RP: Uh oh.

[anon_james]

Date: December 28, 2002
Characters: James and Lily Potter.
Location: The Potter Residence
Status: Private
Summary: Determined to do everything he can to make things up to Lily, James decides to make dinner. Or... try to make dinner.
Complete: Complete.

Comments

[anon_lily]

Lily walked up to the front door and fished the keys out of her pocket, only to find that the door was unlocked, which meant that James was home before her... again. It seemed like he had been going out of his way to be home when she was lately. It was strange to say the least, considering that before everything went down hill, he could usually be found gallivanting around with Sirius and Remus at odd times of the day. Shrugging she opened the door and entered.

Once inside the hallway, she pulled off her winter coat, grimacing as her clothes underneath were revealed. One of the smaller children had unfortunately come down with a spot of the flu after playing too long in the snow the last couple of days. And even more unfortunately, the child had been unable to keep his breakfast and lunch down. So her shirt had gotten another colour. She quickly went upstairs and changed her shirt into a clean one, sniffing distastefully at the mess on the first one before she threw it in the hamper.

Suddenly, the smell that had been lingering in the house since she entered finally hit her and with wide eyes, Lily hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen. What she found was an interesting sight. James in an apron and with something brown and red all over his hair and face. The kitchen itself looked like a warzone and Lily stared, slightly horrified. She was not cleaning this up. "What do you think you're doing?" She asked slowly.

[anon_james]

The apron had been his attempt to keep clean. He'd planned to take a shower before Lily got home, and be waiting for her in crisp, clean clothing. Plans, obviously, had not gone as he foresaw.

He heard the door open and close, and steps going upstairs. He cursed for perhaps the twentieth time and began to rush, trying in vain to clean everything up before Lily could come downstairs and see the carnage.

Too late. His goose... more cooked than the chicken.

"Um... making dinner?" he said with a sheepish squeak. He smiled hesitantly, and wiped at his forehead, only to smear the chocolate and syrup again.

[anon_lily]

Lily walked into the kitchen, avoiding the puddles of... whatever it was supposed to be and took in the entire damage with a grimace. This was, she didn't know exactly how to describe this and reflected that it would do any good to even try. There were bits and pieces lying around everywhere. "Making... dinner?" Lily asked with an eyebrow arched in disbelief.

"And what exactly were you trying to make?" She glanced at the chicken and the vegetables. Lily made a face, then looked at James enquiringly and suspiciously. "Since when do you cook?"

[anon_james]

"Making dinner," he repeated, and swallowed, watching her take in the damage. He winced when she saw the puddle of honey mustard sauce, but thought it good at least that she'd managed to avoid slipping in it, unlike himself. When he turned to take up a dishcloth to wipe at the counter with, the big stain on the back of his pants was evident.

"Honey mustard chicken and roasted vegetables," he muttered in response to her question. He knew it was her favorite, and had wanted to make something she'd like. He'd been tempted to just order take-in and pretend he'd done it, but no, he just had to make it himself. "I'll clean up, Lily, I promise. And I'll order something so you don't have to cook."

Now, of course, she would be even more angry with him than before. He sighed, shoulders slumped, and went to retrieve the mop to clean up the sauce.

[anon_lily]

Lily looked at him incredulously and slightly surprised. He had tried to make her favourite food? James really wanted something then. He never cooked if he could get away with it. Well, she had never even seen him attempt it in as long as she had known him. "You better clean it up." She settled on answering to his promise, instead of trying to comprehend what he was up to or what he had done? Unless he was desperate to try and patch things up about the Winter Festival last week.

"I've cleaned up enough of your messes to last a life time." She said, allowing a small grin to part her lips as she watched him leaved to find the cleaning tools. And it was true, how many times hadn't Lily cleaned up after his and Sirius spectacular attempts at making breakfast after which they hurried out of the house at top speed? Or when one of their pranks or inventions went wrong? Or when they had dragged one of the new items from the twins' joke shop into the house? The least he could do this time was to actually clean up. "Order something from the Mellow Mushroom, would you?" Lily said offhandedly as she wandered around the kitchen, took a closer look at the chicken and then opened the stove to make sure it hadn't blown up.

[anon_james]

He winced. He'd said he would clean it up. Why did she have to act like he tried to get out of the responsibility? Was he really that bad on a regular basis? He listened to her talk about how she'd cleaned up enough of his messes before, and it only made him feel worse, as it was true. He agreed to order from the Mellow Mushroom with a nod, then went about cleaning up the kitchen as best he could in silence.

He ended up having to wash his hands off first, before he just spread more mess with them. Then he mopped the floor, and scrubbed down the counters, saving what remained of the chocolate mousse and strawberry syrup just in case. In the end, he also ended up putting the chicken away, not knowing if it could be saved but unwilling to throw away an entire bird. When he finished, the kitchen was as spotless as he left it, with the exception of the dirty cloths he used to wipe down the counters. These he took and put in a laundry hamper, followed quickly by his dirty clothing.

After a shower in which he allowed himself to let his emotions go without Lily around, and after dressing in clean clothes, James went back downstairs to ask Lily for details.

"Do you want pizza or a sandwich?" he murmured, subdued since his spectacular failure to please her.

[anon_lily]

Lily watched with amusement as James began cleaning up, amazed that he actually didn't manage to create more of a mess for which she was grateful. It was nice seeing someone else do the housework for a change and with a slight nod to herself, Lily walked out of the kitchen and into the living room where she sat down in her favourite chair and picked the book she had begun reading a few days ago. She soon found herself immersed in the story of the book and quietly kept reading. She didn't know how long she read, but it had to have been for a while, when James suddenly appeared by her side.

She looked up from her book and arched an eyebrow. He was wearing the "kicked-puppy" expression again and Lily sighed, closing her book. She gave him a small smile and nodded. "Sandwich would be preferable, the chicken sandwich if you would order that?"

[anon_james]

He nodded, used his wand to highlight the desired items on their take-out menu before sending it on to the Mellow Mushroom. At least the table was already set for when the food arrived.

Glancing at her, James took at deep breath. You can't keep going like this, he thought to himself, and somewhat to her. You haven't tried talking to her, either. Wife first, then son.

James moved to sit down next to her on the couch. His nervousness showed in how he fiddled with his shirt, and how he didn't speak immediately even though it was obvious he wanted to. His fidgeting hands moved down to pick at imaginary lint on his pants, and so great was his nervousness, he even began to pick at the couch. Finally, though, he swallowed, breathed in, and said, "Lily, can we talk?"

[anon_lily]

Lily watched him as he found the items on the menu and ordered for them both. Now she just hoped that Luigi or Mario were kind enough to have it delivered to their house. It was always the problem with the two proprieters of the Mellow Mushroom, you couldn't know exactly whether or not they were in the mood to deliver.

When he sat down beside her, she arched an eyebrow at his apparent nervousness. What was eating him? It took nearly all of her resolve not to reach out and swat his hands away from his shirt before his twisted the hem to shreds. Then his hands moved onto his pants and finally the fabric of the sofa. Lily watched him suspiciously for a while, when he finally spoke. "Talk?" She muttered. Had he finally gotten his act together and wanted to talk things over? She had avoided him for that reason, give him some space to think things over and get his thoughts straight... and to just avoid slapping him again. She could still feel the anger burning inside her when she thought of what he had done.

But did he want to explain himself more fully now? Slowly, she nodded. "If you want to talk, then go ahead."

[anon_james]

James hadn't thought about what mood Mario and Luigi might be in, or the possibility that he might have to actually go to the Mellow Mushroom. He still wasn't thinking about that, only about Lily, and their talk, or his desire to talk.

He just wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to be the only one talking, he wanted to listen to her as well. He just wanted to know how to make her happy, for he knew he'd never be happy again until she was. She'd make certain of that. All she had to do was never talk to him again and make him sleep on the couch forever. Or divorce him and marry Snape. Did he even need to divorce him? After all, their vows had been a variation of the usual "'til death do us part," and technically that had already happened.

When she told him to go ahead and talk, he grimaced. "I just want to talk. You know, talk? Like we used to. I don't want you to ignore me anymore. How are we supposed to work anything out that way?" His expression resembled something close to a pout as he glanced in the direction of the kitchen. "I had hoped we could talk over dinner...."

[anon_lily]

Lily cocked her head to one side at his words, then nodded slowly and gave him a small smile. "Over dinner then. Lets just hope that Luigi will come through for us." She got up and walked over to the window, looking out at the snow which was beginning to fall in thick blankets on the ground. Sighing, Lily turned around lightly crossed her arms over her chest and looked back at James.

"How do you see it working out?" She asked softly. "I say I forgive you and that's that? I can't do that, James. But... I want to understand your reasonings. I really do."

Lily ran her fingers through her hair with a sigh. "I'm not sure I can ever forgive you for leaving like that. Without even explaining it properly. But make me understand and I'll think about it."

[anon_james]

Her words hurt him. What's more, they confused him, as he still hadn't quite figured out what he was supposed to have done differently. Nor had he quite figured out what Lily really wanted from him. Either she could forgive him, or she couldn't. She either loved him, or she didn't. In his mind, if she couldn't forgive him, it meant she couldn't love him anymore.

He took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes to hide the fact they'd filled with stinging tears. "What is there to explain, Lily? I had to stop her. I ,had to. There wasn't a choice, any more than there was a choice of fighting Voldemort or not." Even now, use of the name chilled his spine, but he doggedly refused to not say it, just as Dumbledore insisted. Some had been able to get over their reluctance to say the name, some hadn't; James had forced himself to.

Certain he was no longer in danger of any embarrassing emotional displays--not that Lily didn't know him better than that--he put his glasses back on and looked up at her. "I am so, so sorry I hurt you. You have no idea how sorry I am. Harry will never know how sorry I am. But I still... Lily, what else was I supposed to do?"

[anon_lily]

Biting her lip worriedly, Lily closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. What indeed should he have done? "I know that there might not have been that much time. But James. You still just decided to go ahead. You have always been plunging head first into dangerous situations and it cuts into my heart every time you do." She opened her eyes and gazed at him.

"It hurts me so deeply to think that I could lose you... and then I did. I lost you." She could feel the tears prickling at her eyes and she angrily rubbed them. "I could only stand there in shock and watch you disappear from my sight. Did you know that I tried to follow you?"

Lily looked down at the floor and sighed again. "Severus' name was called for him to go back behind the Door. I didn't want to lose any one else. I tried to take his place, thinking that maybe I could find you again. But Harry stopped me, Severus stopped me. I listened to them. I stopped to listen and Harry thought up a plan."

[anon_james]

"If I'd hesitated, it would have been too late." He had no doubts of that. He'd barely gotten there in time as it was.

But as she continued to speak, he felt his chest tighten. Not only because of her admission that she tried to follow him, but because of her mention of Snape. Snape again. Always Snape. James never had understood what she saw in the Slytherin, lover of the Dark Arts, and he'd been glad when they stopped speaking. Now, though, they seemed closer than ever, and James didn't know if he could stand it much longer. He bowed his head, taking off his glasses again as he let out a shaky breath.

"What plan?" he asked in a hoarse voice.

[anon_lily]

"Maybe. Maybe it would have been too late. But... you could have tried." Lily said softly and looked at him, her eyes filled with pain at the memories of that night.

"I don't know what plan he thought up or where he went. But when he came back, it had been worked out. Severus was removed from the line. What if thet could have happened with you as well? What if you had just waited for a little while, held the girl back still. But waited. Then maybe something could have happened to make it stop. To keep you here." Lily turned her head away, brushing away the tears that spilled from the corners of her eyes.

[anon_james]

He doesn't agree, not really, but he doesn't say so. There's no point in arguing with her, and honestly, does it really matter? He hurt her, and he hurt Harry, and shouldn't they be more important to him than some random girl who might as well be nameless for all he knew her?

Snape again. James scowled at the mention of Snape, stood from the couch and turned away. He couldn't stand how often Snape's name was on her lips. He came very close to telling her that if she loved Snape go goddamn much, she could just go marry the bastard. In fact, after pacing a few steps away from her, he turned back to say just that, only to see her tears. His anger deflated immediately.

Not thinking--because James never thought about danger to himself--he went to her and took her face in his hands with a gentle touch. "God, Lily, I'm sorry. I'll never do it again, never. I promise you. If I have to make an Unbreakable Vow to make you believe me, I will."