Cupcake Rage
(reposting this from my facebook bc i'm still filled with wrath, as opposed to cream cheese frosting.)
TO THE COMPLETE COW WHO JUST TOOK ALL THE CUPCAKES:
First of all, we work in office towers. Towers of offices. As one might infer, that is dull. It is repetitive. Granted, the view, is nice. It is one consolation of about three. That's not a lot of consolations.
Want to take a guess what the other consolation is? The monthly cupcake truck.
One day out of each month, the monotony gets broken up by a glorious white van filled with delicious cupcakes. On that day, scads of, mainly women, pour out of the three or four towers to gather in a civilized line to purchase and inhale cupcakes. It is a beautiful thing (despite what my ass might say in opposition.) People talk, we bond, we discuss our favorite cupcakes. (Salted caramel. Key lime pie. Red velvet!!!)
And then you came along.
You don't even work here. You're just some random, bitch jogger who was out jogging and then saw a line of people and stopped. I saw you as I was walking up. You stopped. Clearly, you wanted a cupcake. That is fine. Even two cupcakes, whatever. It would have been just fine.
But what did you do?
You broke a cardinal rule.
You ordered TWO DOZEN CUPCAKES!
WHAT THE HELL, JOGGER??? WHAT THE HELL???
Did you not see the rest of us waiting with anticipation behind you? What, did we just not matter???
Also, YOU'RE JOGGING. Where the hell are you going with two boxes of a dozen cupcakes each?? How are you going to keep jogging? Are you going to just walk with two awkward, huge cupcake boxes?? Additionally, YOU'RE JOGGING. Why are you eating cupcakes right now? Doesn't that defeat the purpose??? (Everybody, shut up. I know.)
When you took all the cupcakes but vanilla, I thought a riot was about to be unleashed. I might have even participated because YOU TOOK OUR CUPCAKES. Our one of three consolations for working at this stupid complex! Speaking of three, that's how many people got to get the cupcakes they wanted. Because the truck had just gotten there.
You suck. No, like, you suck.
Please note, that if I see you again, I will tackle you, because I can do that. I did it last weekend. Fierce tackling skills.
God.
I hope someone mugs your cupcakes as you walk back to wherever you parked that is likely two miles away because you're a jogger and fitness is important to you.
Ass.
TO THE COMPLETE COW WHO JUST TOOK ALL THE CUPCAKES:
First of all, we work in office towers. Towers of offices. As one might infer, that is dull. It is repetitive. Granted, the view, is nice. It is one consolation of about three. That's not a lot of consolations.
Want to take a guess what the other consolation is? The monthly cupcake truck.
One day out of each month, the monotony gets broken up by a glorious white van filled with delicious cupcakes. On that day, scads of, mainly women, pour out of the three or four towers to gather in a civilized line to purchase and inhale cupcakes. It is a beautiful thing (despite what my ass might say in opposition.) People talk, we bond, we discuss our favorite cupcakes. (Salted caramel. Key lime pie. Red velvet!!!)
And then you came along.
You don't even work here. You're just some random, bitch jogger who was out jogging and then saw a line of people and stopped. I saw you as I was walking up. You stopped. Clearly, you wanted a cupcake. That is fine. Even two cupcakes, whatever. It would have been just fine.
But what did you do?
You broke a cardinal rule.
You ordered TWO DOZEN CUPCAKES!
WHAT THE HELL, JOGGER??? WHAT THE HELL???
Did you not see the rest of us waiting with anticipation behind you? What, did we just not matter???
Also, YOU'RE JOGGING. Where the hell are you going with two boxes of a dozen cupcakes each?? How are you going to keep jogging? Are you going to just walk with two awkward, huge cupcake boxes?? Additionally, YOU'RE JOGGING. Why are you eating cupcakes right now? Doesn't that defeat the purpose??? (Everybody, shut up. I know.)
When you took all the cupcakes but vanilla, I thought a riot was about to be unleashed. I might have even participated because YOU TOOK OUR CUPCAKES. Our one of three consolations for working at this stupid complex! Speaking of three, that's how many people got to get the cupcakes they wanted. Because the truck had just gotten there.
You suck. No, like, you suck.
Please note, that if I see you again, I will tackle you, because I can do that. I did it last weekend. Fierce tackling skills.
God.
I hope someone mugs your cupcakes as you walk back to wherever you parked that is likely two miles away because you're a jogger and fitness is important to you.
Ass.