My brain has exploded and is on the ground
Oh fuck fuck fuck.
I'm so stressed.
I'm so depressed.
I'm leaving.
My brain is so confused.
Shit shit shit!
Here's some stream of conscience:
I am sitting here trying to write my 10 page research paper and my mind keeps going back to my day with Todd yesterday. But then my mind goes to the futility of it all! Ah it pisses me off so much. I mean we only have two weeks left together, forever in our lives. I'm going to Germany, he's going to graduate in the spring. I mean I am willing to try it out long distance. I don't care. It's going to suck but I don't care. He could come visit me in Germany during Calvin's spring break and we could both work in Germany together this summer. Then next year...who knows. But what am I saying...I'm so insane! I mean he might not even want to hang out with me again or might not be willing to give this...thing...or whatever is going on between us...a try. It's just such a terrible situation. I mean we meet, we really really like hanging out with each other, I mean he must like me a bit to do all of this. And now, now we don't have any time left. I don't want to waste anymore time. But I don't know if he feels the same way. Maybe this was just a one time deal and my mind will always wonder 'what if'. I sincerely hope not. But yeah, so that's the massive massive mess in my brain. I've been having trouble concentrating all day. In some ways I wish yesterday never happened. It's just too sad and confusing. I know maybe I should just appreciate it for what it was and move on and forget about any future. But I just can't do that! My mind doesn't work that way. I always think about the future. I mean, what's the point of doing anything if it won't have an effect in the future? Aaaah I don't know. Ooooh this sucks so bad. But it was so amazing. :-\ I'm so distraught. I AM SUCH A FOOL TO LET THIS GET TO ME SO MUCH! WHY DO I HAVE THESE EMOTIONS?! WHY DO I THINK SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN OUR RELATIONSHIP? IT WON'T. WE'LL NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN. GET USED TO IT KRISTI. YOU IDIOT! FUCK.
Ok, back to attempting to write my paper.
I'm so stressed.
I'm so depressed.
I'm leaving.
My brain is so confused.
Shit shit shit!
Here's some stream of conscience:
I am sitting here trying to write my 10 page research paper and my mind keeps going back to my day with Todd yesterday. But then my mind goes to the futility of it all! Ah it pisses me off so much. I mean we only have two weeks left together, forever in our lives. I'm going to Germany, he's going to graduate in the spring. I mean I am willing to try it out long distance. I don't care. It's going to suck but I don't care. He could come visit me in Germany during Calvin's spring break and we could both work in Germany together this summer. Then next year...who knows. But what am I saying...I'm so insane! I mean he might not even want to hang out with me again or might not be willing to give this...thing...or whatever is going on between us...a try. It's just such a terrible situation. I mean we meet, we really really like hanging out with each other, I mean he must like me a bit to do all of this. And now, now we don't have any time left. I don't want to waste anymore time. But I don't know if he feels the same way. Maybe this was just a one time deal and my mind will always wonder 'what if'. I sincerely hope not. But yeah, so that's the massive massive mess in my brain. I've been having trouble concentrating all day. In some ways I wish yesterday never happened. It's just too sad and confusing. I know maybe I should just appreciate it for what it was and move on and forget about any future. But I just can't do that! My mind doesn't work that way. I always think about the future. I mean, what's the point of doing anything if it won't have an effect in the future? Aaaah I don't know. Ooooh this sucks so bad. But it was so amazing. :-\ I'm so distraught. I AM SUCH A FOOL TO LET THIS GET TO ME SO MUCH! WHY DO I HAVE THESE EMOTIONS?! WHY DO I THINK SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN OUR RELATIONSHIP? IT WON'T. WE'LL NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN. GET USED TO IT KRISTI. YOU IDIOT! FUCK.
Ok, back to attempting to write my paper.