I look smaller from outside my head.
My attention problems are bad this week. Actually, they've been bad since last week, but I have a deadline in an hour and fifteen minutes, and I'm not done reading. I can't focus on what I'm reading. I'm just... swimming around.
Maybe that's why I like Delirium so much. I'm not crazy, exactly, but many times I feel like my thoughts are like her million colored fishies, all so pretty to look at, all swimming too fast for me to catch. I loved her in the comics because I could relate to how quickly her focus jumped.
Anyway, like I said, it's been a pretty bad week or so. A week of inattention. At school. When I need all the attention I can get.
Not attention to me, of course, but attention to my schoolwork. To this paper for Fr. D's class. To cleaning up my corner. To finishing my essays. To designing promo mats. To serving my batch as their rep in the dorm council. To writing home. To buying Christmas gifts.
My projects are like the fish, also.
I like my inattention; sometimes I actually feel proud of it, though I don't always like talking about it. That might surprise people, so let me rephrase that. I'm proud of knowing the way my mind works. I'm not exactly proud of how difficult it makes things. It doesn't exactly make me special, considering that there are millions of other people with the same "disorder". I think I like it because it explained the problems I had when I was a kid. The problems I still have.
I deal with it, you know. And I try not to blame it for stuff.
As long as I'm functional, I'll be fine.
I'm just not feeling very functional right now.
Maybe that's why I like Delirium so much. I'm not crazy, exactly, but many times I feel like my thoughts are like her million colored fishies, all so pretty to look at, all swimming too fast for me to catch. I loved her in the comics because I could relate to how quickly her focus jumped.
Anyway, like I said, it's been a pretty bad week or so. A week of inattention. At school. When I need all the attention I can get.
Not attention to me, of course, but attention to my schoolwork. To this paper for Fr. D's class. To cleaning up my corner. To finishing my essays. To designing promo mats. To serving my batch as their rep in the dorm council. To writing home. To buying Christmas gifts.
My projects are like the fish, also.
I like my inattention; sometimes I actually feel proud of it, though I don't always like talking about it. That might surprise people, so let me rephrase that. I'm proud of knowing the way my mind works. I'm not exactly proud of how difficult it makes things. It doesn't exactly make me special, considering that there are millions of other people with the same "disorder". I think I like it because it explained the problems I had when I was a kid. The problems I still have.
I deal with it, you know. And I try not to blame it for stuff.
As long as I'm functional, I'll be fine.
I'm just not feeling very functional right now.