(no subject)
Erasing Stick Figures in an Attempt for Structure
Oh, despair
You have me well my friend.
Like a child seeks refugee in his parents arms,
The kind of parents that are forcing knives down their children's throats,
To describe the pains of the swallowing hard.
For once in my life,
Could I just be perfect?
Standing against the concrete wall,
James Dean persona,
cigarette dragging away the fickle obsession that I will one day
leave this world.
Fiction burns me through to the marrow.
charcoal bones and fevered promises.
Carrying the virus that will one day kill us all.
I would scream from the rooftop,
"I am still here,
I am not dead yet"
Proclaiming my existence;
But I don't need this to be justified.
I just need to know,
That no one can say,
I didn't die trying.
So, yeah my days continue to suck...My thoughts are on things that probably didn't even happen, but due to what I have seen my thoughts are justified. I told myself that I just need to get over all of this, not worry about this and that and just move on. I, however, don't want to. I want to know that everything is going to be alright and that my emotions are worth more then just something to be ignored. I just want to know everything, and now I am at a point where I feel like I can't trust anyone except for my best friend. Who was doing nothing but building my damaged self esteem and taking my mind off the things that I have been thinking. I just think I deserve more than this, I look at my life and have lived it well, there are worse people in the world. Why am I the one then right now who is feeling so worthless? The answer is very simple really, I have a shovel and the purpose to dig myself a deep dark hole. The only thing is no one who gave me the shovel is simply telling me to keep digging. When the thing I need most right now is to simply be held, is to stop being caste aside, is to be loved. These are things I can only get from one person who is only asking me to keep digging.
I miss so many things, Being held tight and asked not to go, warm embrace, being desired, making love. I can't have any of these things, even if I tried. I won't push myself to be so weak that I go and just have meaningless sex with someone, that isn't what I miss. I miss being inside someone and them holding me tightly whispering I love you in my ear. I miss being yelled at, hard to believe but I do. So many things and all I can do is miss them, all I can do is just deny myself what I want. All I can do is be denied the love I desire to have again. Well, I must stop this, I just really needed to say all that and get it off my chest.
May you find your place.
Oh, despair
You have me well my friend.
Like a child seeks refugee in his parents arms,
The kind of parents that are forcing knives down their children's throats,
To describe the pains of the swallowing hard.
For once in my life,
Could I just be perfect?
Standing against the concrete wall,
James Dean persona,
cigarette dragging away the fickle obsession that I will one day
leave this world.
Fiction burns me through to the marrow.
charcoal bones and fevered promises.
Carrying the virus that will one day kill us all.
I would scream from the rooftop,
"I am still here,
I am not dead yet"
Proclaiming my existence;
But I don't need this to be justified.
I just need to know,
That no one can say,
I didn't die trying.
So, yeah my days continue to suck...My thoughts are on things that probably didn't even happen, but due to what I have seen my thoughts are justified. I told myself that I just need to get over all of this, not worry about this and that and just move on. I, however, don't want to. I want to know that everything is going to be alright and that my emotions are worth more then just something to be ignored. I just want to know everything, and now I am at a point where I feel like I can't trust anyone except for my best friend. Who was doing nothing but building my damaged self esteem and taking my mind off the things that I have been thinking. I just think I deserve more than this, I look at my life and have lived it well, there are worse people in the world. Why am I the one then right now who is feeling so worthless? The answer is very simple really, I have a shovel and the purpose to dig myself a deep dark hole. The only thing is no one who gave me the shovel is simply telling me to keep digging. When the thing I need most right now is to simply be held, is to stop being caste aside, is to be loved. These are things I can only get from one person who is only asking me to keep digging.
I miss so many things, Being held tight and asked not to go, warm embrace, being desired, making love. I can't have any of these things, even if I tried. I won't push myself to be so weak that I go and just have meaningless sex with someone, that isn't what I miss. I miss being inside someone and them holding me tightly whispering I love you in my ear. I miss being yelled at, hard to believe but I do. So many things and all I can do is miss them, all I can do is just deny myself what I want. All I can do is be denied the love I desire to have again. Well, I must stop this, I just really needed to say all that and get it off my chest.
May you find your place.