GARP!
Eve sits here staring at me, not speaking, not scratching, in fact I am not sure she is breathing, just staring at me. I think she is mad because I made her sleep outside by her lonesome because she ate my Slim Jim, a registered trademark of craptacular meat by-product creations.
I only get in the mood to eat a Slim Jim* like once every year cause it is a very greasy nasty piece of meat; a half-breed, born of Jerky and Lard. However, when I decide to spend the extra 1.29 for the overpriced piece of shit, I expect to eat it.
Not Eve, she thinks cause I bring home meat in a plastic air tight package, that it must be for her. So there I am minding my own bidness, watching a very engrossing game between Ohio State and Wisconsin, who pulled one of the biggest upsets of the year only to be outdone by the USC versus California game, when Eve comes in smiling and licking her chops. Now as involved with this football game as I am, I am very aware when my hyperactive, crazy bitch-ass dog is calm and sated, as I could tell she was by the smirk on her face. I know it wasn't from eating her own food, cause her dog food tastes like dirt and mud, which is just wet dirt I know but there is s subtle difference. The story of how I came to know how her dog food tastes will be left for another day. Let's just say there is a good chance that Peyote was involved. So I look at my dog and study her face and then I see it. I see that glint of guilt in her eye. After she realized that I knew, she said the most abhorrent statement of her young and short doggie life. "Fuck you, Pig. It was worth it and you'll never take me alive." And with that she ran to the kitchen opened up the sink cabinet and tried to drink what was left of the bottle of windex. I wrestled it away from her and sequestered her to the backyard in a valiant attempt to keep her safe from herself. She has been sulking all day and won't say a word. Alas, I will not give in and I can't just buy another Slim Jim . . . my heart is just not in it.
drew
*I expect many a homosexual remark for this one from one Joe DeFuria. I expect nothing more and nothing less.
I only get in the mood to eat a Slim Jim* like once every year cause it is a very greasy nasty piece of meat; a half-breed, born of Jerky and Lard. However, when I decide to spend the extra 1.29 for the overpriced piece of shit, I expect to eat it.
Not Eve, she thinks cause I bring home meat in a plastic air tight package, that it must be for her. So there I am minding my own bidness, watching a very engrossing game between Ohio State and Wisconsin, who pulled one of the biggest upsets of the year only to be outdone by the USC versus California game, when Eve comes in smiling and licking her chops. Now as involved with this football game as I am, I am very aware when my hyperactive, crazy bitch-ass dog is calm and sated, as I could tell she was by the smirk on her face. I know it wasn't from eating her own food, cause her dog food tastes like dirt and mud, which is just wet dirt I know but there is s subtle difference. The story of how I came to know how her dog food tastes will be left for another day. Let's just say there is a good chance that Peyote was involved. So I look at my dog and study her face and then I see it. I see that glint of guilt in her eye. After she realized that I knew, she said the most abhorrent statement of her young and short doggie life. "Fuck you, Pig. It was worth it and you'll never take me alive." And with that she ran to the kitchen opened up the sink cabinet and tried to drink what was left of the bottle of windex. I wrestled it away from her and sequestered her to the backyard in a valiant attempt to keep her safe from herself. She has been sulking all day and won't say a word. Alas, I will not give in and I can't just buy another Slim Jim . . . my heart is just not in it.
drew
*I expect many a homosexual remark for this one from one Joe DeFuria. I expect nothing more and nothing less.