You guys, tell me what you think about my situation. I'll try to keep this short.
So I've been seeing this guy since September. I don't get to see him very often, though. I'm lucky if I see him twice a month. I do know that he is very busy, but sometimes I wonder if he's just messing around with me. I want to trust him, but I have my doubts. As long as I've been seeing him, we never made anything official... we're still just "seeing each other". He's told me he cares about me, and he's made comments about a potential future together, but he seems totally unconcerned by the fact that there are spans of time where we only see each other twice a month. Am I weird for thinking that's not enough? I haven't really pushed the issue, though I have brought it up a few times, because I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be in this town. But, there's still a part of me that wants him to commit to me. Sometimes I feel used. Sometimes I feel like i'm just letting him take advantage of me by just sleeping with him without any kind of official commitment. I don't know. I really like sleeping with him (even though he's not a great kisser...), and maybe that's part of it. I'm just a slutty slut who wants to get laid despite the fact that this guy might very well be messing around with other girls and not telling me. He told me he hasn't, but I'm not sure I believe him because of the way he responded when I asked. Should I cut him loose? Or do you think it's ok to let this go the way it's going knowing that I have feelings for him and knowing that it's probably not going to work out (for a variety of reasons, including I will likely be moving at some point in the not so distant -- maybe near -- future)? Also, am I being naive? Probs.
yeah i'd cut him loose. i had this kind of situation sort of where i felt like he didn't think i was worth his time and made me doubt myself. cut him loose tbh, you're not gonna miss him. there are more dudes out there, & definitely better ones
I think I just realized that if I didn't like sleeping with him, I'd have probably forgotten about him months ago. But I really like it. I even tried hanging out with this other guy I've crushed on for a long time when current guy and i were having a dry spell. We hung out a few times, and if he'd shown more interest, I'd have likely forgotten the current guy for him. But then also, current guy comes back and apologizes for being an asshole and then we have sex and I'm just like OK.
you're not stupid but it seems like you don't like the situation & it makes you feel bad so it might be best to just tell him he's not fulfilling your needs i.e. availability so get out sooner rather than later
I have, yes. Multiple times. Like a few weeks ago when I asked him if he'd slept with another girl, I was explaining that i would need to know for health reasons, and he seemed to respond to that and told me that I didn't need to worry (not that he hadn't slept with someone else). Then I said, "also for emotional reasons, too, of course," and he asked me if I had strong feelings for him. I told him I had feelings for him, but I don't know if I'd call them strong because we don't spend enough time together (he at that point told me no, he hadn't slept with someone else). It usually comes up in that kind of way. Although a few months ago (back in 2014), I did complain a few times that i was tired of basically begging him to hang out (that's how if felt to me at the time, still does kind of, honestly). I can tell he's making more of an effort and is more conscious of it, but I'm still the one initiating all the hanging out. If I tell him I'm horny, there's never any hesitation, mind you.
So the short answer is yes, I've told him. And his response is a kind of half-assed attempt of at least appearing to care? I don't know. Someone might say he's just saying he cares about me to get in my pants, but I slept with him after three days, so... you know there was never any need to seduce me in that way. I just don't think he would say it with that kind of intention. In fact, when he said it that time, it was just after sex.
So I've been seeing this guy since September. I don't get to see him very often, though. I'm lucky if I see him twice a month. I do know that he is very busy, but sometimes I wonder if he's just messing around with me. I want to trust him, but I have my doubts. As long as I've been seeing him, we never made anything official... we're still just "seeing each other". He's told me he cares about me, and he's made comments about a potential future together, but he seems totally unconcerned by the fact that there are spans of time where we only see each other twice a month. Am I weird for thinking that's not enough? I haven't really pushed the issue, though I have brought it up a few times, because I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be in this town. But, there's still a part of me that wants him to commit to me. Sometimes I feel used. Sometimes I feel like i'm just letting him take advantage of me by just sleeping with him without any kind of official commitment. I don't know. I really like sleeping with him (even though he's not a great kisser...), and maybe that's part of it. I'm just a slutty slut who wants to get laid despite the fact that this guy might very well be messing around with other girls and not telling me. He told me he hasn't, but I'm not sure I believe him because of the way he responded when I asked. Should I cut him loose? Or do you think it's ok to let this go the way it's going knowing that I have feelings for him and knowing that it's probably not going to work out (for a variety of reasons, including I will likely be moving at some point in the not so distant -- maybe near -- future)? Also, am I being naive? Probs.
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I might just be stupid.
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have you made it clear to him that you want more time together? what has he said?
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So the short answer is yes, I've told him. And his response is a kind of half-assed attempt of at least appearing to care? I don't know. Someone might say he's just saying he cares about me to get in my pants, but I slept with him after three days, so... you know there was never any need to seduce me in that way. I just don't think he would say it with that kind of intention. In fact, when he said it that time, it was just after sex.
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