RP: A Life Between

[anon_alice]

Date: June 2, 2003
Character(s): Alice Longbottom, James Potter
Location: James'new home on Bere Lane
Status: Private
Summary: A second encounter in as many days, but slightly different circumstances
Completion: Complete

Comments

[anon_james]

James had no doubts in his mind that everyone had cared about her and Frank just as much as they had Lily and himself. If she'd said something, he would have assured her of such. It was just that everyone had been more concerned with telling him about Harry, what Harry had done, what sort of student he'd been, what sort of Quidditch player, how much Harry was like him. And he'd soaked it all up, along with the story of Peter's betrayal. The more he listened to her, though, the more he felt guilty for being so quick to listen to what they told him and not ask about anyone else.

"God, Alice, I'm sorry." Tortured into insanity, spending twenty years in St. Mungo's and unable to recognize her own son. Suddenly, James couldn't help thinking that death had been a million times better than that fate.

When she asked for Firewhiskey, James wasted no time in standing and going to get it. He brought the bottle, but not for himself. He wanted to resist getting drunk for so many reasons, not the least of which was the memory of Penelope. He hadn't been drunk then, but he didn't want to risk anything like it happening again. Especially with Alice, who was an attractive woman but still completely in love with her husband. And Frank was a good man, James wouldn't want to tread in his place. So he kept his water, and handed the bottle to Alice. "Take it. I really don't need it anyway. I manage to do enough stupid shit without it, honestly.

"Like what I did that pissed Lily off." This time he sat himself next to Alice on the couch, though at the far end. "Damn Festivals."

He still couldn't imagine how Lily couldn't forgive him that, when he hadn't done anything wrong, not really. But he was wallowing in his self-pity again, when Alice actually needed his attention more.

"Just wait for Frank. He'll find his way here." And you're a better woman than Lily, passed through his mind, but he didn't say it aloud and pushed it to the back of his mind. "He'll be glad to see you when he gets here, I know he will."

[anon_alice]

It wasn't like she was looking to get pissed, but that didn't mean Alice didn't accept the bottle willingly and pour a few fingers into her glass. Talking about it like this, she just wanted the burn, and a little bit of an escape. "Nobody needs firewhiskey," the comment came out more philosophically then it needed to be, "but that doesn't mean it's not welcome every once in awhile."

"And, no need to apologize," she said with a half laugh that wasn't quite full of humour, "it's not like you did it. But I suppose there's no adequate response when we talk about things like this is there? You have no idea how sorry I am that you and Lilly died, and none of us knew protection was needed."

At the mention of the festivals, Alice decided she wasn't just going to sit here and not ask anything. She'd not lived through the dark side of one, she didn't know. But it was because if this was actually going to continue to be brought up, discussing in euphemisms wasn't going to do any good. "All right James," Alice said, taking a fortifying sip, welcoming that burn, "you might as well elaborate a little bit after that. What did you do?"

She wasn't looking for platitudes, it had been only a day since she'd let herself get emotional with Remus, but his words brought her up short for a moment. It had never occurred to her that Frank might not be happy to see her when he came through. She was sure it was mostly his own bitterness talking, from his situation with Lilly, but that didn't mean it didn't spark something in her mind. Amazing how a reassurance of something gave you doubts more than saying nothing would have itself. "He's not dead," she said quietly, "but when he is, I'm sure he'll make his way here." Not that she thought it was a conscious decision whether or not one did so, she didn't remember having one.

"Obviously you're in league with Sirius again then," Alice shifted the subject slightly, since she doubted her own life was a subject he needed to hear ad nauseum about, and she doubted he wanted the details from what she did know of before from the way he'd dropped the subject, "how about any others? Or for that matter, what....well, I'll ask it since I don't know, under what context did he come here?"

[anon_james]

There was truth in her words, or truth enough, but James was still all too ready to let her have all the fun. "I've been a little too welcoming to the Firewhiskey lately, if you know what I mean."

He gave her a wry expression. "No, there really isn't. All I can think is that you suffered so much more than I did." It was true, she had, and while he wanted to be able to say he wished he could trade places with her, or with Frank, he couldn't really. For one, would she want to have died so much early? At least she'd been able to see her son, even if she hadn't known it was him. There had at least be a chance she or Frank might come out of it, while James and Lily had just been dead, finished, that was it.

And, guiltily, he thought he didn't think he could be so calm as she seemed to be if he'd spent twenty years a shell of his former self, only to die and return to find Harry out of reach. He didn't want to have traded places with her because he couldn't handle it, he know he'd have gone stark raving all over again.

Oh Merlin, those damn Festivals. Sighing, James settled his head back on the back of the couch, his eyes on the ceiling. Slowly, he began to relate to her the story of that first Festival, of the deal that was made and the consequences it would have, how he couldn't let that little girl bind herself to the town and what the consequence of his actions had been. Then he told her about Christmas, that he'd been brought back and how it had taken him a long time to win back the right to even speak to his son, and how he'd spent over a month sleeping on the couch because of it, and even when Lily let him back into the bed how she'd been so distant.

He stopped there, and shrugged, because he'd sort of gotten off topic. James told her then about the kidnappings, and the riddle, how Neville had been one of those taken. He made sure, though, to tell her that Neville had been returned physically intact, at least. James couldn't speak for Neville's psychological state, though, and he didn't try. What platitudes he'd tried to give her so far in the conversation hadn't seemed to go over well.

When the conversation came to Sirius, he shrugged again and smiled a little. "Sirius and I have had our fights, some pretty vicious ones, but nothing that couldn't be solved with a few hexes. But... he's got his own problems he's dealing with right now."

Technically, someone else's problems, but that wasn't really anyone's business but Parvati's and Sirius'.

[anon_alice]

"I did," Alice said, not caring how it sounded when she said it, because it was the truth, "that doesn't make any of it right what happened though, even those who lost less. It's not like we need to compare - because it's not a contest, who suffered more in the process of losing it all. I mean...it was horrible, and to think of the time since is horrible...." She broke off, stifling herself, and stifling thinking about it too deeply as she took another large sip, "I'd go back and kill Voldemort myself, or the Lestranges, or Crouch if I could - without a moment's hesitation."

She did nothing but listen though and sip at her drink while he spoke at length, about his own issues, and other assurances about Neville. That's all she got these days was assurances, and though she appreciated them, James' were second hand. His own story however she could only pat his knee once in comfort. It was a messed up situation in general, and she felt for him, for Harry, and for Lily - even through his very biased description of events. As rhetorical as it was, she couldn't help but wonder if they'd survived on the outside, if death and this place hadn't happened - if it was all circumstance, or a fundamental flaw in the relationship.

It did reinforce though, beyond explanation of their personal troubles, the fundamental flaws of that thing, but it wasn't news to her.

"I wasn't asking you to spell out your friends personal life for me," Alice said with a soft smile, "what I was asking was...well, is he here on a 'second chance', or did he simply move? It's never an easy question to ask when you don't know, and with so many - well, I don't. I figure that's not too personally intrusive, and will stop me from sticking my foot in my mouth should I meet up with him."

[anon_james]

James let that part of the conversation drop. It really was a touchy subject for the both of them, he thought. Perhaps more so with her, because at least he'd had four years to get used to the idea of his death, if not the reasons behind it. He often thought he wanted to see Peter in Annwn, to be able to confront him, but he had no idea what would happen if he did. He just had so many confusing feelings when it came to Peter.

"Ah," he said when she clarified what she'd wanted to know about Sirius. "He died. When Harry and Neville were fifteen. Killed by Bellatrix Lestrange." He paused, thinking about the various versions of the story he was told, from Sirius himself and from that time Harry had told him everything on the Field.

"Actually, if I remember right, Neville was there. They were fighting Death Eaters int he Department of Mysteries." He paused again, and then turned to look at her. "From what I understand, Neville also had a big part in the fall of Voldemort. He's your son through and through, yours and Frank's."

[anon_alice]

Alice still couldn't believe that Sirius was innocent in the whole affair of their deaths - though James might not know the difference and befriended him again anyway. Of course at the time she couldn't really believe either that he'd been responsible for his friends demise. But that was one piece of welcome news to have been made aware of since coming back, though it wasn't like Voldemort having the opportunity he did had just been an accident.

"Bellatrix," the mention of the name had caused her own hand to fist on her glass tightly, the tension almost shattering it. For a moment she could hear the ringing of mocking laughter in her ears, taunting her, and she had to forcibly work it from her mind though the sound lingered, "is there anybody she didn't hurt? Well and good she's dead, even if there was no catharsis from causing it." The bitch had haunted so many lives. But at the mention she really was realizing there seemed to be nobody of their ilk who had survived until now. And it wasn't like they were in their dotage.

Another allusion to her son, and she couldn't help but feel her heat swell, similarly to when Remus had mentioned that as well - and again as always, anger and fear that Neville had had to take those risks. "Is there any way to agree to that that doesn't sound egotistical?" She smiled gently at James' mention. "Correlating my son being heroic to him being ours? For all the problems I had with Augusta, she must have done a damn fine job in raising him."

"I hear your son is a hero too though," she added with a smile, "who would have thought it."

Alice raised her glass in a half toast, in some level of wry amusement and sadness, "To our children defeating the demons we tried to take care of for them."

[anon_james]

James knew who had betrayed him. He'd known the moment Voldemort came, and if it actually had been Sirius who had been the Secret Keeper, he'd have known then that his best mate had given him over. With Sirius, he probably would have believed it had happened through torture, not outright betrayal. Even knowing it had been Peter, James still wanted to believe Peter hadn't actually been a Death Eater, hadn't willingly given him and Lily to death. Peter had, James knew he had, everyone who'd told him anything had told him that much, but it was still so hard to believe.

At least it hadn't been Sirius.

Watching Alice after he said Bellatrix's name, he wondered if he should probably take her glass from her, at least until she could bring her anger under control. Not that he didn't understand her anger or think she had a right to it. But he only had a limited number of glasses.

"She got around," was all he said to that.

James didn't know much about Augusta, or how she'd raised Neville, and he said as much. "But I think his being yours has a lot to do with it, too. Besides, he is your son, and he's a damn fine one if everyone can be believed, so I'd say you have the right to be a bit egotistical about it." He'd done his share of being egotistical about Harry, after all, though that had been before he actually met his son. Things had been a bit different since then. "Harry is everything I could have hoped he'd be," James said with a small smile to her mention of Harry's heroics. "A bit stubborn sometimes, but we know where that came from, don't we?"

Giving a wry sort of laugh, James raised his glass in response to her toast. "They did a damn better job than we did."

[anon_alice]

It was probably best not to feed her anger and all the emotions that swirled up at the mention at Bellatrix Lestrange, even if his reponse seemed almost frivolous. But Alice could understand it, even as she calmed herself, though even the mention of those people could easily set her off.

And she couldn't think of a time when it wouldn't, when she couldn't forget even the littlest details.

It was an odd toast, because they had done all they could, and lost themselves in the process - but it didn't change the fact that in reality it was all true; they'd only postponed the dark rather then defeated it, the task that had been left up to their children despite attempts to protect them from it. "Whatever they did, I'm only glad that they were able. The worst is finally gone for good. Of course you'd have to wonder at the discretion of whatever controls who comes through. If it can let me through, it can let Bellatrix through, Voldemort even. Desire for revenge aside, I hope that's one battle that doesn't become unending, the same villian."

"As for my son himself," she continued, "I'll happily stick out my chest in pride. Hopefully he didn't get my rather unfortunate tendency of rushing headlong into things, I'd hope he took after his father more in that respect. And, well don't use the term stubborin, use the word 'tenacious," Alice finished with a smile, "sounds better and more...uh, complimentary to whomever he got that tendency from."