(no subject)
if you were talking about me in that post, me and sam are not together anymore. and he is getting help/ self helping himself on his codependency issues. I am sick of his bullshit though. At one point he left me for melissa, and then when i told him that i couldn't talk to him if he was with her, he proceeded to beg and plead for me back. Now, i hate re-fries, and i shouldn't have taken him back, and i think how much he hurt me really hindered it, but i did... and everything was rocky, then ok, then rocky... then ok..then really rocky, and i was questioning his commitment. and i said he needed to do something to show me that he really wanted to be with me. He did, he said he bought plane tickets. And me being so broken, i didn't trust that because he always sends screen shots of everything that is nothing and he didn't have confirmation, and i knew his story wasn't adding up. He had then done the two huge things that Victor (ex-fiance) did, he had left me for someone else, and he had lied to me. I am pretty done with Sam's bullshit, despite still caring about him and wanting to be his friend. I know that even if i give him another chance some time in the future, these two issues will always be there and always hurt.
I imagine that its both a good and bad thing that i am alone now. it's probably not comforting to know that i am lonely and i lay in my bed at night wishing i could just die in my sleep and no one would notice or miss me...or to know that i desperately seek the attention from any sweet guy that gives me the time of day. But i am figuring out that i am really messed up. I don't trust anything anyone says to me, especially a guy concerning a relationship, and i pretty much know that i will always be left to be lonely...perhaps it is just what i will get, until that one who i am really supposed to be with is able to be with me....the one i know i can trust and be honest with, the one who i know is always there for me, and somehow, when one breaks down the other is strong, and vice versa (and it amazes me that its always like that)...the one who made me truly understand what *unconditional love* really is.....someday, in the not too far off future, perhaps if all the stars align, i will get to be with you again.
I imagine that its both a good and bad thing that i am alone now. it's probably not comforting to know that i am lonely and i lay in my bed at night wishing i could just die in my sleep and no one would notice or miss me...or to know that i desperately seek the attention from any sweet guy that gives me the time of day. But i am figuring out that i am really messed up. I don't trust anything anyone says to me, especially a guy concerning a relationship, and i pretty much know that i will always be left to be lonely...perhaps it is just what i will get, until that one who i am really supposed to be with is able to be with me....the one i know i can trust and be honest with, the one who i know is always there for me, and somehow, when one breaks down the other is strong, and vice versa (and it amazes me that its always like that)...the one who made me truly understand what *unconditional love* really is.....someday, in the not too far off future, perhaps if all the stars align, i will get to be with you again.