My kitty

[anonoymah]

My eldercat seems to be dying. About a year or half-year ago, she started urinating under the dining room table, so I put a litter box there. She persisted in urinating In Front Of said litterbox, so I eventually put her in a beagle-sized dog kennel. 3 days ago, I thought I heard a lamb bleating. Mom had a ewe who recently had tripplets (2 have

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[anonoymah]

Kitty died on the 16th just before 9:36 p.m. I had kept her on my bed, petting her, for several days. She had wet the bed the day before, causing massive laundry. Then, suddenly, she threw up blood. Kaiden had taken the day off work, since we thought she might die before he could get here the next day...which she did...she died about half an hour before he would've gotten off work. When she threw up, I said, "Hand me a towel!" But he handed me a pair of jeans. I then called for towels, after catching most of the blood with the jeans, and I carefully transferred her to three comfy towels on the floor. I decided that, if she was still alive in the morning, we'd have to have her put to sleep. I had been feeding her water through an oral syringe for 2 days, since she could not lap water due to her extreme fatigue and she would shake like an out-of-shape person trying to lift weights or something, just trying to stand up. After she threw up blood, she lived maybe 4 minutes. She had several seisures. I decided to go get her some water, to get the blood taste out of her mouth, but in the few seconds I was out of the room, she died. I regret that. I wanted her to die being petted. I wanted her last feeling to be that she was loved. But I know she knew. I picked up her body in a towel and rocked her and sobbed, saying, "I'm sorry, Kitty, I'm so sorry," over and over again. I carefully closed her eyes and positioned her comfortably. I swore I could still hear her purring, and so did Kaiden. I took the bloody sheets off the bed, and immediately sprained my right ankle. This was nearly 2 hours after she died. I had called my sister to let her know Kitty was gone. I hadn't told her she was sick. She would've just worried. She was only sick for 4 days, and the first day, she had eaten steak, just not cat food. But she was sick when I was in high school, not eating and being so shakey, so she may have pulled through...but not this time. We dug a hole near Trinity and Lily Lou, and build her a cairn, as I always do with dead pets. In her little grave, she was so Kitty that I wanted to take a final picture, but didn't. I kept reaching through the dirt to pet her and kiss her good-bye...just one more time...even reaching through dirt to feel her fur again. I can't stand her to be gone, just want to prolong it. But the body isn't her anymore, just loved by me because it was. She may have been stiff as a board, but she was still just as soft and beautiful as ever. It's difficult, but I am coping...my mom said the most bizarre thing: "I don't know why you're so down on death." And, "I believe that we're going to go to Heaven or be reincarnated or SOMETHING." Ok, so you don't know why death;s a big deal b/c you believe in a random, generic afterlife?! I know people take comfort from things like The Rainbow Bridge, but it's just a made-up story to make people feel better. Kitty is gone, as far as I know, with no place to go and nothing left of her personality and individual self. There are other, similar cats. Some that look like her, some that purr like her, some that love to kill watches...but no one else is or will ever be her. A unique and precious individual is lost to me forever, even if maybe there is a cat afterlife or cat personalities get recycled into new kittens.

I posted some pics of her on Facebook and I will try to link to them from here later on. My pc is broken again, so I only have my cell and it takes forever to do anything with it....

[camilleyun]

I am so sorry to hear about kitty.

*hug*

Now that I have been off of Facebook for quite some time now since I deleted it I feel much better.

It would be nice to schedule a plan to meet up one of these days.