I've read this five or six times now, and still don't quite feel ready to comment. Here then a simple list of associative thoughts:
1) I am fascinated by your use of ellipsis. My mother was ... or I am ... - always after the verb 'to be'. The last, I am ... I've studied is particularly interesting as it brings across a change in tense. Not yet sure what motivates this.
2) Number of verses/strophe: 9/3/9/3/9/2 (= 35). This seems revealing, gives a sense of incompleteness as a result of having left home. The period is final. There's a great ambivalence about the final strophe's fragmented syntax, the symbolism of cactus, and of rose -- after Father ran his truck into Mother's bunch of them. At the same time, I'm inclined to see this also as a sign of incompleteness, as if the strophe were a bud waiting for growth at some future point. The imagery is very beautiful.
3) perforation / indentation / leanness / texture - I can see this in the text, too. Perforation is clear: /. Indentation as well in the parenthesis. Perhaps the use of
( ... )
Re: 6. I'm still unsure of this theory, but it seems to me that the reason for 9 - 3 could lie in the family structure. Each stanza with 9 verses has mention of both parents and at least one child, and if each person stands for 3 then 3 x 3 makes 9.
If I were writing a paper, I might mention this theory, but I wouldn't put my weight on it, for it reduces too much.
2. I actually thought of it as (4-1-4) 3 (4-1-4) 3 (4-1-4) 2. Incompleteness, completeness... I know that I'm present in the poem, but... ellipsis. My father, my sister, seem more solid.
5. Family, on a lot of levels. This is about a different aesthetic--that of gardens--and it has as much to do with space as evaluating the objects themselves. The way we arrange ourselves around each other, the way we look at the space surrounding.
6. father-I-mother (general) father-sister-mother (I) father-mother-(we)-I-sister (them/me) Is what went through my mind writing.
Online interpretation is so interesting. Am I giving too much away? Am I limiting the possible meanings? Is this dialog useful? Should words simply stand alone?
(4-1-4) 3 (4-1-4) 3 (4-1-4) 2. Yes, of course - the moments of abstraction in the parenthesis, where objects, images come to the forefront. The text makes it clear, but I was so stuck on my family theory that I missed it. In that context, your words - the way we look at the space surrounding - suddenly open my eyes. I now see the brief moments (1) as the flowers in boulders in the garden that is both described and represented by the text, but also as something else, something I am fighting to describe, that these words - The way we arrange ourselves around each other - capture better than anything I've come up with myself.
Online interpretation is so interesting. Am I giving too much away? Am I limiting the possible meanings? Is this dialog useful? Should words simply stand alone?
I don't think you're giving too much away -- certainly not more than any poet answering questions at a reading. Limiting the possible meanings? Here, too, I don't think so. You've given me new directions to think in, opened my reading, but I don't feel
( ... )
while i'm a lot less observant than the previous commenter, i have to agree that it's impressive. really beautiful visuals and an interesting structure.
Thanks. And don't worry about matching darstellen-- I'm really happy to get all sorts of comments. Q: Why don't you post more of your writing on your journal?
Somehow it seems fitting that one of the parents collects rocks and the other plants around them. The bones and the flesh of the earth, joined to make something solid and living. The parting gift is a metaphor of the grown-up child: as tough, spare and well defended as a cactus, in a protective nest of rocks. One child, the sister, loves and collects small rocks as colourful as plants. What is the other child, the one who's leaving, fond of doing? Are words a collection of solid, living, colourful things to match the sister's?
My sister made her own garden. I am ... I don´t know. Are words a collection of solid, living, colorful things? We each received, made, a legacy but ... what is mine?
Comments 10
1) I am fascinated by your use of ellipsis. My mother was ... or I am ... - always after the verb 'to be'. The last, I am ... I've studied is particularly interesting as it brings across a change in tense. Not yet sure what motivates this.
2) Number of verses/strophe: 9/3/9/3/9/2 (= 35). This seems revealing, gives a sense of incompleteness as a result of having left home. The period is final. There's a great ambivalence about the final strophe's fragmented syntax, the symbolism of cactus, and of rose -- after Father ran his truck into Mother's bunch of them. At the same time, I'm inclined to see this also as a sign of incompleteness, as if the strophe were a bud waiting for growth at some future point. The imagery is very beautiful.
3) perforation / indentation / leanness / texture - I can see this in the text, too. Perforation is clear: /. Indentation as well in the parenthesis. Perhaps the use of ( ... )
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If I were writing a paper, I might mention this theory, but I wouldn't put my weight on it, for it reduces too much.
Reply
5. Family, on a lot of levels. This is about a different aesthetic--that of gardens--and it has as much to do with space as evaluating the objects themselves. The way we arrange ourselves around each other, the way we look at the space surrounding.
6. father-I-mother (general) father-sister-mother (I) father-mother-(we)-I-sister (them/me)
Is what went through my mind writing.
Online interpretation is so interesting. Am I giving too much away? Am I limiting the possible meanings? Is this dialog useful? Should words simply stand alone?
Reply
Yes, of course - the moments of abstraction in the parenthesis, where objects, images come to the forefront. The text makes it clear, but I was so stuck on my family theory that I missed it. In that context, your words - the way we look at the space surrounding - suddenly open my eyes. I now see the brief moments (1) as the flowers in boulders in the garden that is both described and represented by the text, but also as something else, something I am fighting to describe, that these words - The way we arrange ourselves around each other - capture better than anything I've come up with myself.
Online interpretation is so interesting. Am I giving too much away? Am I limiting the possible meanings? Is this dialog useful? Should words simply stand alone?
I don't think you're giving too much away -- certainly not more than any poet answering questions at a reading.
Limiting the possible meanings? Here, too, I don't think so. You've given me new directions to think in, opened my reading, but I don't feel ( ... )
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One child, the sister, loves and collects small rocks as colourful as plants.
What is the other child, the one who's leaving, fond of doing?
Are words a collection of solid, living, colourful things to match the sister's?
Reply
My sister made her own garden. I am ... I don´t know. Are words a collection of solid, living, colorful things? We each received, made, a legacy but ... what is mine?
Reply
Reply
I can't offer analysis as darstellen can either.
I can say this: I admire your courage in sharing so much of yourself. So beautifully.
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