Reflective: You love me but you don't know who I am
Date: May 17, 2003
Character(s): Narcissa Malfoy
Location: The Malfoys' Annwn home
Status: Private
Summary: Narcissa contemplates the past, Lucius, Draco, Barty, and her life in general.
Completion: Complete
Narcissa sat in her private parlor, a cup of cooling tea in her hands. Her mind wasn't really on the tea, and wouldn't have been even if teatime was more than simple ritual. She had more important things to contemplate than tea.
There had been a time, long ago, when she never would have imagined her life this way. As a young girl, destined to marry into another good, pureblood Wizarding family, she had imagined so many things, some of which came true and others that didn't.
She had known whoever her husband would be, would not be someone she loved on their wedding day, and she had known she would be expectd to produce children. Other than spending her husband's money, child bearing was her only real duty in her marriage. As a girl, she'd hoped to have at least three children, like her mother, as she had expected her children to be her only real company in a loveless marriage.
Then, she married Lucius Malfoy, an attractive man, but not one she loved. That was as expected. After her wedding, she fullfilled another, less-discussed, expecation of such married women: she had affairs. Plural. Usually with men she knew Lucius despised, or at least didn't trust. Even now, thinking on it brought a small smirk to her lips.
Narcissa put down the teacup with a sigh. Those days had been such fun, for then there had been no love, no expectation of it, and Lucius would not have been terrible surprised to find her so unfaithful, merely furious at her choice in lovers. In those days, she didn't care what Lucius did with his time because it was all so far away from her. The Dark Lord had been a great leader who would shape the world to its proper form, all without Narcissa having to lift a finger. What could go wrong?
However, when Draco came, he defied her expectations and shifted her perceptions. For a short while there had been some anxiety over Draco's parentage, but he was born the spitting image of Lucius, and all anxiety was forgotten. Somehow, that pink, squalling little thing caught Lucius' attention, and through Draco that attention came to Narcissa. As they both wanted to spend time with their child, they spent more and more time actually with each other. Narcissa learned what a loving man Lucius could be when he tried, when he actually cared. He doted on Draco, and in time came to dote on her as well, and Narcissa enjoyed the doting, and slowly learned to love the source.
"How things change," she murmured to herself, glad there were only house elves to overhear.
It seemed to strange to look back with her current knowledge and see how her small family became the center of her world, and how that center became so much more important to her than all the things she'd been taught were paramount. Dear Merlin, she'd come to fear for the lives of her husband and son rather than feel pride in their blind devotion to the Dark Lord. Bella had told her often enough what a poor pureblood she was, standing back while the rest of them went to battle, not even having courage enough to take the Dark Mark. If only she knew I didn't want it because it would mar my skin. A tattoo, honestly. How vulgar.
Her mind filtered through the years, through all she had done to protect Lucius, and then Draco when her husband could no longer be protected. She even lied to the Dark Lord on behalf of the half-blood Potter boy.
How did they repay her now? By ignoring her, leaving her alone. Only Barty really came to visit her, but he was all compliments and insanity. One couldn't trust a single thing he said, even if said with the utmost sincerity. Despite his previous insistence otherwise, Narcissa couldn't help believe that he would have been ten times worse of a husband than Lucius ever was, for he'd been ten times more devoted to the Dark Lord. Many times Narcissa had wondered if Lucius merely used his status as a Death Eater as an excuse to cause trouble and be praised for it. Yet, in the end his trouble hadn't been enough, and she hadn't been able to stop him, to keep him out of Azkaban.
Oh, Barty wouldn't be a better husband. Honestly, even though her relationship with Lucius showed signs of fraying, she couldn't even imagine taking Barty as a lover. All wrong, he was all wrong for her in so many ways, from his lack of sanity to his flamboyant homosexuality. What heterosexual man dressed as he did, and knew which Muggle designers were best? His taste in jewelry betrayed him as well. Really, Narcissa suspected he didn't love her so much as he worshipped her the way homosexual men seemed to worship strong women. Especially since he seemed to believe her terribly opressed by the evil Lucius. A chuckle escaped her as she thought she'd rather enjoy being opressed by Lucius for an hour or two. The man did have a way with restraints, and he was the only one she would allow to use the restraints on her, rather than the other way around.
Well. Perhaps the next time she saw her husband, she could arrange to be wearing something that would entice him. She was not entirely ready to give up on him, and until she was, Barty wouldn't stand a chance.
Of course, that is assuming Lucius decides to come home at a decent hour.
Eyes narrowed slightly in contemplation, Narcissa tapped her nails lightly on the table. There had to be some way of getting Lucius home and in her clutches long enough to spark the fire between them again. It didn't take long for her to decide that a party, with fellow Slytherins as the guests, would be a good choice. Surely Lucius wouldn't pass up the opportunity to mingle with his peers and old acquaintances, and once the guests were gone (or distracted by other entertainment), then she could pounce on him in private.
Besides, a party would help ease the insidious boredom that had crept into her life, allowing her time to miss her husband and contemplate Barty Crouch Jr., of all people.
Oh yes. This would require careful planning, but what else did she have to do with her time?
Character(s): Narcissa Malfoy
Location: The Malfoys' Annwn home
Status: Private
Summary: Narcissa contemplates the past, Lucius, Draco, Barty, and her life in general.
Completion: Complete
Narcissa sat in her private parlor, a cup of cooling tea in her hands. Her mind wasn't really on the tea, and wouldn't have been even if teatime was more than simple ritual. She had more important things to contemplate than tea.
There had been a time, long ago, when she never would have imagined her life this way. As a young girl, destined to marry into another good, pureblood Wizarding family, she had imagined so many things, some of which came true and others that didn't.
She had known whoever her husband would be, would not be someone she loved on their wedding day, and she had known she would be expectd to produce children. Other than spending her husband's money, child bearing was her only real duty in her marriage. As a girl, she'd hoped to have at least three children, like her mother, as she had expected her children to be her only real company in a loveless marriage.
Then, she married Lucius Malfoy, an attractive man, but not one she loved. That was as expected. After her wedding, she fullfilled another, less-discussed, expecation of such married women: she had affairs. Plural. Usually with men she knew Lucius despised, or at least didn't trust. Even now, thinking on it brought a small smirk to her lips.
Narcissa put down the teacup with a sigh. Those days had been such fun, for then there had been no love, no expectation of it, and Lucius would not have been terrible surprised to find her so unfaithful, merely furious at her choice in lovers. In those days, she didn't care what Lucius did with his time because it was all so far away from her. The Dark Lord had been a great leader who would shape the world to its proper form, all without Narcissa having to lift a finger. What could go wrong?
However, when Draco came, he defied her expectations and shifted her perceptions. For a short while there had been some anxiety over Draco's parentage, but he was born the spitting image of Lucius, and all anxiety was forgotten. Somehow, that pink, squalling little thing caught Lucius' attention, and through Draco that attention came to Narcissa. As they both wanted to spend time with their child, they spent more and more time actually with each other. Narcissa learned what a loving man Lucius could be when he tried, when he actually cared. He doted on Draco, and in time came to dote on her as well, and Narcissa enjoyed the doting, and slowly learned to love the source.
"How things change," she murmured to herself, glad there were only house elves to overhear.
It seemed to strange to look back with her current knowledge and see how her small family became the center of her world, and how that center became so much more important to her than all the things she'd been taught were paramount. Dear Merlin, she'd come to fear for the lives of her husband and son rather than feel pride in their blind devotion to the Dark Lord. Bella had told her often enough what a poor pureblood she was, standing back while the rest of them went to battle, not even having courage enough to take the Dark Mark. If only she knew I didn't want it because it would mar my skin. A tattoo, honestly. How vulgar.
Her mind filtered through the years, through all she had done to protect Lucius, and then Draco when her husband could no longer be protected. She even lied to the Dark Lord on behalf of the half-blood Potter boy.
How did they repay her now? By ignoring her, leaving her alone. Only Barty really came to visit her, but he was all compliments and insanity. One couldn't trust a single thing he said, even if said with the utmost sincerity. Despite his previous insistence otherwise, Narcissa couldn't help believe that he would have been ten times worse of a husband than Lucius ever was, for he'd been ten times more devoted to the Dark Lord. Many times Narcissa had wondered if Lucius merely used his status as a Death Eater as an excuse to cause trouble and be praised for it. Yet, in the end his trouble hadn't been enough, and she hadn't been able to stop him, to keep him out of Azkaban.
Oh, Barty wouldn't be a better husband. Honestly, even though her relationship with Lucius showed signs of fraying, she couldn't even imagine taking Barty as a lover. All wrong, he was all wrong for her in so many ways, from his lack of sanity to his flamboyant homosexuality. What heterosexual man dressed as he did, and knew which Muggle designers were best? His taste in jewelry betrayed him as well. Really, Narcissa suspected he didn't love her so much as he worshipped her the way homosexual men seemed to worship strong women. Especially since he seemed to believe her terribly opressed by the evil Lucius. A chuckle escaped her as she thought she'd rather enjoy being opressed by Lucius for an hour or two. The man did have a way with restraints, and he was the only one she would allow to use the restraints on her, rather than the other way around.
Well. Perhaps the next time she saw her husband, she could arrange to be wearing something that would entice him. She was not entirely ready to give up on him, and until she was, Barty wouldn't stand a chance.
Of course, that is assuming Lucius decides to come home at a decent hour.
Eyes narrowed slightly in contemplation, Narcissa tapped her nails lightly on the table. There had to be some way of getting Lucius home and in her clutches long enough to spark the fire between them again. It didn't take long for her to decide that a party, with fellow Slytherins as the guests, would be a good choice. Surely Lucius wouldn't pass up the opportunity to mingle with his peers and old acquaintances, and once the guests were gone (or distracted by other entertainment), then she could pounce on him in private.
Besides, a party would help ease the insidious boredom that had crept into her life, allowing her time to miss her husband and contemplate Barty Crouch Jr., of all people.
Oh yes. This would require careful planning, but what else did she have to do with her time?