(no subject)
My Bipolar disorder is seriously a fucking disability.
I hole up in a house
I stopped driving altogether... mostly because my eyesight is failing due to an undiagnosed lazy eye.
I am constantly annoyed via phone by relatives somewhat new to me, who drop really obvious hints such as : "Oh, You should let my *Susie come over and watch Jacob.. better yet....she could sleep there this weekend and be mommies helper...." more like...'let my kid annoy you and infect your infant baby with elementary school sludge...'
I am VERY VERY VERY VERY scared of certain things.. to the point of panic breakdowns.. even though I AM FULLY AWARE how silly these things are to be this scared of...
When My panic finally comes to a head I have one day of peace before days of crying....
The Christmas tree fell over ...shattering ornaments that I had since birth... I cried as though my mother had died....it felt like something died.. and I cried for 8 hours...literally... 8 hours
I obsessively clean things and get VERY agitated when I am asked to think more than one thought at once.. breaks in my routine when i am manic really bug me out...
now I am so depressed I let myself get so so so so so so sick.. almost unconsciously until I was almost septic
I have no motivation to do anything for myself whatsovever.. and therefore am so grateful that I have people to divert my attentions to in my life....
Maybe I should go on disability.
It's actually occoured to me that I've never worked a job that was up to my potential because I couldn't be in a job situation that couldn't make allowances for my emotional instability.
I'm a prisoner.....and the prison gaurd
I hole up in a house
I stopped driving altogether... mostly because my eyesight is failing due to an undiagnosed lazy eye.
I am constantly annoyed via phone by relatives somewhat new to me, who drop really obvious hints such as : "Oh, You should let my *Susie come over and watch Jacob.. better yet....she could sleep there this weekend and be mommies helper...." more like...'let my kid annoy you and infect your infant baby with elementary school sludge...'
I am VERY VERY VERY VERY scared of certain things.. to the point of panic breakdowns.. even though I AM FULLY AWARE how silly these things are to be this scared of...
When My panic finally comes to a head I have one day of peace before days of crying....
The Christmas tree fell over ...shattering ornaments that I had since birth... I cried as though my mother had died....it felt like something died.. and I cried for 8 hours...literally... 8 hours
I obsessively clean things and get VERY agitated when I am asked to think more than one thought at once.. breaks in my routine when i am manic really bug me out...
now I am so depressed I let myself get so so so so so so sick.. almost unconsciously until I was almost septic
I have no motivation to do anything for myself whatsovever.. and therefore am so grateful that I have people to divert my attentions to in my life....
Maybe I should go on disability.
It's actually occoured to me that I've never worked a job that was up to my potential because I couldn't be in a job situation that couldn't make allowances for my emotional instability.
I'm a prisoner.....and the prison gaurd