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Apr 17, 2010 15:24

pan )

writing

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darstellen April 17 2010, 23:23:38 UTC
The form fascinates me here. 5/1/5/1/5/1 + 4/1/4/1/4/1 + 1 + 8
Language too, the allitertions and word games, the play with conventions (upper and lower casing).
Most fascinating is the play on jupiterhand's name, the partial fulfillment of promise to create a legend from that name through manipulation of Jupiter's legend, an utterly brilliant manipulation at that. Jupiter is the siren! Jupiter loathes himself! in lower case! All because he is not the creator, but because everything was created before and for him -- a brilliant twist on the topos author = creator of nature that comes so close to the bitter truth:

Mind fucking with cats and beetles
Doesn’t work so he digs, shoveling into
Himself, the black maw of memory

So it is. I identify with these sentences more than I can say, and with the desire to create truly, to "get over myself", which nonetheless, despite drugs and emotion, seems so impossible ... indeed, the dream of freezing ...!

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anon_j_anon April 18 2010, 18:19:49 UTC
I'm definitely playing with this, the idea of the author as the creator. I've been thinking about it a lot, how if I ever become famous, it's possible for those associated with me to become famous as well. Do I want fame and legends? In making life a spectacle, do I make everyone characters?

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mazaher April 18 2010, 15:35:18 UTC
How can one who doesn't have a mortal body, get acquainted with his existence?
Through the tales, told by humans, of the effects of his contacts with them.
Jupiter has the dark Earth up to the sky, and all the generations she nourishes; Poseidon has the briny wine-colored sea, down to the depths, and the whole cohort of the aquatic creatures; Hades has the land below the Earth, below life, the dry land of dust from where nobody ever comes back, because Hades's conversation is so fascinating...
Have you ever happened on Roberto Calasso's "The Marriage of Cadmus and Harmony"?
The loneliness of the gods.

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anon_j_anon April 18 2010, 18:24:27 UTC
I have not. I am looking it up online right now. It sounds fascinating.

I think I want to explore that, the realm of the mythologies not just of Greeks, Romans, Christians... but also myths and stories I grew up with at home. Stories of magpies who built a bridge of their bodies between a princess and a shepherd when they were separated from each other. The lovers cried so much, they almost drowned the world.

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danahid April 18 2010, 16:02:52 UTC
My boss called me just as I was going to respond to this section, and I've completely lost my train of thought. But perhaps that's right. This section feels like a springboard to the next.

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anon_j_anon April 18 2010, 18:25:59 UTC
It's interesting you say that, because I'm definitely learning to realize and recognize which of my poems are nice and good, and which are good. I think v is the best of this lot, but v is enriched by it context here, setting up the themes of forest and animal and nymphs.

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jupiterhand April 18 2010, 19:53:07 UTC
i think you've done a terrific account of incorporating so much into each stanza, and still building on (is it a traditional narrative structure?)

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