I guess I find myself feeling that a lot of the things that fucked me up before weren't nessecarily intentionally done to fuck myself over, but if I had stopped for a moment and paid attention, I would have realized that's all the decisions were.
And I don't mean just the idea of choosing to keep bad things out of your life. I have a lot of bad shit, but I know that, in the end, the bad things are the things that shape my life and who I am and it's this feeling that everything is just too god-damn beautiful to really be in a place where it's even *possible* to let the bad outweigh the good. Maybe it's horribly idealistic of me, or just shows how little I understand people, but I think that everyone could look at the world this way, value it inexplicably. And it's not that they wouldn't be sad or upset sometimes, but just not most of the time.
But I could just be dillusional. Am I making any sense?
There's a certain threshold level of badness, I guess. I'm pretty happy with life, but my life, all told, is pretty good; I would not expect a 16-year-old girl with no education and two illegitimate children and a crack habit to support to be able walk on pink fluffy clouds through the power of positive thinking.
yeah, I know how that is, but at the same time, I know a couple of 18 year old girls with illegitimate children who are pretty happy about life in general, even if day to day stuff fucks with them.
and in your scenario, how much of that is actually beyond her choosing? I know that position in life can make it hard to get out of things, but it's not impossible.
More power to them, but--I dunno, it can't be easy to stay happy like that.
I actually don't have much to add. You and some others have had some sort of epiphany where they can just choose to be happy; most people, like me, have not had this epiphany and will not grok a word of what you're saying until they do.
I definately used to feel the way you do about this. I don't know if I would have thought that someone saying this to me was full of shit or if I would have thought they were lying to themselves or they were a whackjob or whathaveyou.
Reply
Reply
And I don't mean just the idea of choosing to keep bad things out of your life. I have a lot of bad shit, but I know that, in the end, the bad things are the things that shape my life and who I am and it's this feeling that everything is just too god-damn beautiful to really be in a place where it's even *possible* to let the bad outweigh the good. Maybe it's horribly idealistic of me, or just shows how little I understand people, but I think that everyone could look at the world this way, value it inexplicably. And it's not that they wouldn't be sad or upset sometimes, but just not most of the time.
But I could just be dillusional. Am I making any sense?
Reply
Reply
and in your scenario, how much of that is actually beyond her choosing? I know that position in life can make it hard to get out of things, but it's not impossible.
Reply
I actually don't have much to add. You and some others have had some sort of epiphany where they can just choose to be happy; most people, like me, have not had this epiphany and will not grok a word of what you're saying until they do.
Reply
Reply
I definately used to feel the way you do about this. I don't know if I would have thought that someone saying this to me was full of shit or if I would have thought they were lying to themselves or they were a whackjob or whathaveyou.
Reply
Reply
And nothing ever really sticks. Things just come and go.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment