(no subject)
Been working out at the gym the last two days. It feels nice to get physically tired and feel accomplished. I think going to the gym is a good thing as long as my perspective stays on "I'm doing this to be healthy..." and far from "I'm doing this to be skinner so people will think I'm pretty...".
I got an extremely long and deep letter from Sam Lineberger yesterday. He put a really great quote in there that I wanted to keep on here so I can look at it from time to time: "My personality type is always trying to be authentic, which sometimes can be the most mannered person because you're always trying to figure out who you are and then be that rather than just being. Sometimes I do find myself creating an image of a person not trying to create an image. That in and of itself is creating an image, so then I just have to stop thinking about this stuff." I feel like it sums up me perfectly in trying so hard to live different and think different from everyone else so they can see that the way they do things isn't the only way. It goes hand in hand with what I've been thinking lately about how much I talk about being all for non-conformity. After a while the fact that I talk about it and say it to other people, it's kind of like I'm conforming to my own standard of whatever isn't the norm which is following along in a backhand way.
Also lately I've been thinking about how I should never outwardly say "I'm nice or I'm different or I'm sincere" but just be myself and do actions as I would if no one is watching. If I truly am sincere and different people will notice if they care enough to look and they will be impacted much more than if I pointed it out for them, even if it's true. Just kind of trying to explain that you might be more credit (from a few but meaningful people) by not taking credit where it's deserved. Just a thought. I want to be as humble as I can. Not saying I don't want to have opinions and let myself get walked all over, but pride is not something I strive for.
I got an extremely long and deep letter from Sam Lineberger yesterday. He put a really great quote in there that I wanted to keep on here so I can look at it from time to time: "My personality type is always trying to be authentic, which sometimes can be the most mannered person because you're always trying to figure out who you are and then be that rather than just being. Sometimes I do find myself creating an image of a person not trying to create an image. That in and of itself is creating an image, so then I just have to stop thinking about this stuff." I feel like it sums up me perfectly in trying so hard to live different and think different from everyone else so they can see that the way they do things isn't the only way. It goes hand in hand with what I've been thinking lately about how much I talk about being all for non-conformity. After a while the fact that I talk about it and say it to other people, it's kind of like I'm conforming to my own standard of whatever isn't the norm which is following along in a backhand way.
Also lately I've been thinking about how I should never outwardly say "I'm nice or I'm different or I'm sincere" but just be myself and do actions as I would if no one is watching. If I truly am sincere and different people will notice if they care enough to look and they will be impacted much more than if I pointed it out for them, even if it's true. Just kind of trying to explain that you might be more credit (from a few but meaningful people) by not taking credit where it's deserved. Just a thought. I want to be as humble as I can. Not saying I don't want to have opinions and let myself get walked all over, but pride is not something I strive for.