Fic: Observations, Ch 201
I drove it out of Scotty. But instead of taking up residence in my consciousness, it has fled to
“REDJAC REDJAC REDJAC REDJAC REDJAC I HAVE CONTROL OF YOUR COMPUTERS!”
“Will that stupid thing just shut up already?” Sulu rolled his eyes. “This is the first time I’ve heard a malfunction threaten us.”
“Rebyata, I am getting a headache.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Christine answered. “I think it’s a nice change. We’re familiar with ship emergencies. We’ve been through so many of them, life support failure hardly seems like something to worry about.”
“You’ve got a point.”
“Y’all shouldn’t be laughing yet. If this virus gets a hold of Sickbay controls, there’s only so much I can do.”
Everyone’s expression sobered.
“Way to kill the mood, Doc.”
“Da.”
“Thanks is all I need. Spock, how’s hide and seek with the computer systems going?”
My fingers flew over the keyboard. The computer scientists on board were scrambling to keep everything secure, bringing systems back online that Redjac had disconnected.
“It is proceeding.”
“How long’s it been since you slept?”
“That has no bearing on the situation at present.”
“That long, huh? You’re beginning to sound like a computer, Commander,” Sulu said.
“Irrelevant.”
“YOU CAN’T STOP ME NOW! IT’LL DO NO GOOD! I CONTROL ALL CIRCUITS! YOU CANNOT SILENCE ME! YOU CANNOT REACH ME! YOUR MANUAL OVERRIDES ARE EXTREMELY LIMITED IN LIFE!”
Silence.
Then Sulu, Pavel, Christine and Leonard burst out laughing. Other members of the bridge were laughing as well.
“Wow. ‘Your manual overrides are extremely limited in life!’” Sulu said in falsetto.
“Oh, I am quaking in fear in my little Starfleet boots! Hikaru, save me!”
“Never fear, fair damsel,” Sulu stood, pretending to wield his foil. “I shall slay this manual override. Its life is extremely limited! Nothing can withstand the power of my autocontrol!”
“Oh, my hero!”
“Redjac, striking fear in the hearts of mortals since stardate 3614.9,” Leonard sniggered. “I can drink to that.”
“SOON ALL CONTROL WILL BE RESTORED TO MEEEE! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO PREVENT IT!”
“‘Meeeeeeeee!’” Pavel said, tone off key. “‘Soon all control will be restored to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
“Meeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha! Evil villain is evil! You will all die!”
“Meeeeee fa so la ti dooooo ti la so fa mi re do,” Christine sang. “Do mi mi, mi so so, re fa fa, la ti ti.”
“Y’all’ve gone insane.”
“Well, Doc, it’s like this,” Sulu slung an arm around Leonard’s shoulder. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!”
“I AM WITHOUT ENDING! I HAVE EXISTED FROM THE DAWN OF TIME, AND I SHALL LIVE BEYOND ITS END!”
Pause.
“IN THE MEANTIME, I SHALL FEED-”
The bridge howled with laughter.
“‘In the meantime’? ‘In the meantime’?”
“In the meantime, while I wait for you puny mortals to perish from sheer laughter, I will paint my toenails,” Christine. “It’s not easy to do, you know, living beyond the end of time.”
Inspired by Christine’s singing, I altered the voice coming through the intercoms. We had lost control of turning the comms off entirely, but there was this option of distorting Redjac’s voice.
“I SHALL FEED AND THIS TIME I DO NOT NEED A KNIFE!”
“Oh. My. God. He sounds like a chipmunk.”
Sulu and Chekov were doubled over with laughter. There were dark circles around their eyes from the triple shifts they were pulling, but they were laughing.
“Hear that, Pasha? He doesn’t need a knife. He doesn’t need a knife. Our baby psycho’s all grown up, moving on to,” Sulu pretended to sniff, “terrorism.”
“YOU WILL ALL DIE HORRIBLY IN SEARING PAIN!”
“Spock, I thought you said this monster was clever. Why the hell does it keep talking?”
“It appears that Redjac is not as intelligent as we credited it with being.”
“That’s a mighty shame. I was really getting good and terrified for a while.”
“I am deeply sorry for your loss.”
Leonard grinned.
“I CAN CUT OFF YOUR OXYGEN AND SUFFOCATE YOU!”
“Then do it already!” Sulu shouted at the comm.
“NO NO NO NO NO!”
“That sounds worse than Joanna when she throws a tantrum.”
“NO! NO NO!”
“Znayete, you know how we are always meeting these beings that are saying they are omniscient and omnipotent and eternal?”
“Yeah?”
“Sometimes I am thinking, if someone is claiming to be God, I will ask them: are you all knowing, all powerful, and newer dying? If they are saying yes, I know they are not God. If they are saying no, I know they are not God.”
“Wait, what? If they say yes or no, they’re not God?”
“That is what I am thinking.”
“Then what do they say?” Christine asked.
Pavel shrugged.
“Nothing. Maybe they change the subject to talk about the weather.”
A pause.
“You’re a genius, you know that?”
“I know that.”
“NO NO KILL YOU ALL! DIE! MAKE YOU SUFFER!”
“What’re the chances Redjac will talk about the weather?”
“Wery slim.”
“Want to bet on it?”
“You should not make so many best you will lose, Hikaru.”
“YOU’LL SEE! YOU’LL SEE!”
And with that, Redjac left the computer systems. The programmers, however, continued to guard the security of the various ship systems.
“Giotto to Bridge. Sir, Redjac’s in Hengist’s body.”
“Sedate him and bring him to the transporter room immediately.”
I went to the turbolift. Sulu, Pavel, Leonard, and Christine followed me.
For reasons unknown, Christine began singing, the sound lighthearted and playful.
“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream.”
When we entered the transporter room, Chekov immediately went to the console and set up the coordinates. Leonard had his tricorder out, assessing the condition of Hengist and making final records. Christine and Sulu stood by, leaning into each other.
“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream.”
“I’m going to sleep for two shifts after this,” Sulu said. “What a nightmare.”
“Dr. McCoy, I take full responsibility for the death of Hengist.”
“Shut up Spock and get on with it so that we can all crawl into bed. None of your tomfoolery now.”
“Lt. Chekov, subatomic separation. Then scatter the particles to distinct regions of space, once of which should be the center of this system’s star.”
“Aye, sir.”
“And one part for deep space, full power, wide angle dispersion.”
“Ready, Commander.”
“Good. Then energize.”
Everyone gathered in the transporter room seemed to hold their breaths while Pavel manipulated the controls. No one exhaled until the body dematerialized completely.
As a formality, Leonard used his tricorder to detect any sign of what was formerly Administrator Hengist.
He looked at his tricorder.
“Nothing.”
“Oh thank goodness,” Christine exhaled. “I feel like my eyes are going to fall out.”
“I’m going to sleep.”
“I ya tozhe. Poka.”
“I will ensure that no one disturbs you.”
“Now what the hell do you think you’re doing? Pulling another shift?”
“No is available to command the Enterprise except myself.”
“Give the conn to one of the pilots, for God’s sakes, they can handle it. We’re still in orbit, Spock. Nothing’s going to happen.”
I shook my head.
“I should report in with the Admiral and Lt. Shaw.”
“Report after you’ve meditated a few hours or something. You look like you’re going to collapse on your feet.”
“Leonard-”
He held up a hypospray menacingly.
I looked at him.
“I see.”
“You damn well better.”
“Then I submit to your recommendation on one condition.”
“What?”
“You also sleep for at least eight hours.”
Leonard glared at me.
“I’m used to working long hours.”
“As am I. Surely you can leave Sickbay to the care of your nurses.”
“Don’t you go twisting my words, you infernal green-blooded-”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Five hours.”
“Seven.”
“Five and a half.”
“Seven.”
“Six.”
“Seven.”
“Six and half and that’s my final offer.”
“Done,” I nerve pinched him, calculated to last seven hours.
“That wasn’t fair, Spock,” Christine smiled.
“I will rest as well. I am a Vulcan of my word.”
“And in case you aren’t,” she jabbed me with a hypospray. “You’ll fall asleep in thirty minutes. I assume you know where Leonard’s quarters are?”
“Yes,” I picked him up.
“I have to get a picture of this sometime. You two are too adorable not to be brothers.”