it figures that my courage would choose to bow out now
Wow. Has it been ages since I've posted. I don't know who's around anymore. Things are good and horrible at the same time. I've succeeded in school, managed straight eyes and have some scholarship possibilities. My teacher's think I have promise and supervisor at my internship likes me and he's a very good worker to shadow.
I'm also struggling with either stress or depression or (probably) both. I'm not sure if I need a medication adjustment or just better stress management. I've managed to glide through the term while avoiding homework, but I still have at least three upcoming papers to write. I can feel it all looming overhead, waiting to crash down and its hard to really start moving again.
I've lost interest in a lot of online activities which is either growth or depression related, depending on your perspective. I faded away from kw and have some 'slight' guilt around that. I also flat miss the people and the rp. My online chats.. blah. I'm working on finding the energy to log in, let alone st. I'm starting to possibly leave things behind and don't have anything solid to replace it, I suppose. I don't have a lot of close friends, I have fewer still that can enjoy discussing such cheerful topics as attachment theory or trauma therapy. Everyone is very nice at school, but I live out of town and am older than most of them. That complicates a social life outside of class.
Work goes all right. My review was Friday. Mostly positive, but I have a few goals to work on. Also found out a co-worker stabbed me in the back and repeated a facebook comment at work. Its cleared up and smoothed over, but I felt 'slightly' irritated over the situation. That and my general depression makes it easy for practical criticisms amid praise threaten to become echoes of the voice inside my head.
I do feel horribly insecure tonight and everything seems out of reach. There's so many people I've failed and I'm not exactly excelling at my walk with God. That seems out of reach as well and I know its on me. Can it be next month, please?
I'm also struggling with either stress or depression or (probably) both. I'm not sure if I need a medication adjustment or just better stress management. I've managed to glide through the term while avoiding homework, but I still have at least three upcoming papers to write. I can feel it all looming overhead, waiting to crash down and its hard to really start moving again.
I've lost interest in a lot of online activities which is either growth or depression related, depending on your perspective. I faded away from kw and have some 'slight' guilt around that. I also flat miss the people and the rp. My online chats.. blah. I'm working on finding the energy to log in, let alone st. I'm starting to possibly leave things behind and don't have anything solid to replace it, I suppose. I don't have a lot of close friends, I have fewer still that can enjoy discussing such cheerful topics as attachment theory or trauma therapy. Everyone is very nice at school, but I live out of town and am older than most of them. That complicates a social life outside of class.
Work goes all right. My review was Friday. Mostly positive, but I have a few goals to work on. Also found out a co-worker stabbed me in the back and repeated a facebook comment at work. Its cleared up and smoothed over, but I felt 'slightly' irritated over the situation. That and my general depression makes it easy for practical criticisms amid praise threaten to become echoes of the voice inside my head.
I do feel horribly insecure tonight and everything seems out of reach. There's so many people I've failed and I'm not exactly excelling at my walk with God. That seems out of reach as well and I know its on me. Can it be next month, please?