I'm so wonewy....
Alright.... I must admit something. WORK SUCKS!!!!!! I truly do hate my job. Granted the money is decent, and it not hard by any stretch of the imagination, but it just sucks. At least for me. I just spent 8 hours sitting in a golf cart in a parking lot with only the seagulls as company, and get a whopping hour off before I have go go sit in the lobby of an abandoned building for 8 hours. Hooray me!!! Yeah, not even a little bit. I always viewed myself as a loner, happiest and able to be alone all the time and love it. And then I started working security where for 8-16 hours at a time I have only my own thoughts to keep me company. I feel alone and get these urges to just pick up my phone and call everyone I know. Of course I usually don't because most people don't appreciate being woken up at 3am "just to chat". So I sit, and i brood, and a feel suppressed until that magic 8th hour comes up and my relief arrives. I'm so happy to be able to see and speak with a live human being I have to resist the urge to just run up and hug the guy. ( I know.. freaky weird right... well I agree) I have truly discovered I can't stand to be alone. And its not just work. If I am home by myself, I start getting the urge to just drink.. a lot. When I get of work and I've been alone and in a depressed mood, then I get home to an empty place, then I want to drink even more. Booze of course attenuates my mental state and I get even worse in a never ending spiral. Thank God I don't keep liqueur in the house any more, or I'd always be drunk. So yeah... there it is. One of my fears, you know those Fears with the capital "F" that permeate your psyche and define part of who you are. Well, there is a big one of mine.. I hate to be alone.... And on that note.. it off to the abandoned building for 8 hours. [I think I'm going to go insane.]