S.O.S.
Where has my spiritual urgency gone?
Things no longer weigh so heavy and apathy creeps back in. I fall so often that I'd rather just stay down and save myself the energy of getting back up, when the energy in fact doesn't come all that much from me anyway.
Mr. Samson:
He was chosen for a purpose and it seemed that he had forfeited that purpose when he told of his secret to the one with whom he lusted after. His eyes were gouged out and he was on display for public humiliation, this man. We know that he fulfilled his purpose after all because upon bringing the Philistine temple down, he killed many of the leaders of that nation and put into motion the deliverance of Israel.
Now here is my wonder:
In his last prayer, Samson asks with fervor that God remember him and that He fill him once more so that he might kill the Philistines... from the time in which Samson was captured though to the moment in which he sent up that prayer, what was he thinking and what was his awareness in terms of fulfilling his purpose? When his hair was shaved and he was bound and lost his eyes, what had he thought? Did he then think that he was done and would so never fulfill his purpose? In fact, I don't even recall reading that Samson himself knew what his purpose was. Rather, his parents were told by the angel. Samson fulfills his purpose, he does, but did he even know what his purpose was? Even in his prayer we see that his request was, in his mind, an opportunity to avenge the taking of his eyes, but God's plan was greater. During the time he spent in prison, what was his mindset? What did he know of God's purpose for his life and the fulfillment of it? God had a plan for this guy's life and regardless of what happened with him and Delilah, or him and the prostitute, or him and his first Philistine wife... God's purpose was fulfilled. God spoke and it came to pass; it's a simple principle of sovereignty. lol... simple principle of sovereignty. God being the all knowing that He is, I even wonder if Samson going after the ladies that he did and making the trip ups that he did up until his end were all in fact in the original plan or had God simply used the situation that Samson had gotten himself into to fulfill the purpose in another way?
Questions like these plague me and yet I make little to no effort to find out for myself.
Lately it seems that my spiritual eyes have been taken from me and I walk everywhere blindly. I sit here and really think about that statement and moisture wells up in my eyes. I've yet to hear an audible voice nor have I diligently sought after a response from God to the question of my purpose and plan, and I wonder if I'll ever really know. I've grown tired, apathetic, and selfish and it's taking the life away from me. I remember when revival broke loose last year and I couldn't stand to be out of God's presence; if there was a prayer meeting after service, I had to be there. If some folks were going to stay around the church all night and just worship and pray, I had to be there and when it ended I usually didn't want it to. I wanted more and more and more and more and more... and I could never get enough. Now? 24 hour prayer for a whole week is available and I don't go for but an hour or two the last night it's available.
I remember during youth conference when the Chi town kids came down and they were hot with fire. One night, Patrick came up to me after service and said we were going to meet up in the fellowship hall in about 10 minutes to just pray and get a hold of God, but a few people were going out to eat and hang for some good times so I just left to go do that instead. I walked away from church that night with a faint tug at my heart and I ignored it. Why?!?
What have I become, O Jesus? What have I become? Am I supposed to sit in prison and grind blindly in the dark until the appointed time? I can't stand this anymore, Lord, I can't.
I'm tired; I'm exhausted. I miss you. ;[ ;[ ;[
The whole situation at work isn't helping either.
I do find comfort in the fact that I serve a God who leaves nothing unfinished and a God who, though He hasn't stated specifically, has stated there is a purpose for my life and a great one at that. If I get back to that place where I once was and I die a week later, guns ablaze, yet fulfilling my purpose in the process... I will only be thankful to Him for allowing me the priveledge and honor of doing so.
I really miss that intimacy, Lord; change this heart again.
Things no longer weigh so heavy and apathy creeps back in. I fall so often that I'd rather just stay down and save myself the energy of getting back up, when the energy in fact doesn't come all that much from me anyway.
Mr. Samson:
He was chosen for a purpose and it seemed that he had forfeited that purpose when he told of his secret to the one with whom he lusted after. His eyes were gouged out and he was on display for public humiliation, this man. We know that he fulfilled his purpose after all because upon bringing the Philistine temple down, he killed many of the leaders of that nation and put into motion the deliverance of Israel.
Now here is my wonder:
In his last prayer, Samson asks with fervor that God remember him and that He fill him once more so that he might kill the Philistines... from the time in which Samson was captured though to the moment in which he sent up that prayer, what was he thinking and what was his awareness in terms of fulfilling his purpose? When his hair was shaved and he was bound and lost his eyes, what had he thought? Did he then think that he was done and would so never fulfill his purpose? In fact, I don't even recall reading that Samson himself knew what his purpose was. Rather, his parents were told by the angel. Samson fulfills his purpose, he does, but did he even know what his purpose was? Even in his prayer we see that his request was, in his mind, an opportunity to avenge the taking of his eyes, but God's plan was greater. During the time he spent in prison, what was his mindset? What did he know of God's purpose for his life and the fulfillment of it? God had a plan for this guy's life and regardless of what happened with him and Delilah, or him and the prostitute, or him and his first Philistine wife... God's purpose was fulfilled. God spoke and it came to pass; it's a simple principle of sovereignty. lol... simple principle of sovereignty. God being the all knowing that He is, I even wonder if Samson going after the ladies that he did and making the trip ups that he did up until his end were all in fact in the original plan or had God simply used the situation that Samson had gotten himself into to fulfill the purpose in another way?
Questions like these plague me and yet I make little to no effort to find out for myself.
Lately it seems that my spiritual eyes have been taken from me and I walk everywhere blindly. I sit here and really think about that statement and moisture wells up in my eyes. I've yet to hear an audible voice nor have I diligently sought after a response from God to the question of my purpose and plan, and I wonder if I'll ever really know. I've grown tired, apathetic, and selfish and it's taking the life away from me. I remember when revival broke loose last year and I couldn't stand to be out of God's presence; if there was a prayer meeting after service, I had to be there. If some folks were going to stay around the church all night and just worship and pray, I had to be there and when it ended I usually didn't want it to. I wanted more and more and more and more and more... and I could never get enough. Now? 24 hour prayer for a whole week is available and I don't go for but an hour or two the last night it's available.
I remember during youth conference when the Chi town kids came down and they were hot with fire. One night, Patrick came up to me after service and said we were going to meet up in the fellowship hall in about 10 minutes to just pray and get a hold of God, but a few people were going out to eat and hang for some good times so I just left to go do that instead. I walked away from church that night with a faint tug at my heart and I ignored it. Why?!?
What have I become, O Jesus? What have I become? Am I supposed to sit in prison and grind blindly in the dark until the appointed time? I can't stand this anymore, Lord, I can't.
I'm tired; I'm exhausted. I miss you. ;[ ;[ ;[
The whole situation at work isn't helping either.
I do find comfort in the fact that I serve a God who leaves nothing unfinished and a God who, though He hasn't stated specifically, has stated there is a purpose for my life and a great one at that. If I get back to that place where I once was and I die a week later, guns ablaze, yet fulfilling my purpose in the process... I will only be thankful to Him for allowing me the priveledge and honor of doing so.
I really miss that intimacy, Lord; change this heart again.