impending doom.
17 days counting today until i start my 8 year fucking prison sentence. what the fuck?
at this point there is still a possibility that i could get a better plea, but it wont happen and im not being negative (ive been so fucking positive) but im being realistic...only the prosecutor can change, that would never happen. my lawyer and judge cant do anything, the law is so specific with cops.
i have accepted all of this, and i always feel like it hits me...but i think when i walk back into estrella jail it'll hit me so fucking hard i'll likely have a heart attack right there.
im so frustrated, i've changed so much and i know i'll change more as i hope too...this has helped me....but then you have these repeat offender idiots who learn nothing and just get all these chances...how is that someone is genuinely helped by this that has never been in trouble doesnt get one fucking chance?
and i mean truly, this is a second chance cause im not fucking dead. but im talking legal chances.
and there is no denying that i was a fucked up out of control criminal, i will plead guilty all day long to the crimes i'm guilty of...but the charge sending me to prison is BANANAS!
and i mean i really dont know what kind of crimes should warrant what kind of punishment, but i know me being a fucking high as hell idiot scared of the cops that ran over a toe...does not warrant 8 fucking years.
i dont think like this...but this makes me nuts....you know we have this great privated lawyer, and he did this big letter and shit trying bring up all the reasns they should lower if not drop my cop charges...when he talked to my prosecutor to see if she would say if she was thinking about it...she was like "i dont know, lucas allready signed and i have to be fair"...one, ofcourse i dont think he deserves this and i feel for him...and i know we have all the same cases, but we are two different people...he has been in and out of jail and has priors, lied this whole time through court...well when he signed his plea, the prosecutor wanted to give him 10 1/2 years...but his p.o. talked them down to 8, so if he gets 2 1/2 years knocked off and fairness is so fucking important to her shouldnt i get 5 1/2?
ugggh, i dont think that way...but if thats how she put it to my lawyer and wont even consider easing up on me due to "fairness" i expect some fairness in this unfair situation. and obviously lucas and i have both fucked up majorly but i dont think he is a horrible person or anything...lost like me....but from a legal standpoint, if this lady is holding us in such comparison i should look really good.
my mom paid for dameon to come out here and visit me, he'll be here next week. so fucking awesome.
i love my mom so much.
it's weird there are so many amazing things happening right now but really everything is so depressing, but i can't tell the difference. i'm so numb, its like i feel like im constantly on the verge of tears but i cant cry...i might be able to get a laugh out, thats it.
its weird to write in her.
at this point there is still a possibility that i could get a better plea, but it wont happen and im not being negative (ive been so fucking positive) but im being realistic...only the prosecutor can change, that would never happen. my lawyer and judge cant do anything, the law is so specific with cops.
i have accepted all of this, and i always feel like it hits me...but i think when i walk back into estrella jail it'll hit me so fucking hard i'll likely have a heart attack right there.
im so frustrated, i've changed so much and i know i'll change more as i hope too...this has helped me....but then you have these repeat offender idiots who learn nothing and just get all these chances...how is that someone is genuinely helped by this that has never been in trouble doesnt get one fucking chance?
and i mean truly, this is a second chance cause im not fucking dead. but im talking legal chances.
and there is no denying that i was a fucked up out of control criminal, i will plead guilty all day long to the crimes i'm guilty of...but the charge sending me to prison is BANANAS!
and i mean i really dont know what kind of crimes should warrant what kind of punishment, but i know me being a fucking high as hell idiot scared of the cops that ran over a toe...does not warrant 8 fucking years.
i dont think like this...but this makes me nuts....you know we have this great privated lawyer, and he did this big letter and shit trying bring up all the reasns they should lower if not drop my cop charges...when he talked to my prosecutor to see if she would say if she was thinking about it...she was like "i dont know, lucas allready signed and i have to be fair"...one, ofcourse i dont think he deserves this and i feel for him...and i know we have all the same cases, but we are two different people...he has been in and out of jail and has priors, lied this whole time through court...well when he signed his plea, the prosecutor wanted to give him 10 1/2 years...but his p.o. talked them down to 8, so if he gets 2 1/2 years knocked off and fairness is so fucking important to her shouldnt i get 5 1/2?
ugggh, i dont think that way...but if thats how she put it to my lawyer and wont even consider easing up on me due to "fairness" i expect some fairness in this unfair situation. and obviously lucas and i have both fucked up majorly but i dont think he is a horrible person or anything...lost like me....but from a legal standpoint, if this lady is holding us in such comparison i should look really good.
my mom paid for dameon to come out here and visit me, he'll be here next week. so fucking awesome.
i love my mom so much.
it's weird there are so many amazing things happening right now but really everything is so depressing, but i can't tell the difference. i'm so numb, its like i feel like im constantly on the verge of tears but i cant cry...i might be able to get a laugh out, thats it.
its weird to write in her.