Slytherin House Loves Nom and I Love Them!!!!
You guys! omfg you guys. Can I just say that I have the greatest friends ever? I mean, okay, I already knew that, and you already knew that, but I must share with you how my day has gone.
I woke up this morning and did the obligatory email check. And I blinked. Because usually I'll have anywhere of 1-8 emails waiting for me. And sometimes of those emails, maybe 1 or 2 reviews are there too. This always pleases me. But this morning, I awoke with a whopping 16 emails waiting for me! Only 1 of which was NOT a review notice! And those review notices were occassionally several threads deep!
"Nom? Did you make the o_O face?" Why yes I did and thank you for asking. Because huh???
Granted, I did upload a couple things already on OWL to TPP the night before, but even this was a surprise. But upon closer inspection they were reviews from both OWL and TPP. I just thought I got lucky.
So, I get ready for work with a grin and when I arrive at my desk an hour later, I see even MORE reviews in my inbox. This trend continues consistently throughout the morning and hasn't really stopped since then. After a little bit of thinking I say, "Oh my. I've become a target haven't I? A lovely, lovely target."
And then, I get this email:
"Subject: Slytherin House loves Nom de Plume
Dear Nomz,
I knowz yoo haz been seeing dah revyoos. And you haz been tinking dat dah snakez, we iz swarmin and tacklin' you wif dah revyoos. Well, one of dah snakez has nom... nomin... tellin dah Slythurinz dat you culd be uzin sum fangurl luvez cause lyf iz bein' meanz to u. We iz tryin to write dah veree bestest revyoos uzin our bestest wurdz, doh mehbe not deh bestest grammerz, and are takin carez to let yoo knowz just how much we apprec... appr... luvez you, dah fandom luvez you, and how awesum you makez dah fandom. Dose poynts for de Howse Cup arnt de poynt here. We'z gown to de udder sitez to revyoo if we'z already revyood on OWL.
And too mayk it off... offic... realz dat Slythurinz luvez yoo, yoo can haz banner.
PJ"
I won't lie. There were tears and big-fat-wolfy-grins!! It has really made my day!
Thank you so much, ladies of Slytherin House. I really needed that pick-me-up and this was just the thing. I feel so blessed to have the attention of such warm, kind and extremely thoughtful people. And to a Ravenclaw no less. :P
Inter-House loves. Let us has it.
And now, to show my gratitude, I present Slytherin House with its very own [epic] lol!fic.
Note: This fic best read with the image of this ebil kitteh, with a dramatic narrator voice.
Warning: This lolfic is freaking epic. No really, it's long. I apologize sincerely, and extremely, but
pyjamapants (who helped, and i love so much!) said to leave it as is. I hope you do not go cross-eyed, or hate me afterwards. If reading this stuff bothers you, you don't have to read it, really. :) Either way, just thank you for today everyone. <3
*kleerz throte* Ahemz.
Ther wunce wuz a snayk frum Nantukkit-
haha i'z just kiddin.
But srsly: BE-HOLED!! Foar I'z gunna tellz yew a grate storee nao. Plz tu be foarwarn'd--- -- Dis tayle iz nawt foar teh week uv mind, becuz itz a lol, and dos are hrad tew reed, I noes. But if yu has teh strenfs, teh hedayke medisins, and enuff ambishunz, yue mite just maek it tew teh end. And teh reewardz will be grate. And dat rewardz is hopfullee laffs. Cuz lafter is teh gratest gift uv all. As well as baybees. And puppies. Awlso cheezkake.
MOVING AWN!
Dis storee openz wif a lohnley man, who haz a stik-liek body, kweshunable hairz, and a schnauze teh size of a Neu York hottdawg. BUT NO CAN HAS. Dats his noes an he needz it.
K, so eeven tho he didunt luk lyke teh kind uv guy whut has a sole, he totully did an had a hart uv gold tew. It wuz just under a few layerz uv carbon-y charkohl, but iz okay cuz he had daddy isshoes.
Owr heeroh wuz teh Gloreeus Hed of Teh Mos' Nobul, Aynchent, and Impressiv Howse of Sssslytherin. (<---dats an onamona..onomat..monapee...iz wun uv dos lit'rary devises dat sowns liek teh sown...omg whatever. anywayz.)
He's teh Hed of teh Hawt!Howse, and awl hiz stoodints admried and respekkt'd him. And sum frum teh other howses wanted to git awl up in his dark bizness. But bcuz of this styma (thank yew Fownder Slythern and Tom Riddle yu jerks) he gots a bad rap. Wun dayz, oh wait, ai meenz nites cuz dats when teh bezt storeys happens, he wuz awn teh look-owts foar teenage mutant ninjuh violaterz when he herd teh sownd of sumwum krying.
"Oh noes. I hate weepy kids, dammit."
But, he wuz a Howse Hed, so he hads tew investimigate.
He stawked rly hot-liek tew teh sownds, and wuz impress'd wif teh night's copiuz successful robe flappin' (awlso hot) when he fownd a kwivren bundle awn the cohld stone floorz.
"Whut is going awn heer?" he aksed firmly, but wif a tuch of kumpasshunz.
But insted of a little momma's boy or gurl, a byootiful, tiny, fairee lady luk'd up at him. He wuz jenuinly surprized.
"Plz, I needz help," she sed wif a tinkly voyce.
"Hoa did yu git in heere? This is a skool, nawt an inchanted foarest, okay."
"Magic sumthing oar uther did it, anyways foar serius, I needz tew git bak to mah homezz. Can yu helps me?"
Owr procrastinator, no, whut's dat word? Pro..protagon..protagunist!! Whao. Mai werdz are gud, geez. Ok, owr 'tagonist pinch'd his hottog noes in ajitayshunz bc he just new he wuz gunna git involv'd in sum horrid storeyline (and he's rite) and then ther wuz this hedayche.
"Vry well, if dat wil get yu owt of mai kastle...ai wil help yu," he grumbld kwietley. "Kum awn den, lessgo."
Teh daintey fayree tried tew stand, but it wuz no gud. Teh author (me) wudn't let her.
"Oh, halp. I cannut eeven walk! Yew must carie me."
Sevrus (oh, his name is Sevrus) grit his teefers and bawled his fists.
He ruff-gently scooped up teh little woman in his strong but hidden bai fabrik armz and sneerd.
"Is yu warin' pink? Rly?"
"I'z a fayree!!"
"Omg ew."
So teh dark an misunstood Poshunz master (lowerkays 'm') stelthily hurreed teh injoored farey thru teh castle.
Wen they reeched teh lower level the little faryee gasped! "Oh noes, ai dropped my majikul fairee wand. Pleez go get it?"
He sighed teh sigh uv a thowsand syes! and did so. As he carried the pink ribbund star-tipped monstrositie he wished foar deth.
Wen they reeched teh dewy grownds owtsied she gapsed agin. "Ohh noes! My sparkly, ruffle sawks are slippin off mah delicut ankels!"
He rolld them up and cursed everythin in eggsistense.
"Where are we going?!" he yelled wif a whisper bc he wud be dammed if anywun saw him carrying whut luk'd liek a pink babeedoll at nite.
"Yu must taek me tew teh Layke."
"Gud. Dat's just up ahed."
They reeched teh Layke after he had straighten'd teh silk bows in her platinum kurlz, and applyed shimmery lipstik to her minichur parched lipz. His disgrayse was huge.
"Stawp," said the adorable little fayree he wished were ded.
Sevrus set her down awntu teh cold, wet grass, redy tu go bak tu his castle and his meegre selekshunz of Gryffundrawr inspired pr0n mags. "Anyfing else?"
"Yes, Hed of Snake Howse. Becauz yew were so kind tew me, and suffred mai agonizin slings n arrowz I will bequeen yew a gift."
Sevrus glayrd. "You leeving iz gift enuff. Srsly."
Teh fayree turned tew teh Layke and raised her arms as the smuth serfis bubbld and frothd.
Sevrus tuk a step bak as suddnly teh Giant Skwid popped up thru surfus.
"O' Giant Skwid, dis is a little fayree speekin to yu!" The skwid waved a tentikul in hallos.
"A Grate Slytherin haz dun a selfless deed and helped a poar, unforchunit soul. Thayrfor, I aks yew drop teh curse!"
"A kurse? Whut kurse?" Sevrus asked suspik..spikus...worridly.
The Giant Skwid wavd his goobly arms all willy nilly an' spoke thusly: "Thowsands uv yeers ago, wen teh Fownders fownded dis skool, Salzar Slythrin offended mai 14th grate GrandSkwid--the First Skwid! And so, a kurs wuz put upawns y'all!"
Sevrus stud thayr, jaw agap. "Wtf?"
Teh skwid went awn. "But nao dis fayree has set yu free! Enjoi yoor new soshul standings, Howse of Slythrins!"
Teh skwid sunk bak to teh depths, and teh fayree turned happlee tew Sevrus.
"...WHAT TEH HELL??"
The fayree stepped away frum teh angree man.
"All it tuk wuz a fairey to come and fix dis? We has suffered centurieez of jeerz, and stigmatiks, and hate cuz of a kurse?! An what, dis is jus' sposed tew fix awl that??"
Teh fayree seemed at a loss foar werds.
"Just git teh hell owt of heer afore I step awn yu!"
And wif dat, teh fayree left, Sevrus got the girl, and Draco became teh Minister of Magic.
Teh End.