(no subject)

[annwfyn]

I just saw Iron Man.

Apologies to those I was with. I was in a bleak mood, and therefore became Dark and Brooding (tm). I'm trying to sort out a load of junk in my head. I have a lot of insane emo-crap that I could bore you with, but tonight I shall spare you.

Instead I shall list five things in this world that makes me cheerful.

1) Sunflowers!

I do not know why sunflowers make me happy, but they do. They have done ever since I read the story of Van Gogh's Sunflowers, which he painted for his spare room. He had been suffering from depression for a long time, and had really not been well. However, a good friend of his was coming to stay, and I get the impression from the story that he was really cheered up by this. He painted the sunflowers as part of several small attempts to make his friend welcome. I've always imagined this picture as being really a picture about hope - da Vinci's hope that he could make his friend happy, da Vinci's hope that he could have a nice weekend. It's bright. It's cheerful. It makes me feel this kind of ray of hope, and that feeling has sort of spread to sunflowers in general.

2) Geese.

There is no reason why I like geese. Actually, 'like' isn't the right word. Fear and respect might be better.

OK. Trying to explain. Geese are rather silly birds. They look daft. They make weird noises. They aren't pretty. People eat them. They really shouldn't be able to get respect, right?

But you name me one person who has spent any amount of time with geese who isn't at least a little cautious and respectful of them. It's the way they hiss. It's the terrifyingly gutsy way they will go for you, even though you are their natural predator. And damnit, they have some level of style with all that.

They even get the role of psychopomps in some cultures.

Not bad for an oversized water fowl.

3) Saint Tabitha.

I took Tabitha as my confirmation name a while ago. I took it because I rather liked the saint. She didn't do anything dramatic (unlike Saint Christina the Astonishing who hid in an oven). She wasn't even dramatically matyred. Rather, she was just a very nice old lady who did a lot of good and helpful things for people.

I felt at the time I needed a spiritual influence* that was less about the dramatic and more about the constancy and the general quiet good behaviour.

I think I still think that. And I need a Saint Tabitha picture of some kind, mostly because none seem to exist.

4) Lavender.

I love the smell of lavender. It reminds me of the front garden at my Dad's house, which my bedroom used to overlook. I also had a variety of lavender pillows (which are still in my bedroom at home and which Jeremiah claims are left as death traps for him when he visits) and so lavender always makes me feel very very safe.

When I was an angsty teenager, prone to woe, I always felt safe in my bedroom at home. No one really ever went in there except me. I lived in the middle of nowhere, so had few visitors, and my family tended not to spend much time there, so it really was my space. It was big, it was full of my stuff, it was comfortable, and it always smelled of lavender.

Even now, lavender makes me feel so much more at home, and so much more at peace when it's around.

5) Shetland ponies.

OK. I don't love shetland ponies. I hate them. I think they are evil. I've never yet met a Shetland that I didn't think was violent, psychotic, and prone to random acts of malice. They glower, from beneath those allegedly 'cute' fringes, and think dark thoughts. They bite, they kick, and at least one Shetland I knew would stalk humans around any field it was in to build up a sense of terror before going in for the kill.

And to add insult to injury, they always have names like 'Twinkle'.

Actually, maybe that's why they are so evil. I'd feel like taking it out on the world as well if I were called 'Twinkle'.

Anyway, according to my best beloved, I remind him of a Shetland. Apparently I can be vicious, violent, kick and bite, and yet I seem so cute from a distance that people seem to miss the dark malice in my soul. And I think he has a point.

I gotta admit, whilst I hate shetlands, they are creatures I do have a great respect for, and if I were to pick a totem animal, I can't think of one which I think would serve me better in giving me the strength to defeat my foes.

So, I add shetlands to this list. They are a creature I think I have an affinity with. And one day, I shall own one, and train to be the attack beast that no one will ever see coming.

I don't suppose anyone else feels like telling me about the five random things that you find yourself being cheered by when you remember they are in the world?