Seven things I learned from Star Wars (spoilers)
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1) If you are a loving parent who wants the best for your child, abandon them in a desert immediately. Foster parents optional, but having any kind of parental support will damage their prospects in the long run. If you can leave them in the Atlas mountains with nothing but a tin can for company, they’ll thank you in the end.
2) Conversely, don’t hug your children. Not only will loved and supported children from a close family fall to the dark side, they’ll be kind of whiny and incompetent with it, and despite theoretically advanced training will get their arses handed to them by the kids raised by droids in said desert.
3) Don’t fall to the dark side. All the good names have been taken. The days of getting to be Darth Sidious or Darth Vader or even Darth Muderous are gone. Darth Snark was taken and adapted recently. There’s a reason Ben Solo didn’t even bother and just used the name of his old D&d character.
4) Girls basically run the world. They are just cooler. Unless they’re trying to be pilots. Ain’t nothing beats a swaggering man in tight trousers and a leather jacket for that.
5) When trying to take over the world, ensure that all attacks in which you attempt to hunt down the spies who are stealing your secrets begin with some kind of EMP. Once the droids are crippled, your enemies are doomed.
6) Actually, just do that every time you see sand in the distance. You won’t regret it.
7) See point One.
(Don’t get me wrong. I loved this film.)