Just some thoughts...
Lately I've been noticing...I think I'm lonely. I dunno. Like, I'm a firm believer that you DO NOT need a significant other, be it your boyfriend or girlfriend to make you happy, but lately, I want one so badly. I want a girlfriend. I want a significant other. I dunno, I think this all started when two of my best friends got together. I knew it would happen between them in due time, and Im so happy that it did. They make each other better. But ever since they got together, I see them together always, and it reminds me of what its like to have some one like that. Someone to hold, someone to kiss, some one to talk to about anything on your mind. Someone to go on dates with. Someone to flirt with. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to watch movies with. Someone to love. And someone who loves you back.
But you know, I told myself I wouldnt date anyone. Im going to school in four weeks. Im moving away. There's no way I should start a relationship now. And yeah, I know there's going to be tons and tons of girls at school, and I understand that I'll have many opportunities, but that isnt now. I guess Im contradicting myself from earlier. I always said I didnt want a girlfriend because Im leaving. And now here I am, wanting a girlfriend, maybe because Im leaving.
I havent had a relationship since the new year. Whats that, almost eight months? And I ended it with her for stupid reasons. Granted, I know I didnt want to be with her, but my reason for the break up, overall, was stupid.
There was someone else. Not someone else I was seeing. Someone else I was loving. If you're close to me, you know who I'm talking about. It was the only girl I ever loved. And the only girl who was capable of ripping my heart out of my chest, and she did just that. We had a relationship for two or three months, and it was amazing. She was the girl of my dreams, and after a year and a half struggle, she was finally mine. I had dreamed of her kiss, and now all I had to do was lean forward, and my dream became a reality. But after time passed, I began to wear my heart on my sleeve as she pushed me away. She didnt want to be with me anymore. She probably never did in the first place. Then, like nothing had happened, she started dating other guys. I knew I had to move on. So I tried. I met new people, got set up by friends, all that good stuff. But I couldnt do it. I sabotaged those relationships because they werent her. I realize that now. Although she wasnt with me, she still drove me. She put a hole in my chest, and even though she wasnt there, the thought of her dictated what I did.
That all happened about a year ago. I saw her a few weeks back. We hardly talk anymore. She was once my best friend, now it seems as though she could care less that I breathe, and exist. I could make more of an effort to be her friend, but she hurt me. She's the one that destroyed me, she should be the one to make the effort to befriend me.
Im sorry. That got a little off...subject, I suppose.
Like I said, I saw her a few weeks back, and much to my amazement, I didnt feel anything. No love, no sorrow, no reminiscing, nothing. I was finally over her, and that is saying something.
But lately...I cant stop thinking about her. Do I miss her? Or do I miss what we had? But what we had, I could only have with her. So do I miss her?
Im sure that in four weeks when I go away to college, Im gonna meet some great girls, and Ill probably have a girlfriend sometime in the near future at school...but thats in four weeks. This is how I feel now. Am I wrong to feel this way? Does anyone else feel this way about someone? I dont know...
~ive had you so many times but somehow i want more~
{i miss you even though i know i shouldnt}
But you know, I told myself I wouldnt date anyone. Im going to school in four weeks. Im moving away. There's no way I should start a relationship now. And yeah, I know there's going to be tons and tons of girls at school, and I understand that I'll have many opportunities, but that isnt now. I guess Im contradicting myself from earlier. I always said I didnt want a girlfriend because Im leaving. And now here I am, wanting a girlfriend, maybe because Im leaving.
I havent had a relationship since the new year. Whats that, almost eight months? And I ended it with her for stupid reasons. Granted, I know I didnt want to be with her, but my reason for the break up, overall, was stupid.
There was someone else. Not someone else I was seeing. Someone else I was loving. If you're close to me, you know who I'm talking about. It was the only girl I ever loved. And the only girl who was capable of ripping my heart out of my chest, and she did just that. We had a relationship for two or three months, and it was amazing. She was the girl of my dreams, and after a year and a half struggle, she was finally mine. I had dreamed of her kiss, and now all I had to do was lean forward, and my dream became a reality. But after time passed, I began to wear my heart on my sleeve as she pushed me away. She didnt want to be with me anymore. She probably never did in the first place. Then, like nothing had happened, she started dating other guys. I knew I had to move on. So I tried. I met new people, got set up by friends, all that good stuff. But I couldnt do it. I sabotaged those relationships because they werent her. I realize that now. Although she wasnt with me, she still drove me. She put a hole in my chest, and even though she wasnt there, the thought of her dictated what I did.
That all happened about a year ago. I saw her a few weeks back. We hardly talk anymore. She was once my best friend, now it seems as though she could care less that I breathe, and exist. I could make more of an effort to be her friend, but she hurt me. She's the one that destroyed me, she should be the one to make the effort to befriend me.
Im sorry. That got a little off...subject, I suppose.
Like I said, I saw her a few weeks back, and much to my amazement, I didnt feel anything. No love, no sorrow, no reminiscing, nothing. I was finally over her, and that is saying something.
But lately...I cant stop thinking about her. Do I miss her? Or do I miss what we had? But what we had, I could only have with her. So do I miss her?
Im sure that in four weeks when I go away to college, Im gonna meet some great girls, and Ill probably have a girlfriend sometime in the near future at school...but thats in four weeks. This is how I feel now. Am I wrong to feel this way? Does anyone else feel this way about someone? I dont know...
~ive had you so many times but somehow i want more~
{i miss you even though i know i shouldnt}