Stupid Bonnie! Stupid!
I am a complete fucking idiot.
I dont understand how I keep getting this so wrong. And my mistakes are haunting me. And they refuse to resolve themselves. Maybe my stress levels are making me blow it out of proportion.
...No, it's because it's genuinely really important to me.
You cant outsmart your own feelings. You just cant.
And in my delusional state, I actually believed that if I just waited long enough, and tried to be a better person, I could get you back. Which made me hold onto my feelings for you like some cherished secret.
But I fed so much anger and animosity while I was waiting. I'm sorry, I was scared and repressed and so damn full of myself, believing what I believed. Or maybe it was full of you.
You wanted to be friends. You told me you loved me still. And I cut it off for some hair-brained scheme about how distance would clear our heads and make us realize how valuable our relationship really was.
Well, it did that for me.
And now you think I'm crazy when I try and pretend like it didnt hurt, and be all chummy with you again. aaahahahahah!!!
I'm laughing tears.
I dont understand how I keep getting this so wrong. And my mistakes are haunting me. And they refuse to resolve themselves. Maybe my stress levels are making me blow it out of proportion.
...No, it's because it's genuinely really important to me.
You cant outsmart your own feelings. You just cant.
And in my delusional state, I actually believed that if I just waited long enough, and tried to be a better person, I could get you back. Which made me hold onto my feelings for you like some cherished secret.
But I fed so much anger and animosity while I was waiting. I'm sorry, I was scared and repressed and so damn full of myself, believing what I believed. Or maybe it was full of you.
You wanted to be friends. You told me you loved me still. And I cut it off for some hair-brained scheme about how distance would clear our heads and make us realize how valuable our relationship really was.
Well, it did that for me.
And now you think I'm crazy when I try and pretend like it didnt hurt, and be all chummy with you again. aaahahahahah!!!
I'm laughing tears.