...how long has it been?
Okay, so I'm going to try to update with a very meaningful and heartfelt post. Okay, that was all I could muster.
Not that anyone cares.
I have strep throat, which means getting out of a few days of school...not many complaints about that.
I've been thinking a lot today... I decided that this lj has way too much that's tied along with it. I'm thinking of getting a new one.
I've also been thinking a lot about friends. You know all those people who promised to keep in touch? Promised they'd write letters? Promised they'd visit or call? And how I told a very select few of you that I knew they wouldn't.
I find it funny that through all of the convincing words I got and uplifting things everyone said, I still haven't gotten more than 10 people to call. I've been gone for almost exactly 2 months. I just thought that was strange.
Even people that were really good friends of mine, I could name a few people who don't bother reading this now. And that doesn't really bother me really, it's the fact that they told me that they cared. The fact that even when I need them most, they still didn't care enough.
Who cares anymore. Right?
I hated the concept of leaving. I hated everything about it. And yet I've realized two very important things:
I know who my friends are, and I have a weaker strength of self than I thought that I had.
Life's a bitch sometimes. But I have to keep faith in myself and what I believe. I have to let what I have be number one, or else I will always dwell on the past.
Who knows, maybe I will be back for the second semester of senior year, I have the choice. But do I really want to go back to what I had, knowing what I'd be giving up?
*edit*
Okay, so I have a lot more things to rant about than I originally thought, and I may disable comments on this entry because I'm not sure if I want people to be leaving me comments about things in here.
I hate missing people who either a) don't miss me, or b) are really close by, or c) I shouldn't be missing in the first place.
I hate moving on from things that were supposedly going to be "forever" but were broken due to moving, space, or lack of motivation (I don't know if that's the right word).
I'm looking at what I have here, and though I hate to say it, I am somewhat happy. I've stopped being so freaking depressed, mostly, and I'm actually working on not living on my computer anymore.
I am tired of trying to be something I am not to appease the crowd. I am going to start living my life the way I want it to be lived. I don't always know how that is...but...whatever, it will come in time.
I'm debating on whether or not to move back to WA after high school. or during it.
My dad and I were talking about moving back for all of senior year, maybe I could take up Sarah Charleston's offer. He said no and I said "well, I am going back for college." He looked at the floor for a second and then mumbled "you'll be 18, a legal adult, and it will be your choice." I sat there for a moment and then said "well, I'll be 18 by next december." He told me that if I wanted to go back, it was my choice, but he didn't like it.
Me? I'm completely confused. I really like things here, but I miss the people from home. I feel like I've got two lives, and I'm scared about where it's going at the moment.
I have friends here that are pretty cool. The school is actually pretty good. People are not all hicks. Montana is a lot like WA and people in WA have too many stereotypes about things they have no idea about.
Washington... I have a few of the best friends I will ever get in my life. I like the people there and the school is okay. You guys actually have a few more hicks than my school here does. Deal with it.
I have changed a lot, and I'm sorry for those of you who don't like it.
I'm sorry for things I've said in the past couple weeks, and I'm sorry if you think that I'm mad at you.
I'm not mad. I just don't feel like living life over the internet. I can't do it anymore. I don't like knowing that if my parents wanted to, they could read EVERY instant messanger conversation, and probably all of my lj entries. They've done it before. What's to say they aren't doing it now?
I hate that I can't say some things due to this little problem. I wish that I could see you guys in person and talk to you, and Tina... I wish that I could hug you instead of using those fucking asterisks. You don't know how much I miss you.
And just so you guys know:
I'm not the only one that's changed. All of you have changed too. That's something that you're going to have to get used to, becuase no matter how much you don't want to believe it, it's true. This is not all on my shoulders.
Not that anyone cares.
I have strep throat, which means getting out of a few days of school...not many complaints about that.
I've been thinking a lot today... I decided that this lj has way too much that's tied along with it. I'm thinking of getting a new one.
I've also been thinking a lot about friends. You know all those people who promised to keep in touch? Promised they'd write letters? Promised they'd visit or call? And how I told a very select few of you that I knew they wouldn't.
I find it funny that through all of the convincing words I got and uplifting things everyone said, I still haven't gotten more than 10 people to call. I've been gone for almost exactly 2 months. I just thought that was strange.
Even people that were really good friends of mine, I could name a few people who don't bother reading this now. And that doesn't really bother me really, it's the fact that they told me that they cared. The fact that even when I need them most, they still didn't care enough.
Who cares anymore. Right?
I hated the concept of leaving. I hated everything about it. And yet I've realized two very important things:
I know who my friends are, and I have a weaker strength of self than I thought that I had.
Life's a bitch sometimes. But I have to keep faith in myself and what I believe. I have to let what I have be number one, or else I will always dwell on the past.
Who knows, maybe I will be back for the second semester of senior year, I have the choice. But do I really want to go back to what I had, knowing what I'd be giving up?
*edit*
Okay, so I have a lot more things to rant about than I originally thought, and I may disable comments on this entry because I'm not sure if I want people to be leaving me comments about things in here.
I hate missing people who either a) don't miss me, or b) are really close by, or c) I shouldn't be missing in the first place.
I hate moving on from things that were supposedly going to be "forever" but were broken due to moving, space, or lack of motivation (I don't know if that's the right word).
I'm looking at what I have here, and though I hate to say it, I am somewhat happy. I've stopped being so freaking depressed, mostly, and I'm actually working on not living on my computer anymore.
I am tired of trying to be something I am not to appease the crowd. I am going to start living my life the way I want it to be lived. I don't always know how that is...but...whatever, it will come in time.
I'm debating on whether or not to move back to WA after high school. or during it.
My dad and I were talking about moving back for all of senior year, maybe I could take up Sarah Charleston's offer. He said no and I said "well, I am going back for college." He looked at the floor for a second and then mumbled "you'll be 18, a legal adult, and it will be your choice." I sat there for a moment and then said "well, I'll be 18 by next december." He told me that if I wanted to go back, it was my choice, but he didn't like it.
Me? I'm completely confused. I really like things here, but I miss the people from home. I feel like I've got two lives, and I'm scared about where it's going at the moment.
I have friends here that are pretty cool. The school is actually pretty good. People are not all hicks. Montana is a lot like WA and people in WA have too many stereotypes about things they have no idea about.
Washington... I have a few of the best friends I will ever get in my life. I like the people there and the school is okay. You guys actually have a few more hicks than my school here does. Deal with it.
I have changed a lot, and I'm sorry for those of you who don't like it.
I'm sorry for things I've said in the past couple weeks, and I'm sorry if you think that I'm mad at you.
I'm not mad. I just don't feel like living life over the internet. I can't do it anymore. I don't like knowing that if my parents wanted to, they could read EVERY instant messanger conversation, and probably all of my lj entries. They've done it before. What's to say they aren't doing it now?
I hate that I can't say some things due to this little problem. I wish that I could see you guys in person and talk to you, and Tina... I wish that I could hug you instead of using those fucking asterisks. You don't know how much I miss you.
And just so you guys know:
I'm not the only one that's changed. All of you have changed too. That's something that you're going to have to get used to, becuase no matter how much you don't want to believe it, it's true. This is not all on my shoulders.