Tribute to my sister

[anonymiss731]

Within the past few days my sister has been relating to me and my mother a very heartbreaking story of a small unconventional family she is friends with. A young lady with a son taking care of her child and a brother that was exile by their parents. Today after being ill in the hospital for some time the girl died leaving behind her little brother and his nephew to be adopted by a very loving family in another state. The news of her death was received in a text message upon both of us waking to what we thought would be a pleasant holiday (religiously on her side and consumer driven but happy on mine). Even though she has anticipated this happening for a while it still hit her hard. She is not at all like me and shows her empathy for others and her sorrow to the world. She is a beautiful and caring child and unlike myself has never felt the need to mask herself from others. To my concern and discomfort  I was the only person around for her to grieve with. I  had never thought I was at all adequate for such a task and many have agreed with me. I am not a person people go to for comfort. I am the hard face that refuses to cry at funerals and goodbyes. I am the person who is trying to be brave and accept too early that the person gone is going to some place better. I am the person many have accused of being heartless, logical to a fault and unmoved by anything. The very few people I have let see the softer parts of me. They are the most special to me and I would sacrifice anything for them. This post is a tribute to my sister and the friends she has lost. I say friends because this is not the first time she has lost someone. She is a social butterfly and a has a light that draws people to her. Unlike myself, who has not allowed people in, in order to lose them. She has loved many and lost too many in my opinion, for someone with such a young and beautiful heart. I have written a poem dedicated to her and wanted others to see. Though it disquiets me for others to see me in this fashion I thought this situation deemed action on my part. This poem is far from perfect and is not only one of the quickest things I've written but the first I've made with this intent. I hope my sister will appreciate this and find some comfort knowing that I love her.

Silence Undone

I see her eyes so broken
The pain that's in her soul
She's seen to many fall to quick
Their stories never told

She guards their memories in her breast
Which heaves with troubled sighs
For none could see their beauty best
Save eyes now raw and drawn

She met them in their wild mass, a mess
She conquered hearts and minds
And though I thought it not her task
She did it with a smile

Their friendships bloomed and seemed eternal
But time slipped through their hands
Like sand that slips through outstretched fingers
Wishing to meet my grasp

Some parts of her have flown away
And may never return
But every fiber of me prays
To see her smile once more

I look into the mirror
Now, hard as I do try
I cannot bring the smile I know
Into my own sad eyes

My lips twist in un-merry guilt
My hands pull tentatively north
But nothing but her smile now
Can heal all that I saw

The single tear I can't control
Disturbs and fogs my mind
I search in the darkest places
For the origin of this crime

It mingles with the ones she cried
But shares no purpose with them
Her tears are bitter, wrenching sobs
Mine only cause she grieves them

Her eyes have seen to much!
Her innocence is scarred!
And I who never get to close
Wish to give my innocence up

The part of me I hide away
The part I always deny
Comes traveling through my hands and arms
Embracing my child of light

I'll give her things I don't deserve
Form things I never had
For she is the glorious Savior Queen
I the brave soldier on guard

She weeps encircled in my embrace
My kisses meet her brow
And from my mouth come spilling
Words I'd never knew could calm