I just watched Fight Club for the first time, watch me be introspective.
Goddamit
I need to do something with my life that feels productive. Or at least meaningful. I've got neither. The easiest way to do that is to be in a relationship. Turns out it's also the least useful to self growth. So where the fuck does that leave me? I'll tell you where, still wanting something I know is bad for me. The imp of the perverse. But so is the way of my life. I don't know where I'm headed with this rant, but I do know that when it's over, I'll still be envying those who make real decisions in their lives, people who can decide on something, and truely do it. I truely envy idealists. I'll always envy them, and I'll always try, half heartedly, to be one. Because once the shit hits the fan I'm a realist again. But so is the way of my life.
I need to do something with my life that feels productive. Or at least meaningful. I've got neither. The easiest way to do that is to be in a relationship. Turns out it's also the least useful to self growth. So where the fuck does that leave me? I'll tell you where, still wanting something I know is bad for me. The imp of the perverse. But so is the way of my life. I don't know where I'm headed with this rant, but I do know that when it's over, I'll still be envying those who make real decisions in their lives, people who can decide on something, and truely do it. I truely envy idealists. I'll always envy them, and I'll always try, half heartedly, to be one. Because once the shit hits the fan I'm a realist again. But so is the way of my life.