then i woke up this morning...... happier. its hard to explain, i fell asleep crying and woke up smiling. I guess the whole incident made me realize who my true friends were. Last night a "friend" of mine fouund out about the fight and all he wanted to do is get to the bottom of it and figure things out, thats it. On the other hand when my real friends (evie, ashley, ecct) found out that he layed a hand on me all they did was try to comfort me (not that i needed it, im a big girl) and all they wanted was revenge. they didnt ask why it happened or how, they didnt care. all that mattered to them was that he touched me, that was enough. But for others, they didnt care that i was physically harmed by a male, they just wanted to kno who started it, they wanted to feel bad for erich, which is beyond me, when the fight was over my friend. They yelled and shunned me and found a reason to hate me, they outkasted me and toyed with my emotions, they told me they cared and then pushed me out, they made me believe they were with me when they were really just trying to run away from me. but its all over and im a better person for it, ive relized i cant trust anyone, ive relized that no matter how nice or caring a person may appear you can never know what is on the inside. you never know how evil a person is until you say "i love you". you never kno how shallow a person is until you make love to them. I have relized that everyone has issues and i cant take everyones issues on. Im not saying that i dont have issues, because i do, a vast sumn of security issues actually. but those were caused by someone elses trust issues, which was caused by someone elses security issues. Its a vicous cycle, that i plan to break. Im not goin to let anyone hurt me again, EVER i will never let anyone come close to me, atleast not close enopugh to inflict issues. Another thing this ordeal has made me relize is that I shouldnt ever put anyone above me. In the past I have always made it a point to make the otyher person happy and put them on the highest pedistal, motive: When u show someone just how happy you can make them they always try to keep you around. so no more favors and no more pain, for once i want to be put on a pedistal and I want to be pampered and I want to be loved for me and not what I can offer them, I deserve it, i deserve a descent man.

So erich and nameless thank you for showing me these things, you have helped me learn some of lifes lesson, you have helped me grow, you have helped me mature, u have helped me in my path to self destruction and at the same time I just may make something of myself on the way there, so thank you from he bottom of my heavy heart.

Love
Christel

by the way listen to the song is for nameless and all the girls i kno you lied to me about, ae u kno who (not the girl i kno about, the second girl) http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/takingbacksunday/cutewithouttheecutfromtheteam.html = lyrics to the song if u dont wanna downlaod the song